Uncle Buck Page #2

there are on this street?

What?

- Keep it down.

- What?

- What should I do with my car?

- For crying out loud!

Sorry, Mr. Hatfield.

It's 2:
00 a.m.!

How you doing?

Sorry I'm late.

- No. Thanks for coming.

- What happened to the mustache?

- Had to shave it off.

- How's Cindy?

- Not well.

- Her dad?

- Hard to say.

- Those medical terms. An infarction?

I stopped smoking cigarettes.

Isn't that something?

I'm on to cigars.

I'm on a five-year plan.

I eliminated cigarettes,

then I go to cigars, then to pipes...

then to chewing tobacco,

then the nicotine gum.

Good.

Money.

- I'll leave you blank checks.

- No, I've got lots of money.

No, please.

I've got the money.

I'd like to do this.

All right?

Come on, please.

I'll pay you back when we get home.

I won't have any problem cashing...

a second-party

out-of-state paycheck, will I?

I've been so busy,

I haven't been able to do my banking.

- I don't think there'll be a problem.

- Let me leave you the checks.

- Only if it's comfortable for you.

- That'll be easier.

I guess.

Do you have a plunger?

While I'm thinking of these things.

For the morning.

My plumbing is bad.

Of course, yours is good.

I would imagine.

Don't worry about it.

Everything will be fine.

I've been bound up lately.

It's driving me crazy. I've been eating

a lot o fcheese for some reason.

I got a craving for the stuff.

Do you think maybe that's an allergy?

Yeah.

I don't know, I can't get enough cheese.

I feel like a big mouse.

- I don't know.

- Oh, well.

Let's see.

Oh, Miles' birthday.

We'll be back by that time.

Okay, then.

This should do.

I probably won't use them.

Just in case.

- Right.

- Great. Okay.

I know I've forgotten something.

What else?

All right? That looks nice.

Give me your arm.

It should only be a few days.

I promise I'll call you tomorrow.

- You've got all the phone numbers?

- Yeah.

- We're off. Thanks, Buck.

- Take care of yourself.

- We appreciate this.

- Thanks. Thank you.

- Say hi to your dad. Drive safely.

- You can do it.

That's for sure.

Unbreakable.

Sh*t!

It's 7:
02 in the a.m.

You're listening to

W-l-Don't-Have-To-Go-To-Work-Today...

brought to you by

Kobolowski Tires.

For the best in tires,

see Chanice Kobolowski.

Tia!

You remember me?

Uncle Buck.

The Uncle Buck.

Coffee drinker, huh?

- Hungry?

- No.

Sure you are. Everybody loves breakfast.

You gotta have a good breakfast.

Start the day off right.

- So where are the other ones?

- Other ones what?

The other kids.

They have names.

Miles and Maizy.

Are Miles and Maizy up yet?

I woke them, thank you.

There you go.

Are you deaf?

I said I wasn't hungry.

That's one of my specialties.

I'd rather starve.

Does your mom know

you drink coffee?

I'm not doing it to impress you.

I appreciate that.

Is there a reason why

you're giving me a hard time?

Am I giving you a hard time?

Well, I don't know.

- How you doin'?

- Who are you?

I'm your Uncle Buck.

- Do I have an uncle?

- Unfortunately.

Holy smokes!

He's cooking our garbage.

Where's your sister...

Her name is Maizy,

for the second time.

Sorry.

You must be hungry.

Just for you.

Oh, my God!

He put onions in the eggs.

I'm gonna check on Maizy.

I'll fix you cereal when I get back.

- Can I ask you something?

- What?

Is she always this pleasant?

No, she's usually in a bad mood

in the morning.

Do you want knots in your hair?

Cut it out.

- I want Mom to do it.

- Mom's not here.

- She is too.

- No, she's not.

- She and Dad went to Indianapolis.

- They did not.

- Okay, they didn't.

- They did?

Yes. And I'm taking care of you.

But you can't drive.

- Where do you live?

- In the city.

- Do you own a house?

- Apartment. Rent.

- What do you do for a living?

- Lots of things.

- Where's your office?

- I don't have one. I don't need one.

- Where's your wife?

- Don't have one. It's a long story.

- Do you have kids?

- I don't. It's an even longer story.

- Are you my dad's brother?

- What's your record for questions asked?

- Thirty-eight.

- I'm your dad's brother.

You have more nose hair than my dad.

- Nice of you to notice.

- I'm a kid. That's my job.

That is my car.

Tying your shoe?

- What time should I pick you up?

- Don't bother. I'll get a ride.

No, I've got orders.

What time?

Are you really this stupid?

I said I would get a ride.

I always get a ride.

I'll call the school,

find out what time and meet you here.

Go ahead, call the school.

I won't be here.

Stand me up today,

and tomorrow...

I'll drive you to school in my pajamas

and walk you to your first class.

- 4:
00 okay?

- I'm stunned I'm related to you.

You get the pole out of your keister,

we'll get along fine.

Did you ever have anyone

embarrass you like this?

No.

- You think she hates me?

- With a passion.

- Is it the hat?

- No.

A lot of people hate this hat.

The sight of it angers people.

I'll tell you a story about that

on the way to school.

Right. Listen, Buck.

For eight years you have been

making plans and breaking plans.

What are you talking about?

Didn't we talk last night about this?

What did we talk about?

Me playing the father!

I'm glad you can do it for your brother.

You sure can't do it for me.

How could I do it for you?

We don't have kids.

What are you talking about?

Buck, I know you think the job

is pointless...

and in some way I'm trying

to manipulate you and control you...

and ruin your life.

I have to fill the position.

It's important to the company and me.

Unless you tell me different,

I'll offer the job to somebody else.

Give me a week to think about it.

I don't know how long I'll be here.

If , during that week...

you see somebody

who will fill the bill...

hire him on a part-time basis

or whatever.

That way I'll make up my mind and

we'll see where we are at that point.

Okay, I have to go now.

Bye-bye, hon.

Eight more. Come on.

Work it.

Get the circulation going.

Step it up.

Isn't peace wonderful?

Mikhail Gorbachev, the most improbable

evil emperor in captivity...

captivates Manhattan...

wows the U.N. By announcing a unilateral

cut in the Soviet military...

smiles and waves with erstwhile

cold warriors Ronald Reagan...

And the stock market has

its best week since July.

Take that, Karl Marx.

Would you like to talk about

a possible lunch trade?

Cover your ears.

Just do it.

Do you know how whipped

an engine has to be to blow that loud?

Call me.

You ever hear of a tune-up?

You ever hear of a ritual killing?

I don't get it.

Gnaw on her face in public

like that again and you'll be one.

- Are you crazy?

- I can be.

- You could've taken his head off.

- But would he notice?

Can we get something straight?

The guy's a predator

and you're his prey.

- Really?

- You bet.

- How do you know?

- When I was his age, I was the guy...

zooming the girls like you.

Pretty face, big chip on your shoulder.

I recommend you stay out

Rate this script:3.8 / 4 votes