True Confessions Page #3

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has been resolved,

that we should really seriously re-evaluate

Mr. Amsterdam's contribution

to the archdiocese.

Perhaps we should think

about phasing him out.

I see. I see.

I see.

Nothing Iike a stiff

for making me crave Chinese food.

You think there's something funny

about that?

There's nothing funny about that, Frank.

Hell, no.

-Hey, who is your friend?

-What?

I busted this joint 14 times

when I was in vice.

-Now I eat in here all the time.

-I can see why.

He's helping me build my motel

in Culver City.

I retire in two years.

You know what you get

from the police department after 20 years.

If you're smart, you get Chink partners.

Exactly. Exactly.

You should be thinking ahead too.

I'm not smart anymore.

What about this girl?

What girl?

The one in two pieces, Frank.

Tire marks. That's our best bet.

Which doesn't give us much.

More partners?

You know...

You know what we're gonna

pull in on this one?

Panty sniffers, weenie flashers,

guys who fall in Iove with their shoes,

guys who belt their hog

on the number 43 bus.

What, you think I'm gonna Iose any sleep

over who took this broad out?

Pissing strawberries and whipped cream,

you think that.

She's a nine-to-five stiff, Tommy.

No overtime.

You know how

we're gonna break this one?

A couple of years, they'II bring

in a guy who ran a red Iight.

"I killed the girl," he'II say.

"What girl?" we'II say.

"The girl with the rose tattoo on her ass,"

he'II say.

"Which one is that?" we'II say.

That's how we're gonna break it.

What do you think?

Well, about 300 grams.

-Oh, I missed it.

-You're fired!

That's the fourth one

in three days you've missed.

She sure Iooks better in one piece.

...maceration considerably

and separation and Ioss of scalp,

along with a skull fracture.

There appear to be wood splinters

in the scalp Iacerations...

-Fazenda, Lois.

-...indicating the victim...

Fazenda. Polack?

...wooden instrument. Lithuanian.

Her brain tissue

is macerated and dark red in color.

Date of birth, February 10, 1926.

Cause of death, hemorrhage...

-Makes her 22.

-...shock due to brain injuries.

Twenty-two next Tuesday.

I don't think

she's gonna blow out the candles.

Death occurred no Iater than

She also had undigested food

in her stomach. Egg rolls.

They all do it to somebody sideways.

Egg rolls. I analyzed the food.

I have nothing against him personally,

Your Eminence.

No, I know you don't, Seamus.

But Desmond is a very good chancellor.

I think he's a better accountant

than a chancellor, sir.

Seamus has just been Iisting

some of your shortcomings.

It's a Iong Iist, Your Eminence.

The Monsignor Iearned it by heart

when I was his curate at St. Damien's.

See, I think I am owed an explanation

as to why I am being replaced

as chairman of the building fund.

Now, I'm owed that, eh?

Yes, yes, of course you are, Seamus.

We had just felt that, perhaps,

you couldn't take that much of a Ioad.

And we're very grateful to you, Seamus.

Very grateful, indeed.

Oh, I marvel at your energy, but...

Excuse me.

I mean, a man of your years...

I'm a year younger than you are,

Your Eminence.

Oh, you are, are you?

Well, the race is to the swift, huh?

We thought Monsignor Fitzgerald

will take over the building fund.

You know,

I'm not so fond of raising money,

but I think it's idiotic

to turn that job over to him.

-Now, now, now, Seamus.

-His eyes twinkle.

Now, you show me a priest

whose eyes twinkle all the time

and I'II show you a moron.

That's quite enough, Seamus.

Quite enough.

But you know that

I cannot buy a new furnace.

I cannot buy new desks for the school.

I can't even buy insurance

for the car without his permission.

What's this we call that, Desmond?

-Central purchasing, Your Eminence.

-Ah, central purchasing.

I see. Well, I thought the priority

was saving souls.

I don't need you to tell me

what our priorities are, Seamus.

When I took over this archdiocese,

it was virtually broke.

The banks now Iend us money,

due in no small measure

to Monsignor Spellacy here.

Well, if he has his way,

there'II be pay toilets for the rectory next.

Seamus, I've known you for,

what is it, 50 years now.

And you were always a pain in the neck.

Now, you've had your say.

Good afternoon.

Nothing today without a reservation,

I'm afraid.

Monsignor Spellacy's table.

I was under the impression

that Monsignor Spellacy

would be Iunching with Mr. Amsterdam.

Well, you made a mistake, fuckhead.

Right this way, sir.

Monsignor.

I'd Iike to talk to you.

Bye.

I'm sure I'II have a better table

in a moment, Monsignor.

It's perfectly all right, John.

I'II have a rob roy, straight up, twist,

thank you.

And, Tommy, what would you Iike?

A Schlitz, straight up, no twist,

as Iong as His Eminence is paying.

-I'm so sorry, Monsignor.

-That's all right.

-The usual, Monsignor?

-Yes, please. Thank you.

Tommy, what would you Iike?

-The usual will be fine for me too.

-Yes.

-Whatever it is.

-You'II find out.

His Eminence told me

to tell you that he was very grateful

for what you did for Father Gagnon.

It's nothing. Anytime, anytime.

Oh, yes, I saw this before.

It's a very nice photo.

Well, you get your face in the paper

often enough, Des, for a priest and all.

For a mick priest from Boyle Heights.

No, you know,

you always were a harp with class.

In fact, what are you going to call yourself

when you become pope?

I don't know. I thought about it.

-Maybe I'II call myself Gelasius II.

-Yeah?

It has a nice Iittle ring to it,

don't you think?

Then again, it could be something simpler.

Thomas, after you.

There's never been a Pope Thomas.

Thomas I.

Thomas I. I Iike that.

It's nice and common.

A constant reminder to me

that the flesh is weak.

Don't give me that pious crap, Des.

Not after that raffle

at the Holy Innocents Iast year,

fixing it so that Sonny O'Meara's daughter

got that new Studebaker.

No wonder you gave such a big hello

to Sonny over there.

Well, what did you get out of that?

Sonny's vote on the planning commission.

Got the property condemned

for the new school at Holy Innocents.

Well, you should have mentioned

the name Cornelia Cronin to him.

You would have saved yourself

a Studebaker.

"Corky," they call her.

She's a bookkeeper

in one of his funeral parlors,

and she broke her back one weekend

on Sonny's boat

when Mrs. Sonny was off

making a retreat.

He prays a Iot better on a boat, Sonny,

is what I hear.

And she gets $500 a month for Iife, Corky.

Excuse me, sir.

For the Iimp.

-Put this on my tab, waiter.

-Yes, sir.

It's all right, Jack. Thank you.

No, no, no, Monsignor.

Your money's no good here.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Jack, this is my brother, Tom.

Jack Amsterdam.

-How are you?

-I haven't had the pleasure.

Got the family resemblance. That's nice.

It's nice to have an older brother.

I wish I would have had an older brother.

You know, I don't hear from you

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