True Romance Page #22

DIMES:

But there is a bright side though. If you ever have to play a part of a guy

who gets f***ed in the ass on a daily basis by throat-slitting n*ggers,

you'll have so much experience to draw on -

NICHOLSON:

And just think, when you get out in a few years, you'll meet some girl, get

married, and you'll be so understanding to your wife's needs, because

you'll know what it's like to be a woman.

DIMES:

'Course you'll wanna f*** her in the ass. P*ssy just won't feed right

anymore -

NICHOLSON:

That is, of course, if you don't catch Aids from all your anal intrusions.

Elliot starts crying. Nicholson and Dimes exchange looks and smile. Mission accomplished.

INT. POLICE STATION - CAPTAIN KRINKLE'S OFFICE - DAY

CAPTAIN BUFFORD KRINKLE is sitting behind his desk, where he spends about seventy-five percent of his day. He's you standard rough, gruff, no-nonsense, by-the-book-type police captain.

KRINKLE:

Nicholson! Dimes! Het in here!

The two casually dressed, sneaker-wearing cops rush in, both shouting at once.

DIMES:

Krinkle, this is it. We got it, man. And it's all ours. I mean talk about

fallin' into somethin'. You shoulda seen it, it was beautiful. Dimes is

hittin' him from the left about being f***ed in the ass by n*ggers, I'm

hittin' him form the right about not likin' p*ssy anymore, finally he

starts cryin', and then it was all over -

NICHOLSON:

Krinkle, you're lookin' at the two future cops of the month. We have it,

and if I say we, I don't mean me and him, I'm referring to the whole

department. Haven't had a decent bust this whole month. Well, we mighta

come in like a lamb, but we're goin' out like a lion -

KRINKLE:

Both you, idiots shut up, I can't understand sh*t! Now, what's happened,

what's going on, and what are you talking about?

DIMES:

Okee-dokee. It's like this, Krinkle; a patrol car stops this dork for

speeding, they walk up to window and the guy's covered in coke. So they

bring his ass in and me an' Nicholson go to work on him.

NICHOLSON:

Nicholson and I.

DIMES:

Nicholson and I go to work on him. Now er know somthing's rotten in

Denmark, 'cause this d*ckhead had a big bag, and it's uncut, too, so we're

sweatin' him, trying to find out where he got it. Scarin' the sh*t outta

him.

NICHOLSON:

Which wasn't too hard, the guy was a real squid.

DIMES:

So we got this guy scared shitless and he starts talkin'. And, Krinkle, you

ain't gonna f***in' believe it.

CUT TO:

INT. RESTAURANT - DAY

Detroit. Very fancy restaurant. Four wise-guy Hoods, one older, the other three, youngsters, are seated at the table with Mr. Coccotti.

COCCOTTI:

- And so, tomorrow morning comes, and no Virgil. I check with Nick

Cardella, who Virgil was supposed to leave my narcotics with, he never

shows. Now, children, somebody is stickin' a red-hot poker up my a**hole

and what I don't know is whose hand's on the handle.

YOUNG WISE-GUY #1 (FRANKIE)

You think Virgil started gettin' big ideas?

COCCOTTI:

It's possible. Anybody can be carried away with delusions of grandeur. But

after that incident in Ann Arbor, I trust Virgil.

YOUNG WISE-GUY #2 (DARIO)

What happened?

OLD WISE-GUY(LENNY)

Virgil got picked up in a warehouse shakedown. He got five years, he served

three.

COCCOTTI:

Anybody who clams up and does hid time, I don't care how I feel about him

personally, he's OK.

BACK TO:

KRINKLE'S OFFICE

NICHOLSON:

It seems a cop from some department, we don't know where, stole a half a

million dollars of coke from the property cage and he's been sittin' on it

for a year and a half. Now the cops got this weirdo -

DIMES:

Suspect's words -

NICHOLSON:

To front for him. So Elliot is workin' out the deal between them and his

boss, a big movie producer named Lee Donowitz.

DIMES:

He produced "Coming Home in a Body Bag".

KRINKLE:

That Vietnam movie?

DIMES:

Uh-huh.

KRINKLE:

That was a good f***in' movie.

DIMES:

Sure was.

KRINKLE:

Do you believe him?

DIMES:

I believe he believes him.

NICHOLSON:

He's so spooked he'd turn over his momma, his daddy, his two-panny granny,

and Anna and the King of Siam if he had anything on him.

DIMES:

This rabbit'll do anything not to do time, including wearing a wire.

KRINKLE:

He'll wear a wire?

DIMES:

We talked him into it.

KRINKLE:

Dirty cops. We'll have to bring in internal affairs on this.

DIMES:

Look, we don't care if you bring in the state milita, the volunteer fire

department, the L.A. Thunderbirds, the ghost of Steve McQueen, and the

twelve Roman gladiators, so long as we get credit for the bust.

NICHOLSON:

Cocaine. Dirty cops. Hollywood. This is Crocket and Tubbs all the way. And

we found it, so we want the f***in' collar.

BACK TO:

INT. RESTAURANT - DAY

YOUNG WISE-GUY #3 (MARVIN)

Maybe Virgil dropped it off at Cardella's. Cardella turns Virgil's switch

off, and Cardella decides to open up his own fruit stand.

LENNY:

Excuse me, Mr. Coccotti.

(to Marvin)

Do you know Nick Cardella?

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