Twentieth Century Page #4

I stuck with her until she got on the train.

- She almost tore my clothes off.

- What train?

We had an awful lot of trouble

through traffic.

- She was in her car and I was following...

- Stop babbling.

What train did she take?

The one to Hollywood.

- Hollywood?

- Yes, sir.

And she told me to tell you

that she was through with you forever.

Oliver, did you hear that?

She's left me.

Say the word, O.J., and I'll kill myself.

Gone. Lily.

How could you do it?

I'll go find her.

I'll bring her back, wherever she is.

No. Put me back in the bullring.

Sew me up like a picador's horse.

Blind me eyes. Let life run over me.

I'm willing to do anything

to make amends, O.J.

Mockery.

Take that name off. Block it out.

Look out, O.J. You'll hurt somebody.

We'll have a lawsuit on our hands.

Anathema. Child of Satan.

No more Lily Garland.

Wipe her off the face of the earth,

back into oblivion, Lily Garland.

- What' s Rembrandt up to?

- Owen, look.

Oblivion.

Owen, have the evening papers

gone to press yet?

- In about an hour.

- Get out your pencil.

You're in no mood to talk to publications.

- Lie down for a while.

- Are you still here? Get out.

I want to make a statement to the press.

I have just fired Lily Garland.

I've thrown her out of my theater

like a dead rat.

Now take it easy, sire.

What are we going to do, O.J.?

The announcements are up for the opening.

- We'll open.

- But how?

Do you think I need any Lily Garland

to open a show of mine?

There's no actress in town

who can hold a candle to her.

There isn't? I'll show you.

- But who? Who, O.J.?

- Quiet.

You, come here.

- Now listen to me, O. J...

- Quiet.

- What' s your name?

- Valerie Whitehouse.

Give Miss Whitehouse Miss Garland' s part.

I know it, Mr. Jaffe.

O.J., you're crazy. This girl can't act.

She hasn't had any experience.

She's just out of stock.

You remember a little lingerie model

named Mildred Plotka...

who was once on this stage,

who couldn't act?

I don't care. I'm not going to let you do this.

You're making a fool of yourself.

Lily Garland' s been putting up with

all this tripe you've been getting away with.

You amoeba.

It' s the truth, whether you know it or not.

Owen, take this creature...

who came to me as an office boy,

as Max Mandlebaum...

and who is now Max Jacobs

for some mysterious reason...

and throw him into the street.

You don't have to throw me. I'll go.

- By the scruff of the neck.

- But I'll tell you something.

Out!

I close the iron door on you.

Okay.

Let the rehearsal begin.

Miss Whitehouse,

we'll take your entrance in Act 1.

Oliver, give me some chalk.

Chicago. What a town.

They should never have taken it away

from the Indians.

It' s a good town for a good show.

The Worls Fair proved that.

Yeah. Fan dances and flea circuses.

When you came here two years ago

with Lily Garland...

the sheriff didn't have

to tack a sign on the stage door.

True, my good mignon, but the sheriff

has been playing a very important part...

in our last four productions.

All right. Okay. We'll see about that.

- What' d he say?

- The sheriff won't listen to reason.

If he doesn't get his money by tomorrow

morning, Jaffe don't leave this town.

- Kind of tough on Chicago.

- "Joan of Arc."

There was absolutely no excuse

for that show. I told him so.

He's going to end up in the breadline...

unless he finds out

that these horse operas...

with a lot of people staggering around

in foul iron suits ain't entertainment.

Where did you leave Jaffe?

At the Morrison Hotel

under the name of Hemingway...

which he's adopted in his grief.

What are his plans,

further than returning tomorrow?

He's going to shoot himself with a gun.

If he gets on that trapeze again,

I'm going to hand him the revolver.

He won't kill himself.

Id please too many people.

Give me a double bicarbonate of soda.

Thas the fifth I've had today.

Oliver, look.

Oblivion.

The biggest thing in pictures.

We could use her.

Four flops in a row since she left.

Five. I blame her for everything.

When she left Jaffe,

she took his genius with her.

Do you know how much he paid for

long-distance calls to Hollywood last year?

$1,800, and she hung up on him every time.

In some Humpty Dumpty way,

that was true love.

Yeah, Romeo and Juliet.

20th Century leaving for New York

on Track 6. All aboard.

Say, listen, my fine-feathered friend,

you're just wasting your time...

patrolling this lonely coast.

Mr. Jaffe is not getting on this train.

I'll say he ain't.

I've got four men watching every gate.

He ain't going to leave this state

without paying up...

and if you're a smart young fellow...

you'll stop making a nuisance of yourself.

So you're gonna get personal?

I'll cool you off in 17 shades of lavender.

Here, what' s going on?

This demigod thinks he's in darkest Russia.

Now, just a minute, Owen.

Who is your immediate superior?

Never mind that. You see this picture?

The minute I lay eyes on this fellow, Jaffe...

he's going right over

to the South Clark Street Police Station.

I beg your pardon, sir.

May I trouble you all for a match?

Sure thing, brother. Here.

Thank you.

I'm taking the 20th Century.

I hope I ain't late.

No, it' s over there. You can just make it.

Thanks for your courtesy, sir.

That' s perfectly all right.

There's no use quarreling with

this gentleman. He's only doing his duty.

If he's going to arrest Jaffe,

he's going to arrest him.

- We can't prevent it.

- All right, Oliver.

- Goodbye, sir.

- Goodbye.

Thank you all for your hospitality, sir.

Come down and have a julep

with we all sometime, sir.

I will, thank you.

Very clever, O.J.

You had us both fooled for a minute.

I never thought I should sink so low

as to become an actor.

It was humiliating.

Too bad you didn't play Joan of Arc.

Never mind that, Owen.

You've been drinking again.

Go and order lunch.

Tell them to put me by myself

at a large table.

How do you suppose I'm going to do that?

The diner's packed.

Tell them it' s for me. Go on.

If you want privacy,

why don't you travel in a balloon?

O.J., we might as well get it over.

I've got some unpleasant figures here.

Do you know what I was thinking about?

On the way to the train?

Nothing morbid, I hope.

That of all my 68 productions...

the most artistic was Joan of Arc.

Yes, it would have been fine if the audience

had known what it was all about.

Audience.

I saw the play five times

and cried like a baby.

That fire effect was pure genius.

I've never done anything better.

Fire effect and all, we're $74,000

and a few pennies in the hole.

Care to look at it?

What a magnificent failure.

If I'm a genius, Oliver,

it' s because of my failure.

Always remember that.

May I take your bag, sir?

Just keep your hands off my bag

and don't bother me.

I don't want to see you again

from here to New York City.

Yes, sir.

"Repent, for the time is at hand."

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