Two For The Money Page #2

Every day with Walter's an adventure.

Super cool, super mean

Feelin' good for the man,

supertly, here I stand

Secret stash, heavy bread,

baddest b*tches in the bed

I'm your pusherman

I'm your pusherman

That's OK.

All right double it. Triple it.

No everything's about money.

Listen this Sunday my little girl

an angel turns six.

This is not likely to happen again.

She loves elephants.

Your circus has ten. I only need one.

Now my little girl's happiness

is in your hands.

I don't need advice

from a guy who doubles as a clown.

I need a f***ing elephant.

Now I'm willing to pay.

What'll it take to grease your wheels

and get one here this weekend? Hello?

Fuckwad!

Find Ringling Brothers. Get someone

who understands profit. Whoa!

Brandon Lang.

The Marlboro man here.

- Nice to meet you.

- Hey you're in great shape.

- I've been in better.

- You're modest too. Oh!

Modesty - not a virtue.

Could be a vice. Sit down.

There are rules to success my friend.

Rule number one is know what you know

know what you don't know

and know that I gotta know everything

you know as soon as you know it.

- Sooner.

- Yes sir.

- You ever sell before?

- No.

- Are you religious?

- I believe in God.

Hey Liz.

This is me 30 years ago right?

It's remarkable the resemblance.

I mean he's a little taller. I'll give him that.

Oh boy you know I'm not supposed

to do this. It's bad for my... condition.

Nobody knows this Liz OK?

So before I die...

Did you do anything

other than sports phone in Vegas?

Just the 900 recordings

you know 10 bucks a call.

That's chump change.

I mean we're going after

much bigger fish here.

You know networks don't talk about it

government can't tax it

but sports betting

is a 200-billion-dollar-a-year business.

- Whoa.

- Yeah.

A lot of gamblers out there man

and they have needs.

And come Monday morning after a losing

weekend they got big needs. Gargantuan.

See that? That's every

football game played last Sunday.

You know why Monday-night football's

the most watched game of the week?

Monday's the last chance bettors have

to climb out of the hole they got in

to pay their bookies on Tuesday.

Sports betting's illegal in 49 states

including this one.

But what we do is not.

We are 100% legal like stockbrokers

only instead of counting stocks

we advise people on how to bet.

Now if a client wins by taking our advice

we get a percentage or we ask for one

which they will gladly give us because

they want to keep getting the advice.

But if they lose we get zip.

So the object here my dear

tall athletic religious friend is to win.

I can do that.

- Hello. This is Walter...

- Hello Walter.

That's my cable show.

Now, after a nice

five-day vacation on my yacht...

Airs Saturday and Sunday morning

nationwide. We tape Thursday and Fri...

What's going on with my hair?

He did it again Liz.

I got one part of my head in Cleveland

the other's in Chicago.

What are we gonna do with this guy?

My barber. Should be shot. I want him dead.

For the first time,

I'm gonna release our three-team

college and pro parlays absolutely free.

If all the picks are free

how'd you get the yacht?

There's no yacht.

Next question.

Why give any picks for free?

Why not charge a fee up-front initially?

You make a good point. Next.

What's on the second floor?

That's where we print the money.

- Anything else?

- Of course not.

No I think I've got it.

I think everything's crystal clear Walter.

I like you you know that?

You and me - this thing's gonna work.

- I'm looking forward to it.

- Me too.

Ringling Brothers on one.

Tell them to hold that elephant.

You ever have a manicure?

There's a girl you gotta meet.

- Yeah? What's she like?

- She's beautiful. You're gonna like her.

Is this Barnum or Bailey?

- I've got it.

- He's all yours.

- Brandon?

- Yeah.

- Hi. I'm Toni.

- Nice to meet you.

Walter said you'd stop by.

- This was his idea.

- Yeah I know.

Does he make

all of his employees do this?

- Yep. Every one.

- How often?

Once. Before they start work.

- Weird.

- You think?

I never had my nails done before.

Yeah I can see that

but you've got strong hands. That's nice.

Do you drink?

Excuse me?

- Alcohol. Are you a drinker?

- I have a beer every once in a while.

- Do you smoke?

- No.

- What about gambling?

- What about it?

I'm sorry. I'm just a bit pressed for time.

- I asked do you bet? Are you a bettor?

- No.

Really?

Why not?

Toni huh?

- Are you here full time?

- Yeah no this is my shop. I better be.

So why don't you gamble?

Well I did once.

I wagered everything I had and I lost.

So?

I just swore I'd never do it again.

- You're sticking to that story?

- Yeah.

I'm not gonna start

this relationship off by lying.

That's good. Walter could definitely use

someone with a little resolve in his life.

Hey Toni.

Would you have dinner with me tonight?

What do you say?

- He didn't tell you.

- Tell me what?

Brandon Walter and I are married.

Oh. Oh bogey. Wait a minute.

Wait wait wait. Listen.

He said to come to meet a nice lady...

I'm sure he did.

That's OK. I'll kill him when I get home.

He has a big bright beautiful spirit

though and you will love working for him.

But he is held together by meetings.

If it has "anonymous" at the end

he goes. He has to.

He also has to be careful

who he lets into his life.

Most ways Walter's brilliant

but he can be bullshitted and I can't.

He sends them to me before hiring them.

- So this was my interview.

- Oh you're swift.

How'd I do?

Except for an illegal forward pass perfect.

Congratulations.

Thank you very much.

This is the first floor,

and it's all yours.

The TV's satellite and it swivels.

Your bedroom.

Got a Jacuzzi in there

the size of a kiddy pool.

You know what this is?

Looks like weights to me.

Yeah baby.

Now I'm gonna put your copy here...

on your desk.

Walter this is sweet ass.

- A man's chair.

- That's what I'm talking about.

OK. I'm gonna start you on the 900 numbers.

Same gig you had in Vegas.

Make your picks record them each day.

Monday through Friday once a day.

- Five times a day on a weekend.

- Mm-hm.

Each call's worth 25 bucks a shot.

Now we're doing about

three dozen hits a week. That's nothing.

We should triple that.

Now before you get into your test copy

here I got a few words for you.

Your pitch sucks. No offence.

But you got potential

so we gotta find a way to bust you out.

- Bust me out?

- Yeah.

We're gonna start

by giving you a new name.

John Anthony. Just came to me.

John Anthony the million-dollar man.

What's wrong with Brandon Lang?

Nothing's wrong with Brandon Lang.

It's just that he's still living with his mommy.

John Anthony's living large.

He don't hold back.

He's got a direct line to God.

And for a measly 25 bucks a call

he's gonna let the world's losers listen in.

"Hello sports fans.

"This is John Anthony in the Big Apple

with my big-money picks.

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