Two Weeks Page #2

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I wasn't pregnant anymore,

and I was back in the room

and your father was there,

and I started screaming,

"Where's my baby?

Where's my baby?"

And so, then the nurses

brought you in

so I could see you,

and then I started to cry

and my nose was running,

because you were

the ugliest baby

I had ever seen.

So ugly.

Yeah, but I got

better looking, right?

Jesus.

What time is it?

Oh, God, it's 6:
00.

Forgot to change watch.

Hospice is here.

Best family reunion ever,

eh, Bar?

I'm very pleased that

we have Carol available

to work with you.

Oh, she's good.

Very, very good.

She was Gilda Radner's

hospice nurse.

KEITH:
Really?

How did that

turn out for her?

In the end?

Who?

Gilda.

She died.

I see.

Ouch.

So, uh, how long

do you think this

process will take?

Well, the process

is different for

each individual. It's...

Very different.

Very different, right. Yeah.

But, I mean,

if you had to guess?

Just for planning purposes.

Well, normally,

I'd expect that she'd

have very little time left.

Mmm-hmm.

But for a dying person,

your mother is looking

very healthy.

Uh-huh.

So if you had

to pin it down?

Well, I'd say

very little time.

I see.

Could I check in with you

on another thing?

Sure.

What happens with

the leftover morphine?

Keith!

Oh, well,

after the dying process

is completed,

we'll dispose of

remaining narcotics

according to federal law.

If you have any other

important questions,

please don't

hesitate to call,

day or night.

Carol will be

over at 3:
00.

Thank you so much

for your help.

Thank you.

I call morphine.

Percodan!

Guys, I'm not

in the mood.

BARRY:
You're just pissed

'cause you didn't call it.

I bet if we'd flown

Mom to LA,

we could've gotten

a bigger star's nurse.

I don't know.

I think Gilda's

top of the A-list

for ovarian cancer.

I was thinking

all terminal illnesses.

Oh, I see.

Why don't you both

shut the f*** up?

I mean it.

Cousin Eve? It's Keith.

Aunt Wilma? It's Emily.

Yeah, it has been a while.

Emily!

Not that well, really.

That's why I'm calling.

I'm sorry,

you want what back?

When did she borrow it?

No, not long,

I'm afraid.

Well, that would depend

on what you meant

exactly by "long."

Not long.

I'm supposed to be

in Singapore next week.

Okay read that back to me.

I'm getting

phone finger here.

Would you mind, um,

calling the Scotts,

the Weidermans

and the Parkers?

I really don't know

what to say to these people.

Well...

Sorry.

Hello?

Oh, sure.

Yeah, yeah. Hold on.

Uh, it's for you.

Hello?

Hey, Dad.

Okay, so I set

the nutrient IV

up into the portacath.

I'm sorry, what's that?

The metal valve

I've had inserted

in my chest,

opens right into an artery,

chemo gets in quicker.

You don't leak, do you?

Haven't yet.

It's one-way.

The morphine dispenser

hooks into the same line.

So, if you're feeling

any pain,

just press the button.

You wanna try it?

It's on a timer, so you can

give yourself a dose

whenever you need it,

but you can't OD.

The box only allows

one dose every

10 minutes to start.

What if I need more?

I can increase the dosage

and the frequency

as you need it.

Yeah, Keith?

Do we each get one?

Sorry.

I thought you quit

that stuff after college.

I did.

A grip on my last shoot

gave me this.

We were talking about

dying relatives.

It's good to see

you're dealing with this

in an open,

straightforward way.

Just takes the edge off.

Dad called.

Did they talk?

Yeah, 20 minutes.

What about?

She wouldn't say.

KEITH:
Why did

you and Dad split up?

Hmm.

I don't know.

What were we talking about?

Nothing, Mom.

Why don't you rest?

Don't start with me.

What were we talking about?

The antique clocks.

The antique clocks.

All right.

So I have divvied them up.

You can trade,

but no fighting.

Got it?

Got it.

Open that, after.

Oh.

And there's this.

You wrote your own obituary?

I had some time.

Um, do you have

anything for, you know,

the funeral?

Just cremate me. No funeral.

Do whatever you want.

I don't care.

I don't think

I can be there anyway.

Hey, Matthew.

Hey.

Hey, Matthew.

How was the trip?

My ass has been

asleep since Virginia.

I didn't even see

his lips move.

Come in and say hi.

And then I've got a book

for you to read.

Hey.

I'm giving you

the best stuff.

It's not who gets

what jewelry.

It's that b*tch

getting any of it.

Oh, she's your

brother's wife.

I thought you hated her.

I never said that.

You did, actually,

at their wedding reception.

Egads! Was I drunk?

Well, I'm wiser now.

They're married,

for better or for worse.

Don't make him choose

between his family

and his wife.

Hi, Jim.

Oh, Julia. Come on in.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

All I did was

kiss a few boys.

You were in the janitor's

closet doing it

with Harry Wexler.

Yes.

My God, Harry Wexler?

But discretion was

never your strong suit.

If you hadn't published

their "lip ratings"

in the Nottingham Rag,

you probably could've

gotten away with it.

What is this?

Julia brought

a tuna casserole.

Tuna, noodles,

Campbell's cream

of mushroom soup.

Jesus.

I know.

What are you doing?

Everyone's gonna

start bringing food.

We have to

stay ahead of this

or we're gonna be buried.

Keith.

Keith, Julia's

Mom's best friend.

I see what you're saying.

We should probably

dirty some plates, too.

Good idea.

Gerald Henderson,

three lips out of 10.

He was not pleased.

And?

He had a little dick, too.

Oh, stop!

Yes, he did.

Stop!

Tiny.

I'm so sorry, Neat.

I've gotta

drive back tonight.

I could only

take the day off.

It's always good to see you.

They don't make

friends like us anymore,

do they?

No. Not anymore.

See you.

Yeah, see you.

Love you.

KEITH:

Thanks for coming, Julia.

What are you

talking about?

She'd come for me,

I'd come for her.

Well, thanks.

And the casserole,

it was great.

Is it gonna be in Syracuse?

After?

Yeah, that's where

the relatives are.

I'll be there.

And I'll call every day.

Don't you remember

your grandfather?

KEITH:
I was five

when he died.

Not at all?

You tell me.

Tell me about him.

He was a tailor.

He owned a dry-cleaning shop.

And your mother?

Nana was a housewife.

Um, a great cook.

Always entertaining.

This explains why

you can't sew or cook.

Exactly.

Luckily Nana

is still with us,

so I don't have to.

What?

Nothing.

All my grandkids

are about five.

Some of them younger.

Hey, you guys! Hey!

Daddy!

How was your flight?

Airplane!

Airplane, was there

an airplane

Yes, Daddy.

Yeah?

We slept on the airplane.

Did you?

No.

No?

No.

Hey.

Hi.

The redeye always seems

like such a good idea, right?

Oh, yeah. That's why

I'm gonna let you

do it all by yourself

next time.

Oh, yeah.

Come with me.

How you been, sweetie?

So, how're you doing?

Really?

Yeah.

I'm glad you're here.

Daddy, is Grandma sick?

Yes, she is.

Will she be

all better tomorrow?

I wish she were, Sarah,

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