Turbo Kid

1

This is the future.

The world as we know it is gone.

Acid rain has left the land barren,

and the water toxic.

Scared by endless wars, humanity struggles

to survive in the ruins of the old world.

Frozen in an everlasting nuclear winter,

this is the future.

This is the year 1997.

Turbo Blast!

- Yeah!

- Oh, yeah! Come on.

Kid!

Hey, oh, man, it's been a long time.

How you been, huh?

OK.

A vicious whore bit me, right smack

in the middle of my nut-sack.

That sh*t ever happen to you?

Hey, what happened?

Who did that?

It was the rat.

That rat did that?

It was a vicious rat.

You know, it's a goddamn miracle

that you're still surviving on your own.

Well, how about a drink?

Uh, no thank you.

Suit yourself.

Are you gonna play nice, Mr Bird?

Huh? Are you gonna play nice?

OK.

OK.

The drinks are on you.

- Yeah.

- Aha-ha.

Huh, still undefeated.

So, what else you got?

Oh, um...

Well for this junk, I, uh,

can give you the usual.

Hmm?

Let me give you a couple

of these too on credit.

Looks worse than ever.

Well, if you feel like

complaining some more,

you're more than welcome to lap up

whatever's on the floor.

This sucks.

Hey!

Keep pedalling, you piece of sh*t.

Unbelievable.

Or I could always, uh, toss this in

for good measure, hmm?

What the hell do you think

you're doing? Huh?

You can't just walk

into a man's personal bubble.

His what?

A man's personal space,

the arm-length radius, yeah?

My mother-f***ing-comfort-zone,

and it's family only.

Sir?

Can't you see I'm in

the middle of something here?

- Another one's gone missing.

- Who?

I haven't got all day.

Are you going to tell me who it is,

or am I gonna beat it out of you?

It's your brother.

F***!

Let's roll!

- Let's go!

- Yeah, come on. Move it.

Outstanding performance!

Your infamous brother would be proud.

Do you have any last requests?

Hmm, try not to see this as punishment

but rather an opportunity to prove

your usefulness in these difficult times.

"Your reign of justice

is over, Turbo Rider,

"but to be a true hero,

you'll have to save your girlfriend."

"Save me, Turbo Rider."

"Your evil plan will fail, Dr Robotor."

"I will destroy you with my Turbo Glove,

the ultimate weapon against the robot threat."

"But I am no ordinary robot,

I am a secret weapon.

"Prepare to taste

a full turbo charge of..." Um...

Hey!

What's that in your hand?

It's, um, it's a comic book.

What's it about?

It's about Turbo Rider?

That's rad.

Are you alone?

Do you have any friends?

Oh, do you want to play hide and seek?

- I, um, I gotta go.

- Wait!

Before we go,

I just have to take care of something.

It's OK, now. You don't have to worry

about me any more.

I found a new friend.

I'll be fine I promise.

Um... Hmm.

Sir, sir?

I've been thinking. I don't know,

do you think it'd be a better idea

to keep looking for the water source,

instead of, you know, fighting Zeus?

Are you saying we should

abandon my brother?

No. No. No, but I mean,

do you really think we stand a chance?

Chance? Is that how you think

I became a champion?

A man with a good plan

has already won half the battle.

So what is the plan?

Right now, the plan is to take a piss.

Who needs chance anyways?

What a cheap move.

How'd I know that was gonna be you?

Soon you'll have to learn

how to fix it by yourself.

Here you go.

- Good morning!

- Whoa!

What are you doing here?

Breakfast.

Wow, where did you find all this stuff?

Look at all these!

It's like a museum of coolness in here.

Oh, I love these, and the mixed colours.

Look at that dress.

I love the colour of that dress.

It's so nice. Oh, my God.

- There's so many little things...

- Hey! Don't touch that!

Are you OK?

Yeah, just, you know,

- you stepped in my manly bubble, thing...

- Oh.

Did I break it?

No, it's more of a, um,

an arm length, um, comfort radius zone, OK?

Oh, I see.

- How did you find me?

- Oh, it's the bracelet.

Oh, great. Well,

how do you get it off?

Oh, you just don't.

Sit.

Eat your cereal before it gets all mushy.

- OK, how do I know you didn't poison this?

- Well, because, friends don't poison friends.

No, no, OK. We are not friends.

OK? I don't even know who you are.

We met at the playground.

Yeah,

but you broke into my home.

You touched my things...

And you talk to dead people.

And I brought you back

your Turbo Rider comic book.

Well, OK, you know,

I thought you would want to hang out,

- but you know, if you want me to go, then...

- Wait!

OK, you can, you can stay.

But just for a while.

My name's Apple.

Of course it is.

What are we going to do today?

- I am going scavenging.

- Rad. I love scavenging.

No, no, no! You, hmm, you stay here.

Just don't touch anything.

Well, why can't I come?

Um, well, because...

Because you don't have a bike.

We are going scavenging.

Yes!

I love scavenging.

OK.

You were right!

Your manly bubble is really comfortable!

OK, we need to talk.

OK, if you're coming with me, you need

to follow the survival rules of the wasteland.

OK! I love rules!

OK, rule number one,

always have water on you.

Water, check.

And, rule two,

always stay within the safe zone.

Ooh, that's clever.

Thank you.

Rule number three,

always have your wheels ready.

Have your wheels ready.

- Um...

- Oh.

Yee-ha!

Number four, try avoiding people,

especially those who look evil.

Well, I'm happy you

didn't avoid me.

Like I had a choice.

So you're Frederick, the arm wrestler.

You have an eye for the obvious, Zeus.

Uh, you know it's wonderful to finally

put a face to the name,

and an honour to have you here.

You can shove that honour up your arse.

Now, what the hell

have you done with my brother?

Patience my good man, patience.

Now, your way of settling things,

I find a bit tedious.

Around here we like to do things

with a little more joie de vivre.

Blades, that's a nice touch.

And there's more, blades and fire!

Haa!

When I say blades and fire,

I want blades and fire.

Do you mind?

No, go ahead.

Thank you.

Just because civilisation is over,

doesn't mean we can't act civilised.

Well, what do you say we see

what the man has to offer, huh?

All right, Zeus, but you won't like

what you see.

You think I didn't see that coming?

I have eyes everywhere.

From where I stand, I only see one.

Mother f***er!

I'm going to kill you with my bare hands.

Well, from where I stand, I only see one.

Rule number five, no hugging while riding.

I'm sorry.

OK, now we really need to find you a bike,

and maybe a helmet.

- Rule number five...

- Six.

- Rule number six...

- Yes.

Always carry a weapon.

And seven, if you don't have one, make one.

Make one.

Making a weapon...

Ah.

This is so pretty.

This is my weapon.

This is my gnome stick.

I really like it a lot, thank you so much.

Pew, poo, poo, poo in the eye,

you're not part of it. Argh!

Yeah, that's right.

Boom! Pow! Gnome!

Boom! Kabam!

Pooh! Nah I told you, get back here!

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