Two Weeks

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1

KEITH:
Testing, testing.

One, two. One, two.

Okay, that's good.

Ready, Mom?

Okay, how do you

want me to sit?

Any way you want.

I'm just glad you're

finally doing this.

All right. Go ahead. Start.

Great. So, why...

You're just gonna

ask me questions, right?

Hence the "why."

All right.

I guess I better be

careful answering

if this is gonna be

how you remember me.

STEWARDESS:
Mr. Bergman?

Mr. Bergman?

Your coffee.

Oh, right.

Thanks.

Is it okay?

Mmm.

You'd hardly know

it was instant.

Hey.

Hey.

When are the boys coming?

Uh, Barry's flying

the redeye tonight,

and Matthew's driving,

so I guess two days.

And, uh,

he's not alone.

WOMAN ON PA:

Welcome to Wilmington

International Airport.

Oh, great.

For your security,

do not leave...

How's she doing?

Sick. In pain.

She nods off a lot.

You better start reading.

Mmm.

There's an

instruction manual?

You're gonna

wanna read it.

Well, just too bad

nobody ever comes back

and tells these guys

if they got it right.

That's me.

Holy sh*t!

Well, if we study

the literature,

maybe we can grow

from this experience.

Absolutely. Yeah.

I own the whole

Good Tragedy series.

Enjoy your

Parasitic Infection,

Making the Most of Incest,

that was a good one.

I especially enjoyed

Congratulations!

Your Child's an Addict.

Will you just read it?

Oh, give me a break, Em.

This whole thing sucks.

Yeah, it does.

And I've been down here

with Mom and Jim

all by myself all week

watching it happen.

And I don't have

anyone else to talk to,

and so I went

to a bookstore.

Sorry.

Yeah, I know you've been

working really hard, okay?

And I will read the book.

Okay.

They must have been

happy to see you.

Yeah, they are.

I mean, there's only

the two of them,

and they really

need the help.

No, I meant the bookstore.

F*** you, Keith.

MAN ON TV:

This is News 6 at 11:00.

Southeastern North Carolina's

most watched 11:
00 newscast.

Another missing persons

case tonight with

a Blaine County connection.

EMILY:
Mom?

Keith's here.

Hi, Mom.

Hi, honey.

Glad you could come.

I had to get

a few things settled.

Take care of a little

business, remember?

Yes, I remember.

You're my oldest son,

the one who called me

every day this week.

Yeah, I was just...

I'm dying, not senile.

Yes, Mother.

Don't "Yes, Mother" me.

Hand me the clicker.

Thanks.

All right.

Go get settled.

KEITH:
Why did you fire

your first oncologist?

You wanna know that

for posterity?

I'm a trained

film professional.

I'll ask the questions,

you answer them, okay?

Well, when I asked him

how I was gonna die,

he said my intestines

would clog up

and I'd puke myself to death.

Which turns out to be true.

But I figured,

for $275 a visit,

I deserved a little better

bedside manner than that.

I'll be out for

the 9:
30 conference call

this morning,

but I'll be available

on my cell.

Leave the "B" calls

on voicemail.

Tell Swisher I need her

Cisco report by 3:30,

that's 3:
30 p.m. my time,

by email,

and I'll call you

if I think of anything else.

I'll be back as soon

as I can. Later.

You forgot to tell them

how to wipe their asses.

So, is it front to back

or back to front?

Either way is fine.

I like employees to have

a little autonomy.

Do Mom and Jim have DSL?

No.

No.

Well, listen,

I'll stay as long as I can,

but I'm really busy.

What time is it?

On the West Coast,

it's 5:
45 a.m.

Up and at 'em, tiger.

Thanks for waking me.

Mmm-hmm.

You see Mom?

Not yet.

In that case,

thanks for waking me first.

I'll see her.

I'll see her.

I'm just waiting,

you know, to see

if she feels up to it.

If who feels up to it?

Keith, come on, you know

I hate all that stuff.

That's what being here

is all about,

blood, IVs, puking.

Yeah.

Listen, they're playing

your song.

EMILY:
A little help here!

Let's walk

to the bathroom.

I'm so sorry.

Here. Shh. No, stop it.

Hi, Barry.

Mom.

Thanks for coming.

Wouldn't miss it.

Hey, Barry.

Hey, Em.

Can you clean up the bed?

Sure.

My cowboy sheets.

Awesome.

EMILY:
How's it going?

Almost done.

You set in here?

Sure.

Keith, she's

puking up sh*t.

Yeah.

Look, the honest

to God truth,

I'm down here because

my mother's dying.

I want you

to do this for her.

Yeah, it's like her last wish,

something she never had.

Yeah, she really wants

highspeed Internet access.

No good.

She'll be dead by then.

Is there some kind of

rush fee I can pay?

BARRY:
Oh, this whole

dying-mother thing

really motivates people.

It's too bad you can

only use it once.

Do you think?

Here you go.

What's this?

A cheat sheet

from the hospice.

"The stages of dying."

They're coming tomorrow.

We have to be ready.

Haven't you seen

the bumper stickers,

"One day at a time"?

That's my philosophy.

You Hollywood guys,

always in and out of rehab.

You make me sick.

What is it, booze again?

It may be AA,

but it's also Zen.

Be in the moment.

Nothing happens

until it happens.

I can't affect the future,

so I choose not to worry

about it.

That's called denial.

Exactly.

In LA we call it Zen.

Kind of a mystical,

far-Eastern denial.

You know, alcoholics

can be like that.

Well, I'm not an alcoholic.

Well, not yet.

I know it's hard,

just listen.

"Death is a natural process.

"It is normal

to feel emotional."

Bullshit.

When it's my turn,

they're gonna have to

carry me out kicking

and screaming.

Denial.

Total.

No.

You said that I would

have the table...

I said you could

have the car,

not the dining room table.

It's an heirloom.

What am I gonna eat on?

Mom, none of us

really want the...

Hush, hush, hush, hush.

What about the armoire?

We bought that together.

Give it to Emily.

All right, then I get

to keep the table?

Done.

Fine.

Write that down.

I just wanna make sure

you all get your fair share.

What's next?

So, I read about

a new clinical trial

on the Web yesterday.

Now, I know it's a long shot,

but I emailed them.

And I thought maybe

we'll get a hit

before hospice comes.

Keith.

Then I got into

this chat group

that reviews local hospices,

so I know which nurses

to look out for.

Then...

Keith.

Honey, you can't

problem-solve your way

out of this one.

Well, I was just doing

what I can.

It's kind of a...

Zen thing.

I know, Emily told me.

Okay.

KEITH:
Tell me the story

of my birth.

What story?

The one you tell me

every year

when you call me

on my birthday.

I don't.

Yeah, you do.

I do? How boring.

Okay. Um...

Well, you were my first baby

and you had a very big head,

which is not a good combo.

It was before Lamaze,

and so they just

put me in a room by myself,

and let me writhe there

until they thought

I was ready.

And then they gave me

a total block,

not an epidural or anything,

so I couldn't move

my arms and legs

and barely knew where I was.

And they tied down my hands,

and then two big nurses

pushed on me.

I didn't get to push

or be involved in any way.

And then, all of a sudden,

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