Tru Confessions

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Girl:
Isn't It Funny

How People On Tv

Lead The Most

Amazingly Perfect Lives?

Lucky Them, Huh?

Anyway, That's Me With

My Twin Brother, Eddie.

Can You Tell I'm Obsessively

Attached To My Camera?

My Dad Says If I Could've,

I Probably Would've

Filmed My Own Birth.

And My Friends?

They Love

Being In My Movies.

Come On, Just

Jump Up There And Do It.

You Do It.

[Groans]

Denisey?

No.

Don't You Think

We're Getting

A Little Too Old For This?

Come On.

You Two Would

Make The Perfect

Tragic Romantic Couple.

Jakey.

I'm King

Of The World.

[Laughs]

Cut. Great.

I'm Not

Doing It Again.

Why Not?

'Cause We're

In High School Now,

And I Have A Reputation

To Protect.

Since When?

In Case

You Haven't Noticed,

Tru Won't Be Happy

Until She Turns

Her Entire Life

Into A Sitcom.

And Here's Another Thing:

On Tv, No Matter

How Gigantic Your Problems Are,

By The Final Commercial,

Everything's Wrapped Up.

Everybody's Happy.

Who Wouldn't

Want To Live Like That?

Yeah, But Talk About

Totally Predictable And Boring.

Hey, Reality's Harsh.

I Would Much Rather

Live Inside The Tube.

[Chatter]

[Screams]

[Giggling]

Paparazzi!

Paparazzi, Tru!

Stop It Now, Eddie.

You're Gonna--

Paparazzi!

Paparazzi!

Paparazzi!

Give Me The Camera.

You Are Not A Paparazzi.

Paparazzi!

Stop It! Eddie!

Hey, Hey, Hey,

Stop It! Stop!

Knock It Off!

What Is Going On Here?

He Came

Jumping Out At Us,

Shooting This Thing

Off In Our Faces.

Uh, Maybe We Ought

To Take Off.

No. Come On. You Guys

Don't Have To Go.

Denise:
No, It's Ok.

I'll Call You

Tomorrow.

[Sighs]

Ugh!

Mmm.

Mmm.

[Sighs]

Proud Of Yourself?

I'm Sure He Didn't

Mean Any Harm, Tru.

That's What

You Always Say.

I Only Wanted

To Be Funny.

Well, You Weren't, Ok?

I Mean, I've Got,

Like, Big White Spots In Front Of My Eyes,

And You Chased Away

My Friends, Eddie.

Can You

Say You're Sorry, Honey?

Sorry.

Forgive Me, Tru?

All Right.

Good.

Eddie, How About

You Go And Work

On Your Map Project, Huh?

It's In The Den.

[Clears Throat]

Why Do You

Have To Act Like This?

Me? If I Shot A Flash

Off In His Eyes,

You Would Ground Me

For A Month.

Yeah, Because

You Know Better.

So Does He.

Mom, You Let Him Get

Away With Everything.

Eddie Was

Only Trying To Get Your Attention.

He Feels Left Out

When You're Here

With Your Friends.

So Whatever He Does

Is Just Perfectly Fine,

But I Can't

Do Anything Right?

Is That What I Just Said?

You Don't

Have To Say It.

It's Totally

All Over Your Face.

Tru.

Forget It.

Leave Me Alone.

[Applause]

Tru:
Hi, Mom.

Oh, Honey.

I Don't Think

I've Had A Chance Today

To Tell You How Very

Proud Of You I Am.

Thanks, Mom.

Seriously, Tru,

You're Brilliant,

You're Adorable,

And You Have

The Best Taste In Clothes.

Well, Then, Mom,

I Think You And Dad

Should Increase My Allowance

By $100 A Week.

Sure.

Ok, Here's The Deal.

The More I Wish My Life

Could Be Like A Sitcom...

The More It Turns

Into A Soap Opera.

I Mean, I Can't

Really Even Talk To My Mom

Because Not Only Does She

Totally Not Get Me,

But She's Always So Busy

Dealing With Eddie.

Then There's My Dad.

Do You Know He Actually

Operates On People's Brains?

Eww. That's How Gross?

Ech.

Anyway, He's

Hardly Ever Here,

And Frankly,

Sometimes I Think He

Likes It Better That Way.

Anyway,

Does It Seem

A Little Bit Psycho

That I'm Keeping

This Video Journal?

Not To Me.

