Two Weeks Notice Page #5

Nobody ever wins or loses

when it comes to women.

You talk about your feelings

until your breath is sucked out your body.

All men are pawns when it comes

to women.

Especially a smart one like Lucy.

She's hard to control.

And you know, the man has got

to be in control.

Like with me.

I come home. When I walk in,

I know my mama has dinner on the table.

All right, so you're still living at home?

Yeah. Yeah.

Of course.

Here's somebody interesting,

Polly St. Clair.

Well, it's a terrific resume, Polly.

Congratulations on the baby.

What baby?

Maybe you should check with me

before you talk.

What baby?

I'd like to talk about

your moot-court experience.

What baby?

Yeah, what baby?

You should do the interviews on your own.

Harry Raskin, Richard Beck.

Interesting prospects for my replacement.

Let's see.

No, it's gotta be a woman.

What a surprise.

I suppose a certain bust size would help.

Maybe some bathing-suit shots?

It will annoy Howard if it's a woman.

- Thank you.

- Tell you what.

All I want is someone

as intelligent as you...

...but a little less tense

and argumentative.

A sort of Katharine Hepburn figure.

You don't deserve Katharine Hepburn.

- Audrey Hepburn.

- Also too good.

Just stay away from the Hepburns.

You forgot a beet.

Beet.

Thank you.

I've got that charity tennis thing tonight.

And I need to know, does this shirt make

me look a bit kind of Bjorn Borg?

Ansel and I got into a huge fight,

and I think we just broke up.

Really?

He wants me to go on a Greenpeace boat.

He thinks I can't embrace life.

Is that the case?

Because I just don't see it.

I just don't see it.

And by the way, how can I embrace him

when he is never here?

Maybe it's me. Maybe the rose-colored

glasses have finally come off.

Okay.

We obviously can't leave you alone

with the stapler.

I'll tell you what. I'll cancel tennis.

They always make me play with Ed Koch.

What can we do to cheer you up?

Nothing. There's no solution.

Good. Good attitude.

I can't help it if I don't like boats.

Surely not all boats.

Yes, all boats.

I don't understand.

What is wrong with me?

At the moment,

huge quantities of alcohol.

I don't know. I just seem

to drive men away.

There's Ansel.

There's Billy from Legal Aid who ran

off with a stripper.

Don't forget Gary from the Peace Corps

who married his trainer.

Gary, yes.

What is wrong with me? I want to know.

You're sort of a man.

- All right?

- I'm good.

So tell me. What's the matter with me?

Well, you can be somewhat intimidating.

You could loosen up a little,

get in touch with your feminine side.

- Okay, that's a good suggestion.

- Perhaps soften your appearance.

Not that I don't love that look,

but you could get dolled up occasionally.

I'm not going to spend hours

fluffing my hair and applying...

...animal-tested makeup to my face...

...just so I can turn myself into some

male fantasy, degrading Kewpie doll.

Unless I, you know, really like the guy

or something.

You see, maybe that's the problem.

You don't like these guys.

You drive them away because you realize,

deep down, they're wrong for you.

They're not wrong for me.

We have all the same political goals

and ideals, all of them.

Which I guess isn't very romantic,

but what can I say?

I'm fine. What can I say?

I'm just not a romantic person.

Never felt that way about anybody.

Nope. No.

No, in high school, Rick Beck took

me parking. You know, parking?

And the whole time I talked

about Nelson Mandela.

Don't know why I did that.

That is hard to say. I certainly would have

found it extremely erotic. Come back.

I'm fine.

I don't know. Maybe I'm

just not good in bed.

Maybe you're not.

I am.

- Yeah?

- Yeah. I am really good in bed.

- You might be lousy.

- No, believe me, pal.

You should be so lucky because

the lawyerly exterior...

...don't let that fool you because

inside I am, like, a complete animal.

It's, like, bobcat. You know, it's scary.

- I can see that it might be.

- No. No. Look, I can bend like a pretzel.

I'm serious.

And I'm not talking the straight kind.

I'm talking, like, the twisty kind.

Twisty like the bobcat,

salty type of pretzel.

Because that's what men want, right?

- That is their dream.

- The twisty-bobcat kind of pretzel...

...because that's what you want, and I bet

I could give you a twisty-bobcat pretzel.

Do you want it?

You're a really good listener.

Luce?

Luce?

Are you...? Hello?

Cormac!

Help!

Help!

I'll just get her upstairs.

Think you can make it?

No. No, let's put her somewhere else.

Good.

Good.

Like a doll.

A doll with a sinus problem.

We should put a pillow under her head.

I think that helps.

Good.

Much worse. Interesting.

Do you think we should change

her clothes?

Right. Don't know where that came from.

Morning!

Okay, not so loud.

We didn't...

Last... We didn't...

It was a magical night.

You made sounds I've never heard

a woman make before.

We didn't...

Not physically, but spiritually,

you were the best I've ever had.

Whatever I did or didn't do

or said or didn't say...

...it was all a little mistake.

Well, nothing happened.

That's a relief.

I'm very busy. I have work to do.

You stay there and relax.

Okay, I'll see you later.

Lucy!

Jesus, careful.

There's a June Carver to see you.

- June Carver, June Carver, June Carver.

- She went to Harvard.

Yeah, well, so did I. Now look at me.

Norman. Norman. Norman.

- Norman!

- Sorry.

She didn't have a strong background

in property law.

She's down from Boston.

She only wants five minutes.

Lucy.

Lucy.

This is June Carver.

- Hi. It's a pleasure to meet you.

- You too.

I don't have an appointment,

so feel free to throw me out.

Well, I have security on standby.

- Have a seat, please.

- Thanks.

Did you have Criminal

with Professor Rappaport?

- Oh, my God. I'm still shaking.

- Yeah.

But I have to tell you, Miss Kelson,

you are a legend there.

- Me?

- Editor of the Law Review.

The articles you wrote on

the Richmond case. You're an inspiration.

Well, yeah, I...

I don't have a strong background

in property, but neither did you...

...and look what you've accomplished.

Well, you know, not that much, really.

I just...

And there's this.

I've never met Mr. Wade...

...but in Public Policy magazine

he was interviewed...

...about the challenges

of urban development and he said that...

Is it ridiculous that I'm quoting this?

No, not yet.

"Architecture can shape a community

and turn strangers into neighbors.

The right design for a park

makes people feel secure.

A school building can be functional

and beautiful...

...so kids feel engaged instead

of imprisoned."

When I read that, it made me feel

I'd be working for a cause...

...not just a company.

Okay. You're hired.

You're Mr. Wade.

Someone has to be.

Although, I didn't write that.

- Lucy did.

- No, you did. I remember being shocked.

We've been working together so long

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