Under The Yum Yum Tree

David, that tickles, darling.

- You know what drives me crazy?

- What?

Time we're wasting.

Robin, marry me. Will you?

David, we've been all through that.

I won't be lobbied into marriage

- by over-stimulated glands.

- Rob, this is different.

But, David, I want to marry you out of love,

deep, real and absolute.

I don't want to be carried away by my own

fermenting juices, like some girls I know.

When the temperatures cooled down,

what were they left with?

Corroded hopes, unfulfilled dreams,

and a house full of children.

- Well, no, thanks. Not for me.

- Rob.

That's why the plan we've worked out

is so perfect, David.

To live together without sleeping together.

Why, it's an absolutely brilliant way

to find out if we're compatible.

It's crazy. Honey, you're asking

for a silk-smooth marital future

without any problems whatsoever,

and there ain't no such animal.

- Well, for Pete's sake, we can try.

- You're wacky, you know that?

- You're...

- David, it makes very good sense.

We find out if we have real

character compatibility

to see if we fulfill each other's

non-physical needs.

- Now, David, you agreed.

- I don't agree.

Now, honey, I'm going along with this thing

because I happen to be in love with you,

but that doesn't alter the fact

that you are a genuine, gold-plated kook.

Who ever heard of normal,

supposedly sane people

- living together in such a nutty setup?

- David, I want...

All right, all right.

I said I'd go along with it.

Then it's all settled? Oh, David!

- All I have to do now is find an apartment.

- You know, you're really oblivious.

Nobody goes out around here

and finds an apartment.

I have married friends

who've been searching for months.

Don't worry about it.

I will find an apartment.

- You will find an apartment.

- Bye-bye. I have to run.

We're all dying to know how it works out.

Keep us informed, won't you?

Do you know that

I'm gonna have to figure out a way

to keep my parents from finding out?

They'd go screaming berserk

if they knew I was living with a man.

Your toothbrush hanging right by Dave's,

side by side.

It sounds so deliciously illicit.

I get goose bumps.

May I say, I don't think the divorce rate

is the entire picture

- of disharmony and discord.

- How do you mean?

Well, think of all the thousands of

marriages where there is not divorce.

People just go on living together

in mutual dislike.

I agree with Ardice.

And one reason this happens

is because kids get married

before they're emotionally mature.

They think it's love, but it's really

just intense physical attraction.

Exactly.

Kids go start necking,

they lose all power of rational thinking.

There has to be a courtship.

A boy and girl have got

to get to know each other.

In the front seat of a parked car?

God, when you're so busy necking,

who's got time for a character analysis?

- Try taking notes.

- I did.

All right.

Tomorrow, the first four chapters of

Neurotic Interaction in Marriage,

edited by Dr. Victor Eisenstein.

That's all for today.

Bye-bye, Irene.

Robin, there was a call for you yesterday

from San Francisco.

- Did you get it?

- Yes. It was only Mother.

She wants to know if you're coming up

for Easter vacation?

I meant to write. I'll take care of it.

Irene, can I ask you

an impertinent question?

- Why, as your teacher or your aunt?

- More as just a woman.

Before you married Uncle Frank, did you...

- Did I what?

- You know.

Well, I was hoping I was mistaken.

I'm not passing moral judgment.

I'm just doing personal research.

- You know, Dave and I haven't.

- It's not necessary to announce that fact.

Robin, sometimes you can be unnerving.

I just don't want to make the same mistake

you and Uncle Frank made.

I want my marriage to work.

No divorces for me.

Could we discuss it another time?

I really have to rush, darling.

Translate the passages of Homer

on page 10 tomorrow, all right?

Charles.

Hi. Listen, I've got two whole free periods

to help you move, Irene.

- Sure it's not inconveniencing you?

- I'm sure. Hello, Robin.

Hi. Move? Who's moving?

Dr. Howard has kindly consented

to help me move.

- From that divine apartment? Why?

- Irene, come on. We're going to be late.

I'll tell you all about

it tomorrow. Bye-bye.

Irene, has anyone got your apartment yet?

Irene!

Today's the day, huh, Miss Wilson?

You need any help?

No, my friend will help me.

- I never realized how much I collected.

- I know, filled up with junk.

Look at this place. Terrible, terrible.

Hey, I had no idea. This is charming.

- A lot of people find it quite pleasant.

- Well, why do you want to get out of it?

I don't know. Moving time, I guess.

Those two are ready.

You can take those down if you want.

All right. Well, I suppose

it's pretty expensive, too, right?

- No, just $75 a month.

- $75 a month?

Well, that is unbelievable.

This has to be the greatest buy in town.

Yes, I guess it is pretty good.

Would you just

take the bags down, Charles?

And you want to move out. I don't get it.

I don't understand. $75 a month.

- Sorry to be late, darling.

- Where were you?

Now, don't you get me started,

Francis Murphy.

Fine time to bring a working man his lunch.

Do you realize what time it is?

I spent the whole morning

picking up after you.

- Big deal.

- Seems to me

you could hang the pajamas up

instead of flinging them all in the icebox.

- And that bathroom!

- Liverwurst and pickle sandwiches.

There's a nice combination

for a man with a peptic ulcer.

Shaving cream and old razor blades

every which way, and old...

Excuse me, please.

- Who's that?

- A friend of Miss Wilson's.

- Helping her move.

- That poor, dear sweet thing.

I want to go and say goodbye to her.

Hogan sure gets a nice turnover here.

Move one out, move another in.

Beats the heck out of marriage.

- Find a nice place to live?

- Yes, the faculty dorm. Very nice.

Well, bye. Sure going to miss you.

Hey, Dorkus. A beautiful morning, huh?

It's 2:
30 in the afternoon,

for your information.

So it is. Well, it's all a question

of metabolism, you see.

Some of us are day people,

and some of us are night people.

The mind shudders at what you do

with your nights in this place.

Literally shudders.

Is that your breakfast?

I feel sorry for people

who don't drink, Dork,

because when they get up in the morning,

that's as good as they're gonna feel all day.

Hey, say, did Irene happen to say

what time she was... All right.

What time she was moving her things out?

- I want to see her before she goes.

- Well, you'd better hurry.

- She's over there loading up right now.

- Already?

Anybody home?

Well, hi, there.

I was wondering

if you were going to say goodbye.

Say, now, you didn't think

I was going to let you walk out of here

without even a fare-thee-well, did you?

Is that what you think of me?

- Of course not.

- I was just waiting for the right moment.

You know,

it's kind of awkward saying goodbye.

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