In Fact, Here's 101 Reasons

Why I'm Doing It.

Reason One:

When I'm Incredibly Famous

And Have My Own Show,

I'll Put This Journal

Out On Video

So Everybody Can See What

My Life Was Really Like.

Reason 2...

In Case Foreign Agents

Break In

And Drain My Memory,

I'll Still Have This Tape

As A Record Of My Life.

Reason 3...

[Sighs]

I Really,

Really Need Something

That's Completely

And Privately Mine.

Anyway, I Haven't

Actually Come Up

With Reasons 4-101 Yet,

But I Promise When I Do,

I'll Get Back To You.

Eddie:

Fork. Knife. Spoon.

Is Dad Home Yet?

No.

One Of His Patients

Had Some Sort Of Post-Op Complication.

Jeez. I Can't Even Imagine

Being A Surgeon Like He Is.

That's Why We

Have To Be Really Mellow

When He Gets Home.

What's For Dinner?

Chicken.

Twice-Baked Potatoes,

Broccoli.

No, No, No.

Tru, We Need.

No.

We Need--

Yes, We Do.

Eddie, We Don't

Need Those--

We Do Need 'Em.

Miss Tar

Said That's

How You Set

The Table.

But Tonight,

We Don't Need Them.

Fork, Knife, Spoon.

We Need Them, Tru.

Eddie, No.

We Need Them.

Hey, Let Him

Set The Table

The Way He Wants, Ok?

Mom, It's My Night

To Do The Dishes.

I Don't Want To Have

To Wash Something

That We're

Not Even Gonna Use.

If It's Such A Big Deal,

I'll Do The Dishes.

That's Not The Point.

I Think The Point Is

You Want To Argue

About Everything Today.

You Know,

You're So Worried

About Not Hurting

Eddie's Feelings

That You Act

Like I Don't Have Any Feelings At All.

Note To Self:

When I Do Make A Tv Show

Out Of My Life,

Remind Me To Cast

Somebody Else As My Mom.

Reasons Why I Think

Eddie Might Be

The Most Well-Adjusted One

In Our Entire Family:

First, Eddie Would

Never Go Out Of The House

Without Bothering

To Look In The Mirror...

Like Some People I Know.

And Then What About The Way

She Always Has To Ask

The World's Most

Embarrassing Questions?

Excuse Me. Hi.

Are These Tomatoes

Really Organic?

Or Do You Just, Like,

Put The Sign Up There

To, You Know,

Take Advantage

Of Environmentally-Conscious

Women Like Myself?

Tru:
And You'd

Never Catch Eddie

Packing Left-Over

Chinese Food

And Chopsticks In My Lunch.

Oh, Check Out The Note

In Totally Fake

Chinese Writing

That Has The Translation

On The Back.

Could She Possibly Be

Any Cornier?

I--I'm Really Serious.

I Want To Know

If They're Organic Or Not.

Tru And Everybody

Came Home,

And I Was Really Funny.

Paparazzi! Paparazzi!

Remember, Tru,

When I Said It?

Papa-Who?

Tru:
He's

Saying Paparazzi, Dad.

You Know, Like

Celebrity Photographer.

Paparazzi, Oh.

Paparazzi, That's Funny.

That Was

Real Funny, Huh?

Funny.

It's Funny.

It's Funny.

It Wasn't Funny.

Mom, Could You Pass Me

The Broccoli, Please?

Mm-Hmm.

Thank You. Oh.

Oh! Not Again!

Mom:
It's Ok, Honey.

Sit Down. I Got It.

It's Not As If We Can

Eat The Broccoli Now.

It's All Covered

With Glass.

I'm Sorry, Dad.

[Sighs]

Come Here.

Come Here.

Hey, You Know What?

One Of These Days,

We're Gonna Go Through

An Entire Meal

Without Dropping

Or Breaking Anything.

I Know

It's Gonna Happen.

Right.

Come On.

It's Ok. Sit Down.

Tru:
Did You Know

It's Fairly Common

For Baby Sharks

To Attack Each Other

In The Womb?

It's True.

We Learned It In Science.

[Shark Belches]

Stop!

Tru:
What If Everything

That's Wrong With Eddie

Is All My Fault?

Mom Says It's Not True,

But How Does She Know?

I Mean, I'm The Twin

Who Was Born First.

Maybe Everything Would've

Been Different

If I'd Let Eddie

Out Ahead Of Me.

My Twin Brother Has

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