Udaan Page #3

fun of you in front of the boy?

Listen to me..

What did I say..

- Let it go man.

Let it go man. We're friends.

Let it go. Let's drink.

You can't afford to buy booze.

You live off this guy.

How will you buy me booze?

How can I live off him?

He wears shorts.

Listen to that.

You just eat all day fatso.

You shut up. Let's drink.

Who's buying drinks?

He is.

Which school were you in?

- Bishop Cotton.

Bishaap.

Where is it?

- Shimla.

You must feel cold then?

Here?

From the hills aren't you?

You know what fatso's father does?

- What?

He sells panties & bras.

Sits on a stool all day..

With bras and panties.

My friends and I

always wanted to do that.

Lingerie shop!

Cheers to Lingerie Shops!

Cheers!

To fatso. Who never gets the joke.

Cheers!

Now that you've left school..

Your dad must be breathing fire..

He must be saying..

No more studies. Waste of time.

Join family business.

How do you know that?

All small town fathers are alike.

Family business..

Very good, very good..

Dream business..

Very bad, very bad..

What' your dream business?

I want to be a writer.

Writer!

Javed Akhtar.

Written something?

- Yes.

Let's hear it..

He'll eat every strand of your hair

If you let him,

he'll eat days of the year

He'll eat the food of

a starving man.

And the last wishes of

a dying man.

He'll eat Laloo's children

And the Naxal core.

He'll eat the fun of youth

And the warmth of old age..

He'll eat the walk of

a woman with no shame.

And if given a chance..

He'll eat all your

thoughts as well.

Even a tortoise is faster,

Fatso master..

He is a gas

- blaster, fatso master..

Fatso master is a total disaster..

Total Disaster is Fatso master.

Speaks from his ass, fatso master.

Drinks only Fosters, Fatso master.

Equals a hundred elephants,

Fatso master.

Stomach or Equator? Fatso master.

Larger than extra large,

Fatso master.

Original loo breaker,

Fatso master.

The Titanic's anchor,

Fatso master.

Disgraceful.

Let's go.

Careful with the steps. Don't fall.

Okay. Okay.

Leave me, I'm fine..

Wrong side..

No.. you sit here. He'll drive.

Who'll drive? Rohan will.

Yes, he'll drive, you go to sleep

Him?

You sleep, he'll drive.

He can drive?

- Of course he can.

No, I'll drive.

Please sit. Let Rohan drive.

You go to sleep.

He can drive?

- Of course he can.

Please go to sleep.

When did you learn to drive?

I drove Mr. Pasli's car during

the holidays.

What else don't I know about you?

Speak up!

Do you smoke?

No

Alcohol?

No

Must have a girlfriend?

Have not.

Have you had sex?

No

No sex!?

No! Go to sleep.

Lower your voice.

Idiot..

Hasn't even had sex yet.

I had so many plans for you..

To send you to England

to become a engineer..

But you've ruined everything.

Which college will take you?

Will any college take you?

Will they?

- No!

Can't even take a little pain eh?

Not even this much?

Idiot.

You're not a boy. You're a girl.

You look like a girl too.

Just like your mother.

She loved you very much.

More than me..

Understood?

Get lost.

I came to see you at school..

Met your principal too.

You were playing football..

You looked so happy,

I didn't want to disturb you..

And besides..

I had nothing nice to say.

Idiot girl!

Haven't even had sex..

Leave me alone!

I'm okay now.

Girl!

What?

He was the original drunkard.

Drunk all day long.

The first thing

he did every morning.

Eat booze. Drink booze. Piss booze.

Sold my mother's wedding necklace

for a drink.

He'd curse and beat

her when she protested.

My sister and I could only watch.

One day I came home and

he was beating her again.

My mother isn't

a bag of dirty laundry.

I got pissed off..

I became a hero and

caught him by the collar.

"Enough of your drama!" l shouted.

And threw him out of the house.

Told him never to look back.

Then I slammed the door shut

and turned towards my mother.

Thought she would embrace me.

But got a tight slap instead.

Then she led that moron back in..

And said, "Whatever happens,

he is my husband and you're his son."

I became an orphan that day.

Left home..

But didn't leave Jamshedpur.

My biggest mistake.

Fatso, before all this

heartache kills me, let's fight..

No man.

- Come on fatso.

Let it go.

- It's been ages.

No, Apu. Apu sit. Apu, don't go.

Apu wait.

- Apu.

Apu.. - I've been

playing this since childhood.

Who is this?

This isn't carrom son.

Go play Ludo.

What's he doing?

Don't ask.

This isn't carrom son.

Really? Is it that funny?

Shall I make you cry instead?

What did you say? Make me cry?

Yes. l'll make you cry.

Where do you stay?

Wait, wait.. What did you say?

I'll make you cry.

You'll make me cry?

- Yes.

Do you know who I am?

- Who are you?

Don't you recognize me?

- Who are you?

Are you new here?

- Are you?

Why are you wasting your

time with this mad man?

See how he's talking to me!

Who are you?

- I'm Aseem Khettry's son.

Sure you're not his driver's son?

- And now you're dead!

You!

- Hey, let go off him!

You Idiot!

- Stop.

Messing with Khettrys' son?

Go play carrom idiot.

Stop!

- Take this.

Fatso, he's calling the police.

Let's get out quick.

Lets go.

- Wait.

No, no, no..

Let's get out.

Come on Shiv..

Run Fatso

Open the door. Quick.

Open the door.

Quick. Open, open, open..

Get lost! Blow me

you f***ers! Get lost!

What did you tell him?

I said, " Look son..

Play pool with me

instead of with these fools.

I can pot the ball without

a stick."

You're lying.

No l swear.

Then he told me to get lost..

So l said, "This is why

you're here putting balls in..

And your wife does the

same at home with other men."

You never said that..

- He's lying..

I really did say it

Then he kept staring at me.

So l said, "What are you looking at?

Want to see your wife's tattoo?

It's across both cheeks of my ass."

You said that?

Balls you said that. F*** off.

I really did!

But it was fun..

Fatso doesn't believe me, eh?

Apu Don't. Stop it.

Hey it's raining.

- Rain!

Filled with the joy of life,

Bursting with delight

We never asked for this moment

we stole it

This is how we will live...

If we had run faster

we wouldn't have been expelled.

Rohan?

- No, it's the Moustache.

Look behind you.

I'm standing there with my moped.

Rohan, how are you?

Manu.. How are you?

I'm good.

Why are you awake this late?

Jamshedpur has a new disco?

No man. I sneaked out to

drink with some friends.

Grown up already?

Oh shut up. We got

into a fight as well.

Beat up two guys. Had a blast.

You're mad..

Totally mad

You okay?

- Totally fine.

How's your father?

Not father. Call him 'Sir'.

Makes me work at his

factory and study engineering..

Says I should study.

There's a recession on..

Do you know what recession means?

I don't know what it means.

Even if I fail all my

exams he can't do anything

He can't do..

I also have a younger half

- brother.

A six-year-old brother who

I didn't even know existed.

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