Two Rode Together

Thank you, Jesu.

Senor, the widow Gomez

has delivered a son this morning.

A boy.

Bully for the widow Gomez.

But, senor, it has been

more than a year ago...

...since Senor Antonio Gomez

has been buried in the church house.

Well, there are some men you just can't

trust to stay where you put them.

You gamblers?

Just get off the stage?

You got eyes in your head, ain't you?

It's what I'm paid for.

Oh, the marshal, huh?

All right, now.

The stage is leaving

in about 15 minutes.

You fellas want a drink, there's

a cantina down the street a piece.

They're not too particular

about their customers.

- Look here, whatever your name is...

- The name's McCabe.

Guthrie McCabe.

We was just passing through.

Nice little town you have here.

Did you say they serve

good whiskey?

No.

Detail, ho!

- Hi, Jim.

- Hiya.

- How are things out at Fort Grant?

- Same as usual.

Who is it? Is that Sergeant Posey?

Sergeant Posey?

I hardly recognised you.

Haven't you put on some weight?

Well, that's a nice...

...dirty, thirsty-looking outfit

you got there, Jim.

- Forty miles.

- Forty miles, huh?

Hey, you men!

How about a nice cold beer?

As you were.

I haven't dismissed

the detail, sergeant.

No, sir.

And before I do, I want one thing

clearly understood.

We're riding out of here

in a couple of hours.

And I mean riding, not floating.

"Riding not floating," that's good.

I'm gonna use that.

And just because Marshal McCabe here

has been generous enough...

...to set us up to five or six beers...

- I didn't say five or...

...that's no reason to abuse

his hospitality.

- Hey, just one beer.

- I count on your discretion, sergeant.

That's all. Detail dismissed!

- Hiya, Guthrie.

- Oh, no. Oh, no.

What?

- Jim, good to see you.

- Good to see you.

- You know, l... No, wait a minute.

- What?

Jesu, fetch a ladder...

...so that Sergeant Posey can get up

on that poor, unfortunate animal.

By George, he made it.

Thank you, marshal.

It'll be a pleasure

drinking to your health.

Follow me!

Well, that was pretty funny, Jim.

But if you think I'm gonna ante up

for all the beer...

...that hippopotamus

of a sergeant can drink...

...between now and the time you leave,

you got two more things coming.

- You're up for re-election, aren't you?

- Sergeant Posey can't vote.

I bet he can't even make

his mark on the ballot.

- What about yourself? Want a beer?

- Yeah, sure.

I'll take this one. Cheers.

Now, Ward.

Ward, come here.

Oh, it's you, Mr. McCabe.

Was you calling my name?

Yeah, yeah.

I told you to take those drunks

over to the courthouse.

Yes, sir, Mr. McCabe,

that's what you told me...

...and that's what I done,

didn't I, fellers?

But it wasn't no use. No use at all.

Was it, fellers?

Well, now, Ward,

why wasn't it any use?

- Or am I supposed to guess?

- No, sir, Mr. McCabe.

Not that it calls for much guessing,

and that's a true fact.

Well, what it comes down to...

...is that the judge hisself

was drunk last night...

...and never even showed up

in court today.

And so as I see it,

they ain't but one thing to do...

...and that's just march

these fellers back to the jail...

...until the judge sobers up enough

to fine them legal and proper.

Now, come on, you fellers. Hurry up.

- One, two...

- Ward.

Turn them loose.

Now, you fellers listen to me.

By orders of Marshal McCabe,

I'm a-turning you loose.

Go on, you're loose!

You ain't turning us loose without

buying us a beer, are you, marshal?

You fellas don't mind drinking with

gamblers and fort soldiers, do you?

All right, Ward, buy them a beer

and point them toward home.

Let's go, boys.

Belle?

- Look who's here.

- Hello.

Guth, how many times

have I told you...

...I don't even wanna look

at a man before 5:00.

Out! Outside, both of you.

Oh, now, Belle, honey, all we want

is just a... All we want is...

You can have anything you want

out on the veranda.

Well, that's a pretty broad statement.

That takes in a lot of territory, Belle.

Lieutenant Gary, I have nothing

against you or the Army.

Well, I sincerely hope not, ma'am.

Ma'am?!

- What am I, your maiden aunt?

- No, ma'am.

- Call me Mrs. Aragon.

- Mrs. Aragon.

- Call me Belle.

- Belle.

Call me madam

if you're tired of living...

...but don't call me ma'am.

- No, ma'am.

And don't brush

that dust off in here.

Excuse me. I'm sorry, ma'am.

If you give me a broom,

I could sweep it up.

- Never mind. Never mind.

- It'd just take a second.

Well, what will you have?

What he could use most is a bath.

Now, don't keep saying

things like that to me.

I'm sorry, that's one service

we don't provide.

Not that it doesn't

have its possibilities.

- Beer suit you?

- You read my mind.

With most men

that's not too difficult.

And not too interesting either.

I can tell when a man

walks through that door...

...whether he prefers

blonds or brunettes...

...drinks whiskey or beer...

...plays blackjack or poker...

...is a cheapskate or a high roller.

- Is that a fact?

Well, how do you peg old Jim here?

Oh, excuse me.

- Beer, blonds and solitaire.

- Solitaire, that's me.

And that'll be four bits, Guth.

He hasn't got a dime.

You called it. I haven't got a dime.

Except I'm not so sure

about blonds.

No man ever is.

- That's true.

- Well, Jim...

...what brings you to town?

Orders.

Well, sure. I didn't think you'd ridden

40 miles for fresh air and sunshine.

My orders are

to accompany you to Fort Grant.

- Accompany me?

- That's right.

And I'm to use any means

short of handcu...

Any means short of handcuffing you

to persuade you...

...to accept the major's invitation.

And if you don't accept,

I will handcuff you.

Sit down, Belle, join us.

What, has there been

a murder out at the fort or...?

Somebody run off

with the sutler's wife?

- Nope.

- Why not?

- It wouldn't be a case of stealing?

- No.

What soldier's got anything

worth stealing?

- That's very true.

- No. I can't agree with that at all.

- You're... You're not gonna tell me?

- No, I'm not gonna tell you.

Well, I don't know, Jim.

That's an awful long ride.

Forty miles. You know, that's...

No, no, that's not so far.

And I have my duties here

to think of.

McCabe, I don't put

my foot down often.

And that's one of the things

I like about you, Belle.

Just one of the things.

But it's a very rare quality in a woman,

and I admire you for it.

What time did you say

we were gonna leave?

- Three o'clock.

- Three o'clock. Fine.

Oh, Belle, get the cook

to build me a steak, will you?

And well-done this time.

Not raw like it was last night.

You didn't eat here last night.

Or the night before.

Well, come to think of it,

I didn't, did I?

No. No, that's right,

I guess I didn't.

Detail, ho!

Fall out for water.

- Fifteen minutes.

- Fifteen minutes!

It's harder than my saddle.

You're in great shape,

sitting on that porch.

You know, I still can't figure it out.

I can't figure it out. No fuss.

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