True Confession Page #9

wait, wait, wait, my boy.

Whatever we do,

let's not lose our heads.

Hello!

Put down that phone.

Oh, fudge!

Hello!

You know, there's no need

to call, Mr. Bartlett.

Unfortunately,

I didn't kill Otto Krayler.

You didn't kill him? I

- I'm sorry. I am sorry, but really, I didn't.

Then who did?

Now, control yourself, please.

I- It was my brother-in-law.

I found the wallet in his room,

and he confessed to me.

Then where is he?

Dead.

Killed the next week in a holdup.

An amateurish chap.

He couldn't find the money

after he, uh, disposed of Krayler,

so he attempted a trivial holdup

in broad daylight.

Lost his head, sort of, and-

- It was in the papers.

- I don't believe it.

I don't care what you believe,

actually.

I can prove my statements in

a court of law. Shall we drink?

Get out of this house!

Certainly.

You know, there was a moment

when this was almost mine,

when my destiny came within

one iota of being fulfilled.

But that is life.

Good day, my dear fellow.

Good-bye, my house.

Oh, for the life of a gondolier

Hi.

I think I'll go lie down.

Daisy, don't leave me alone!

Oh, that sounded

kind of silly, didn't it?

Don't leave me alone

with my own husband.

Well, he's gone, and he

won't bother you anymore,

because he's just as big a liar

as you are!

He didn't commit

the murder either.

He didn't? His brother-in-law

did, and he's dead.

That's the only thing that saved you

from 10 years in prison.

Because mark my words,

if the murderer had been at large,

I'd have gone straight to the police!

You would have done that to me?

Oh!

But that's right. That's what

any honest person would have done.

You're leaving, aren't you?

Of course I'm leaving.

What's left for me?

You've made a farce of our lives,

you've ridiculed justice,

my professin, me!

This is all a nightmare to you, and you're

wondering how and why everything happened,

and I don't think I can explain it

so you could understand.

I want to say I tried to tell the truth, but it

seemed everything would work out better if I lied.

And it did too, up to now!

Yes, everything worked out beautifully.

Here we are, both successful, standing on

the biggest lie in the history of mankind.

''Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,

Helen Bartlett is not Helen Bartlett alone,

Helen Bartlett is womankind.''

Ain't I the pretty one?

''And when that terrible moment came,

she faced it, afraid but unflinching''-

laughing at you,Judge, laughing

at me, laughing at Otto Krayler-

''defending the principle

which is womankind's prime heritage.''

Banana oil!

Ken, I-

Go ahead and defend it.

Think up some more hot ones...

for your life story

and your cockeyed books.

I'm going so far away,

I won't even know what year it is!

And despite everything I've just

said, Helen, I still love you,

but I'll be darned if I can live

a life like ours!

Yeah. If it's a boy,

I'll name it after you!

What? Helen!

Helen, why didn't you tell me?

I wanted to surprise you.

Well, when's it gonna be?

What?

I said, when's it going to be?

Why, I don't know exactly.

Well, what did the doctor say?

What?

Oh. Oh, the doctor.

This is the last straw!

Even that wasn't true!

Well- Well, it could be true!

I suppose this is the price

of life with a liar-

happiness, misery, one after the other

until you don't know which is which.

I suppose I'll walk out on you

and come back and walk out again.

I have a feeling I'm still

going to leave you tonight.

But first, I'm going to make one

last attempt to teach you not to lie.

Ken, I think I've told my last one.

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