Two Much

---

Brenda. Brenda.

Brenda.

- Brenda.

- Yes?

- Mrs. Doyle?

- Yes?

- Can I help you?

- I am Art Dodge from Art's Gallery on Lincoln Road.

- I have Mr. Doyle's painting.

- Painting?

Yeah, the one

he bought last week.

My husband?

Benjamin Doyle?

Please accept my condolences.

He was a wonderful man, a wonderful man.

I never knew Benjamin

to be interested in art.

He was.

He really was.

- Good morning.

- Good morning.

- Business letter?

- What business?

I'm writing my mother for money.

I've given up asking you.

- Any calls?

- No.

- Come on. None?

- Power and Light, Ma Bell, Sammy's Deli.

I don't want to know.

I'm dead.

- Well, that should simplify matters for somebody.

- Who?

Hillerman. He says he's gonna kill you

for up to six months' back rent.

- You remind me of my father.

- Is that a proposition?

Come on.

You both love to read

the obituaries.

Oops.

- Hola, Conchita.

- Ah, Mrs...

- Uh, Miss Kerner, please come in.

- Thank you.

- The service is private.

- I'd like to see Mr. Palletto.

- El senor?

- El senor.

- I'm afraid that's not possible.

- What's the matter, Conchita?

Excuse me, I am Art Dodge

from Art's Gallery on Lincoln Road...

and I have the painting

Mr. Palletto bought last week.

I said I'd

deliver it today.

- I think you better come in.

- Sure.

You want me to believe

my dad bought that?

Oh, it was your father?

I-I'm sorry. Eh, well, maybe...

Maybe this is not

the right moment, but yeah.

Last Monday

at my gallery.

That's strange.

Last Monday Dad was in a hospital.

- Did I say "last Monday"?

- Mm-hmm.

Maybe... maybe it was

two Mondays ago.

All I know is it was

definitely a Monday.

What's definite is you're

a son of a b*tch...

with no respect

for a dead man...

or his family's

suffering.

But you're lucky.

I'm going to help you understand

what suffering is.

Eh... I-I-I can come back

another time.

My father hated

modern art.

He thought the people

who made it were pansies...

and the people

who bought it were suckers.

But they love it.

When they get through

with you...

your face is gonna look

like a Picasso.

Wait, wait, wait.

Maybe this is all

a big misunderstanding.

What did you say

your father's name was?

Let me in.

- I'm sorry, Mama.

- Thank you. Thank you, dear.

Thanks for coming,

Betty.

Good-bye, Gene.

You have my

deepest sympathy.

No. You have mine.

Oh.

I hope time heals all your...

- You're pushing it, pal.

- Pain.

Maria, take care

of Mama.

Betty. Betty.

We need to talk.

I have nothing to say to you, Gene. I

only came out of respect for your father.

Well, Betty, look.

I'm in bad shape.

I'm at home crying my eyes out,

and you're out having a good time.

I'd be having a better time if you

didn't follow me everywhere I went.

You know the happiest day

of my father's life?

The day you and I

got married.

- You know the happiest day of my life?

- What?

The day we got divorced.

- Now get out of my way and leave me alone, you big bully.

- Ooh. Ow.

Betty, Betty.

I'm seeing Dr. Huffeyer.

Oh, great.

That's just great.

Out of all the shrinks in Miami,

you have to go see mine?

Well, I'm not gonna see him anymore because

I don't want to share anything with you...

- not even this planet!

- He's helping me change.

- I'm channeling all my anger

into some positive crap.

Listen to me, damn it!

I've changed! Ow!

I love you!

You can come out now.

- Thanks.

- You're welcome.

That was exciting,

with those big lugs looking for you...

and Gene standing there

not knowing you were in the back seat.

I had a hunch something great

was gonna happen today.

- It did. I'm still alive.

- Yeah.

- Sorry.

- For now. Thanks to you.

I'm Betty.

Betty Kerner.

- Art Dodge.

- It's really nice to meet you, Art.

Same here, Betty.

I guess you are not

going downtown, right?

Uh-uh.

Let me see if you got this right.

- Arriba.

- Arriba.

- Abajo.

- Abajo.

- Al centro.

- Al centro.

- Por dentro.

- Por dentro.

Mmm.

I'm loaded.

Um, what about you?

No.

No, I cry too much.

Don't you ever cry?

Oh, yeah, sure I do. Whenever I

pay taxes, which isn't often anyway.

- You're crazy.

- So are you.

A match made in heaven.

A very long,

pretty blond eyelash.

- Take it with your finger.

- Yeah.

- Okay.

- Make a wish.

- Okay.

- Blow it away.

Who is it?

It's Ellen, darling. Open up.

Oh, gee, in a second.

Just...

Oof!

Oh. Ohh!

I was right.

A match made in heaven.

Hey, that's

Betty Kerner.

And who's that bimbo

with her?

Let's check it out.

Hmm.

They say that the

third time is the charm.

Third what?

- Marriage.

- Oh.

Who was the first?

Gene.

- Who was the second?

- Gene.

You married that guy

twice?

Now ask me who's

gonna be the third.

Miss Kerner. Hey, Miss Kerner,

who's your new friend?

- Eh...

- My fianc.

Cool.

One, two, three!

Aah!

Boom, boom!

Can you guess what I am thinking?

Can you guess

what I'm thinking?

I'm sorry.

I'm... I'm... I'm sorry.

I-I-I thought that...

You can go out

the same way you came in.

Sure. Uh...

I'm sorry.

Wild guess,

but are these yours?

Yes.

Sorry.

- I'm sorry.

- I know. Now try "good-bye."

Good-bye.

Oh, Dios.

But I have to have it fitted tomorrow.

Ciao.

- How long have you known him?

- Seems like forever.

Oh, less than

24 hours then.

Oh, yes, Hopper.

Of course you can be the flower dog.

Right?

So do I get a new bridesmaid's getup, or should

I just put some more miles on the old one?

- Good morning.

- Good morning.

- You've met my sister Liz already.

- Yeah.

Lay down, now.

Hello?

No, no, no, the invitations should read

"The Honorable Art Dodge," don't you think?

- The invitations?

- Yeah. Engraved.

And they should be

in the mail by Tuesday.

Okay. Ciao.

Fantastic. Bye.

- Betty, can I talk to you alone?

- Yeah, in one second.

In one second.

Father Larrabee.

He's on the golf course?

- Wow, you hooked yourself the big one, didn't you?

- Do you have a cellular number?

This must go way beyond

your wildest little gigolo dreams.

Okay. Thanks.

Isn't he adorable?

- Yeah.

- Betty, we need to talk.

- Wait.

- What about? Your allowance?

- Father Larrabee, it's Betty.

- Look...

- I don't need to. I've seen enough.

- It's good? Great.

No, no. He's a different one.

Yes, but he's wonderful,

and you'll love him.

I'll talk to you soon.

Bye.

So how does

the third sound?

It's my birthday.

I'll be 33.

It's my third wedding,

and three is my lucky number.

- Great. Great.

- Yes?

- Eh, I've got to go to work.

- It has a job. How refreshing.

- Gotta go. Bye.

- Have a good day.

Come on, buddy.

Come on, boy.

- I don't think she likes me.

- Oh, don't listen to her.

She's been involved with this guy who's a

married man. It's been a really bad deal.

I see congratulations

are in order.

I am not getting married.

It's like a big misunderstanding.

- Okay?

- Oh, so, like, you've explained it to her...

and everything's all

straightened out for ya?

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes