Uncle Buck Page #6

You were right.

Everything you said

would happen happened.

I don't want to talk about it.

I just want to get you home.

Is this a trick?

No.

You know what happened?

Yeah.

Are you going to tell my parents

about everything that's been going on?

No.

Thanks.

I've been riding your butt all week

about how you live your life.

I realized maybe somebody

should have been riding mine.

I'm probably the last guy in the world

you'd want to help...

but I really could use your advice

vis-a-vis Chanice.

I've been...

stringing her along

for about eight years now.

Maybe you could figure out

what the hell is wrong with me.

I did such a great job earning

your trust and admiration...

I'm confused why

I can't do the same with Chanice.

You know, there's...

one family charity case...

that loves you very much.

I'm sorry.

Come on.

Nothing to be sorry about.

I'm just kind of glad

I got a chance to know you again.

Did you do anything to Bug?

Oh, my God!

What did you do?

You shithead!

I could have suffocated!

Do you know what I'd like you to do?

You could be doing both of us a favor.

I'd like you to apologize to the lady.

I'm sorry!

Okay, a**hole?

I'm sorry!

I don't know if I've told you this,

but I'm an amateur dentist.

Oh, yes, he is.

I'm sorry.

Get him out.

Yeah? It was halfhearted.

We'll let him.

- I'm really sorry.

- I'm sure you are.

- I am.

- Let me get you. There you go.

I didn't mean to hurt anybody.

There you go.

I'm sorry.

- Shall we?

- Yeah.

Yeah? Come on back

and I'll kick your ass, man!

Chicken sh*t! You're dead!

Sh*t.

I'm going to sue your balls off, man!

Why don't you come and get me, man?

Come on!

Come on, man. I'm going to sue you

and your whole family!

Okay, pal,

time for a golf lesson.

My dad's a lawyer!

You're history!

A little five wood.

What? What?

What are you doing, man?

You're history. You're wasted. I'm going

to sue you for everything you've got!

You're going to be broke

so come and get me!

You fat sucker!

Yes, sir!

You son of a b*tch!

That hurt!

Hey! I'm not sorry, all right?

I ain't sorry for sh*t!

What do you see in that guy anyway?

I can't for the life of me

figure that one out.

Don't answer. You don't have to.

I appreciate the confession.

Thanks a lot.

But my problems with Buck

go deeper...

than a misunderstanding

with a neighbor lady.

Don't you think he loves you?

If he does, he'd never say it.

What if he did?

Then I would suspect

he needed a new set of tires.

Seriously.

Seriously, you're very sweet

to talk about this.

But you don't understand

the bigger picture.

Buck's a charming man

who wants to remain a boy forever.

At my age, that doesn't make

for a lasting relationship.

I think he'd make

a wonderful husband and father.

- You do?

- Oh, yeah.

My sister and brother adore him.

He really has changed

since he's been here this week.

He really has changed.

He's responsible, caring...

loving...

and enthusiastic.

- Energetic.

- And energetic and decent.

Kind and...

And humble...

and honest and forthright.

Sense of humor.

And he's really got

a great sense of humor.

Did he put you up to this?

No!

No. I've just gathered this

from my own observations.

- It's just the way he is.

- Really?

- Really?

- Oh, yeah!

So unlike him.

Check this out.

Hi, honey.

Is the coffee ready?

A little thirsty.

By the way, I have told you

I loved you...

and it wasn't for tires, sweetheart.

It was for shocks, remember?

Are they sweethearts or what?

This one's smart as a whip.

I'm going to miss them like crazy.

They're beautiful children.

What happened to you?

Recessive gene,

skips every nine generations.

I got it this time.

Tragic.

It isn't so bad, is it?

What?

The house, the family, the kids.

Oh, yeah. It was great.

This is great.

We should have done this

a long time ago, you and I.

They're here.

What are we doing?

Your mother...

and your sister have to...

sort some things out.

So we're going to be very quiet

for them.

So why don't we put a button on it...

and a zipper like that...

and a lock.

I can't talk at all.

I throw the key away.

It's going to be real different.

I promise.

I love you.

Sh*t!

- Bye.

- Bye, Uncle Buck.

Could I get out the door, please?

- I'm going!

- This is heavy.

Bye, Chanice.

Thanks again, Buck.

Next time you're downtown,

maybe we can go out for a coffee.

We really had a good time.

I know it's ridiculous.

We did leave the house a little messy.

We tried. We're not so good at clean.

- What?

- We're going home. We're not dying.

I'm saying good-bye.

Is that all right? Nice guy!

Tell the neighbors we're sorry about

having that parked in the driveway.

- He's getting a new company car Monday.

- The hell I am!

- It's good for another 100,000 miles.

- Too bad you're not.

That's funny, Chanice. See what

I put up with? And don't drive fast.

I'm not fixing

any more tickets for you.

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