Uncle Buck

Get your bag off the table.

People eat there.

They eat on plates.

Don't give me crap, Maizy.

I'm telling. You said "crap."

- There's nothing wrong with "crap."

- Really? I thought that was a swear.

- You're thinking of "sh*t."

- Right.

Do you mind?

A sixth-grader chased me with his bike

and I was running.

When I got exhausted and fell down,

he waled me with his shoe.

- Thank your parents for that.

- How come?

It was their brilliant idea

to move here.

They weren't making enough cash

in Indianapolis.

Forget that we were

perfectly happy.

So thank them for getting treated

like sh*t every day.

- I'm telling on that one.

- Shut your face.

- Your book bag doesn't go on the floor.

- Always have a cow.

- Your nails are digging into my arm!

- Pick it up!

You're just supposed

to open the door for us.

You're not supposed

to kick us around.

I'm an American.

I have rights!

Maizy, did I kick you around?

No, but you said "sh*t" twice.

But only once for real.

I've got better things to do

than baby-sit you, you little stain.

Like what, hang out with friends

you don't have?

Why don't you just shut up?

Want to make me?

When our mother figure isn't here,

I'm in charge.

- I'm sick of you calling her that.

- Too bad.

You moron!

- Why do we need boys? They're so loud.

- Shut up!

- Shut up yourself!

- We need boys...

so they can grow up, get married

and turn into shadows.

Let the dog out.

Percy!

This is such a wonderful dinner, Mother.

How do you find the time?

Miles.

Maizy, put that down.

- Did you win at hockey yesterday?

- Hockey's been over for two weeks.

I guess you don't want a hockey stick

for your birthday.

You know what?

When Dad goes to New York,

I'm going to take a week off work.

So you can interview

new housekeepers?

- I've had enough of your ugliness.

- Really?

We're all a little tired of the act.

- This is really a good idea.

- Thank you.

- How's the pie?

- Not bad.

Will you be at work in the morning?

I can't avoid it.

You don't seem happy about it.

If you've got to know, I'm not excited

about working for my girlfriend.

There, I said it.

Buck, I love you.

I can't help myself. I want to get

married and have a family with you.

The clock is ticking away.

I would like to hear the pitter-patter

of tiny feet before I die.

I'll get you a mouse

and a piece of sheet metal.

- Lighten up, will you?

- Don't push my buttons.

I'm not pushing your buttons.

I know me.

I know what I like.

I like my friends, my freedom.

I like knowing I can go golfing

anytime I want.

I don't hurt anybody.

I don't see what the problem is.

That is the best formula for loneliness

I ever heard.

- Why are we arguing?

- We're talking.

I said I'd be at work in the morning.

I'll be there.

Okay.

I've got to get this out.

I know I'm harping,

but let me say it.

I'm working on history,

on the past.

You're gonna show up? Swear to God?

In the a.m.? Promise?

Chanice, I'll be honest with you.

If I could think of an excuse

that you would buy, I'd use it.

Hello.

- Oh, God!

- What?

Just a second.

It's your aunt.

What happened?

Your dad had a heart attack.

Who's gonna watch the kids?

Marcie.

She's right across the street.

She's the last person

I'd ask for a favor.

What about the Nevilles?

Would you call them?

I want to leave as soon as we can.

I am so helpless here.

Don't start getting down

on why we moved.

It has nothing to do

with what happened.

Sorry.

This is just a thought.

What about Buck?

I'm sure he'd be glad to help out.

This is not the time

to discuss your brother.

- I don't want him here.

- It's just a suggestion.

He doesn't have kids. He isn't married.

He doesn't even work!

He's a little out there,

but he's responsible and he's family.

Buck is not the kind of guy

I feel comfortable leaving my kids with.

The trashy people he hangs out with.

That woman who sells tires.

The horse racing, the gambling.

Can you see him in this house?

Okay.

Call the Nevilles.

Are we going to Indianapolis?

Daddy and I are.

And we're not?

No, that's not a good idea.

Thanks.

I loved my father very much.

So why did you move away from him?

If my family moved away from me,

I'd have a heart attack too.

I see.

- Who will take care of us?

- Mr. And Mrs. Neville.

- Is that a joke?

- You don't like the Nevilles?

- The dog's a ball sniffer.

- Don't talk like that.

Mr. Neville yelled at Michael because

their dog was sniffing Michael's balls.

- Don't use that word.

- I don't know another word.

We can talk to Mr. Neville

about the dog.

Sorry, honey.

They're in Florida.

You get in bed.

You have to get up for school.

- Who's in Florida?

- Get back in bed.

- What's the other word for balls?

- Get in bed.

Nuts.

What do we do?

I don't think we have much choice.

Can we trust him?

Yeah?

Buck, this is Bob.

Bob? Bob who?

It's your brother.

Bobby!

Hang on a minute.

Just used your Christmas present.

The Clapper.

You little pissant, how you doing?

Geez! Are you drunk?

You know something?

We gotta get together. I haven't been

over your house since you moved in.

I'm sorry about those bushes too.

I had no idea...

that they would catch on fire like that.

You were right. I should never

have put the barbecue that close.

Cindy's father

had a heart attack tonight.

We'd like toget to Indianapolis

as soon as possible.

But we have a problem

with the kids.

We're stuck for somebody to watch them.

If you're not doing anything...

Is this okay with Cindy?

It's got Cindy's approval?

Oh, yeah.

That'd be great. I'd be honored.

I've still got the one bedroom.

I'm going to get a bigger place.

But they can bring their sleeping bags.

We'll have fun.

We'll make tents.

Get some toys and peanut butter.

- We'll have a blast.

- I thought you could come here.

The kids have school.

What am I thinking? Sure.

Tonight or in the morning?

Tonight would be best

if you could do it.

Tonight will be fine.

Don't worry.

I'll pack a few things

and I'm on my way.

Thanks. See you soon.

He can do it.

He was asleep and I woke him up.

At this hour, that's a good sign.

We're all set.

Okay, this, this and this.

Bag, bag, bag.

This will do.

Hello.

Chanice, honey?

I have bad news.

Let me guess.

You are not coming in to work

in the morning.

Just let...

No, but... You don't...

Would you just...

Give me...

Let me get...

You're not... Give me a...

Good-bye.

Boy, I haven't seen those kids

in a while.

Tia's got to be nine.

Nine, maybe ten.

Oh, boy.

And the two new ones.

They're...

Larry and...

Larry and...

Betsy.

Betsy...

Jennifer.

Larry and Jennifer.

Nice kids.

Honey, he's 40 years old.

He knows his way around.

Why don't you finish packing?

I'll watch out for Buck.

What the hell?

Where is everybody?

Bob?

This isn't funny.

Come on. Wake up!

- I'm freezing my ass off out here.

- Oh, sh*t!

I'm getting mad, Bob.

Buck?

Over here!

Do you know how many big white houses

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