True Romance Page #17

ELLIOT:

So you guys got five hundred thousand dollars worth of cola that you're

unloading -

CLARENCE:

Want an animal cracker?

ELLIOT:

Yeah, OK.

He takes one.

CLARENCE:

Leave the gorillas.

ELLIOT:

- that you're unloading for two hundred thousand dollars -

CLARENCE:

Unloading? That's a helluva way to describe the bargain of a lifetime.

DICK:

(trying to chill him out)

Clarence...

ELLIOT:

Where did you get it?

CLARENCE:

I grow it on my window-sill. The lights really great there and I'm up high

enough so you can't see it from the street.

ELLIOT:

(forcing a laugh)

Ha ha ha. No really, where does it come from?

CLARENCE:

Coco leaves. You see, they take the leaves and mash it down until it's kind

of a paste -

ELLIOT:

(turning to Dick)

Look, Dick, I don't -

CLARENCE:

(laughing)

No problem, Elliot. I'm just f***in' wit ya, that's all. Actually, I'll

tell you but you gotta keep it quiet. Understand, if Dick didn't assure me

you're good people I'd just tell ya, none of your f***in' business. But, as

a sign of good faith, here it goes: I gotta friend in the department.

ELLIOT:

What department?

CLARENCE:

What do you think, eightball?

ELLIOT:

The police department?

CLARENCE:

Duh. What else would I be talking about? Now stop askin' stupid doorknob

questions. Well, a year and a half ago, this friend of mine got access to

the evidence room for an hour. He snagged this coke. But, he's a good cop

with a wife and a kid, so he sat on it for a year and a half until he found

a guy he could trust.

ELLIOT:

He trusts you?

CLARENCE:

We were in Four H together. We've known each other since childhood. So, I'm

handling the sales part. He's my silent partner and he knows if I get

f***ed up, I won't drop dime on him. I didn't tell you nothin' and you

didn't hear nothin'.

ELLIOT:

Sure. I didn't hear anything.

Elliot is more than satisfied. Clarence makes a comical face at Dick when Elliot's not looking. Dick is wearing I-don't-believe-this-guy expresion. Alabama is forever blowing bubbles.

CUT TO:

EXT. LOS ANGELES ZOO - SNACK BAR - DAY

We're in the snack bar area of the zoo. Alabama, Dick, and Elliot are sitting around a plastic outdoor table. Clarence is pacing around the table as he talks. Alabama is still blowing bubbles.

CLARENCE:

(to Elliot)

Do I look like a beautiful blond with big tits and an ass that tastes like

French vanilla ice-cream?

Elliot hasn't the slightest idea what that is supposed to mean.

ELLIOT:

What?

CLARENCE:

Do I look like a beautiful blond with big tits and an ass that tastes like

French vanilla ice-cream?

ELLIOT:

(with conviction)

No. No, you don't.

CLARENCE:

Then why are you telling me all this bullshit just so you can f*** me?

DICK:

Clarence...

CLARENCE:

(to Dick)

Let me handle this.

ELLIOT:

Get it straight, Lee isn't into taking risks. He deals with a couple of

guys, and he's been dealing with them for years. They're reliable. They're

dependable. And, they're safe.

CLARENCE:

Riddle me this, Batman. If you're all so much in love with each other, what

the f*** are you doing here? I'm sure you got better things to do with your

time than walk around in circles starin' up a panther's ass. Your guy's

interested because with that much sh*t at his fingertips he can play Joe

f***in' Hollywood till the wheels come off. He can sell it, he can snort

it, he can play Santa Claus with it. At the price he's payin', he'll be

everybody's best friend. And, you know, that's what we're talkin' about

here. I'm not puttin' him down. Hey, let him run wild. Have a ball, it's

his money. But, don't expect me to hang around forever waitin' for you guys

to grow some guts.

Elliot has been silenced. He nods his head in agreement.

INT. PORSCHE - MOVING - MULHOLLAND DRIVE - DAY

Movie producer, Lee Donowitz, is driving his Porsche through the winding Hollywood hills, just enjoying being rich and powerful. His cellular car phone rings, he answers.

LEE:

Hello.

(pause)

Elliot, it's Sunday. Why am I talkin' to you on Sunday? I don't see enough

of you during the week I gotta talk to you on Sunday? Why is it you always

call me when I'm on the windiest street in L.A.?

BACK TO:

ELLIOT:

Elliot is on the zoo payphone. Clarence is next to him. Dick is next to Clarence. Alabama is next to Dick, blowing bubbles.

ELLIOT:

(on phone)

I'm with that party you wanted me to get together with. Do you know what

I'm talking about, Lee?

BACK TO:

LEE:

Store-fronts whiz by in the background.

LEE:

Why the hell are you calling my phone to talk about that?

BACK TO:

ELLIOT:

ELLIOT:

Well, he'd here right now, and he insists on talking to you.

BACK TO:

LEE:

In the 7th street tunnel. Lee's voice echoes.

LEE:

Are you outta your f***in' mind?

BACK TO:

ELLIOT:

ELLIOT:

You said if I didn't get you on the -

Clarence takes the receiverout of Elliot's hand.

CLARENCE:

(into phone)

Hello, Lee, it's Clarence. At last we meet.

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