U.S.S.S.S... Page #2

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It's always the same old story.

Each time I get an idea,

you shoot it down.

What kind of a friendship is this?

If I weren't here to hold you back,

you'd either be dead or in prison.

I have to go.

Can I borrow your coat?

Where are you going?

I need to buy new shoes.

Do you want to come and pick

a pair for me?

I could as well screw it up.

I think you can handle it

by yourself.

Just remember that you

use number 45.

I use number 43, you a**hole.

Could you maybe lend me

some money?

Good afternoon.

- Good afternoon.

I need a gun.

How much for the black one?

This one costs 79.

Thousand?

79 thousand krnur.

How about this little one.

That's for big boys.

A rifle. 22 caliber.

Good for shooting the gulls.

Yeah. So how much for the little...

big boy gun?

30 thousand.

Yeah, I don't really have 30 thou.

I, uh...

I only have five thousand.

Do you have anything for five thousand?

Five thousand.

- Yes.

A five thousand krnur bill?

- Yes.

I have loads of stuff for

five thousand.

But no gun.

I was just wondering if you had

something in the back maybe...

something old and decrepit would work out.

I don't know. I just need a gun.

I do have an electric bass guitar.

No.

I can give you my bracelets or

something, I don't know...

Or the jacket as a downpayment.

- Hey.

Where's your pride, man?

I'll find a gun for you.

Jesus Christ.

This was my grandpa's rifle.

It's a bit dusty.

Is it functional?

Yes, it's a family heirloom.

I wouldn't sell it to just anyone.

Erm, I...

I don't think so.

Please close the door.

Please excuse this mess.

I don't usually greet people at my home.

Sli told me you were bound by

confidentiality, right?

Yes, that's right.

So I can tell you anything but

you can't tell anybody?

Yes.

Shall we begin?

Good afternoon.

- Afternoon.

Two .38 caliber Smith & Wesson

Special.

Not more, nor less.

Is it your birthday today?

How much?

Oh my God. So? Did you kick

his ass?

No.

- No! What then?

I let him finish.

Wasn't it here, 34?

Park here.

Ok, wait a minute.

I'm not satisfied with this story.

You were dead drunk at

a costume party.

Held by the narcs.

- The narcs?

Yes, the narcs threw the party.

Whatever.

So this dude walks in.

- Ptur sgrms.

Ptur sgrms. Who's that?

A blonde, quite big.

He worked for us last summer.

You know him well.

Ok, so you wake up. This guy is

down on you. And you let him finish.

What?

- Police. May we have a word with you?

What do you want?

Can you open the door?

No.

- We're looking for Rebbert r.

There's no Rebbert at this address.

That's strange.

This is his legal residence.

Will you let us in.

Do you have a warrant?

No.

But...

No buts, I'm busy. Go away.

So we're wanking, are we?

May I help you?

- Yes.

You can start by emptying the

cash register.

Then we're going into your

office

and you'll empty the safe for me.

How do you like that?

I've kicked you out of this store

once before today, and that was definite.

I'm giving you ten seconds

to get out of here.

Or I'll kick your dirty ass.

Ok.

You're still here.

Sit down.

Look straight ahead.

Put your hands behind your back.

That's quite the story.

This probably explains most

missing cases in recent years.

But if I may be completely honest

with you, Koll.

You have to understand, that even

though I'm a psychiatrist

and bound by confidentiality,

I'm also bound by certain

moral codes.

And I'm also obliged to report

all crimes of that kind

to the authorities.

Check this out.

What's this?

- That's about five million krnur.

Did you steal it?

No, I pooped it out.

See this one.

She'll be hot in three or four years.

Three or four years?

She's totally hot now.

Relax, man.

This is 100% bulletproof.

Yeah, sure. And what are

those two doing here?

Looking for some old

Pink Floyd records?

And so I tell him

"If there isn't enough ketchup

on the hot dog,

then there'll be a f***ing

mace party over here. "

Isn't that the bike?

Yes it is.

Good afternoon.

Afternoon.

Can I help you?

What is your name?

- rsll r. Nicknamed Sli.

Can I see your identification?

Yes, no problem.

Whose bike is it outside?

- I don't know

May we have a look in the back?

- I'd rather not. It's so messy.

What's in there?

You know what

I don't think so.

Are you sure?

- Yes.

Do you think it's bad?

No, absolutely not.

I just don't see the market in this.

The market? Are you crazy?

This is the only stretching video

for small persons in the world.

I've been going from door to door,

selling these babies.

They sell like hotcakes.

Then why don't you sell them

yourself?

I'm going to Sweden to record

a music video

with Sven Ingvars.

This is my last box.

You'll get one tape for 1500kr.

There are 30 tapes in here.

That'll be 45.000kr.

Oh, it squirts everywhere.

Oh, I can't stop squirting.

I'm just a little b*tch.

Tell me I'm a b*tch.

Ok, thousand krnur.

Sorry, I'll have to ask you

to leave right now!

700 knur. My dance video

included.

You goddamn f***ing maniac,

I'll sue you, you bloody alien.

What are you doing in there?

Open the f***ing door or I'll

break it down.

Rebbi!

- Yes.

Open the door.

- Yes.

Yes, yes, yes.

What's the deal with the

commotion?

What have you done?

I only did what had to be done.

Is there a full moon or what?

Has everyone gone crazy?

Have you killed them both?

Both?

One of them is half alive.

I made him watch while I

made a stew out of the other one.

Of course I didn't kill them, man.

What do you think I am,

a murderer?

What's up with the knife, then?

I'm boiling sausages.

You want some?

No, not really.

I just want those cops

out of the store.

And why are you boiling

sausages

when you've just taken two

cops into hostage?

Are you completely cuckoo?

I just haven't eaten anything

today.

I think more clearly when

I've eaten something.

Did you know they came

here because of the bike?

How so?

The bike you stole this morning.

You left it outside the store, Einstein.

No sh*t?

That means they don't know about the heist.

That's great.

Yes. Yes, that's super-duper.

You should just return the bike

and apologize to them.

I'm damn sure they will

forgive you

After you kicked their butts

and fully duct taped them.

These boys look so

gentle and sweet.

Chill out, man.

I'll start by removing

the cop car.

You wait here.

What now?

There's a n*gger in the trunk.

What?

There's a tied up n*gger

in the trunk of the cop car.

Are you f***ing with me?

Come outside and see.

There's a n*gger in the trunk.

I know, I just told you so.

What should we do?

That's none of my business.

This is your mess.

At least help me get

him inside.

No.

Where should we put him?

In the kitchen.

Remove the car.

Yeah.

Now.

- Yeah.

Hold on a second.

Let's see.

Thanks.

You're welcome.

It's been a while since I was

bondaged so well.

Oh... really...

Will you tell me why you were

in the trunk of that cop car?

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