Under The Yum Yum Tree Page #2

- Yes, I know.

- Here's the last of the jonquils.

- The window box is empty.

- Last of the jonquils.

Well, it's somehow fitting.

Don't pull that unhappy

bloodhound look on me, Hogan.

I'm really touched.

Hey, you're not really seriously taking

this thing with you, are you?

I love this thing. He's dear and sweet.

Look at that face.

I'm gonna take him with me everywhere

to remind me of a beautiful relationship.

You're taking this kind of lightly,

aren't you?

Hogan, it's over.

So why don't you be a big boy

and just stop talking it to death?

Yeah, well, aren't you the least bit upset?

There's no remorse?

- No.

- No little festering acrimony?

- Just a teeny weenie bit?

- None.

You'd walk out of here

as if nothing ever happened?

Self-protection, darling.

Every woman has a little bit of it

hidden away in her hip pocket.

Now, wait a minute.

You mean you're not mad?

- For heaven's sake, I told you, I am not mad!

- Don't get sore.

I just didn't realize

how little I meant to you, that's all.

You meant a great deal to me.

I was pretty much of a wreck

when I moved in here.

My marriage was on the rocks

and the natural depression.

You filled my lonely hours

and made me feel like a woman.

You put zest in my life and started

all the good juices flowing in me again.

Well, there must be

a better way of putting that.

You make me sound like

a Carter's Little Liver Pill.

- Sorry.

- Lf I meant so much to you,

how come you're walking out?

Because I don't envision my future

with the man in my life

shuttling back and forth

between apartments.

- You're mad?

- I am not mad!

Come on, out!

Every poison pocket of rancor out!

- Catharsis!

- I don't need catharsis.

Hogan, it is over.

Absolutely and completely over.

So why don't you just shut up

and stop beating it into the ground?

- You're mad.

- Hi.

This is Dr. Howard,

head of the language department at school.

- Mr. Hogan, my landlord.

- Hi.

- And you're from...

- Just across the hall.

Yeah. Well, it's a very nice place

she's giving up.

Well, thank you.

I was just trying to convince her

- that she shouldn't give it up.

- Probably, it's time she had a change.

Charles, I think these things

are all ready to go.

All right. Listen, Irene, this trip

is going to fill up the car, I think.

- You don't mind making another?

- No, not at all. We got plenty of time.

- Have you got room for one more?

- Right here.

Don't bother to help, Hogan. It's all right.

- Let me get the door for you.

- Thank you very much, Mr. Hogan.

Well, goodbye.

- Just like that?

- Just like that.

Key to the apartment.

I guess that's everything.

Well...

Well, I had that made especially for you.

It's just a little favor to ask,

but would you keep it, please?

Perhaps, now and then,

when you look at it, you'll think of me.

Mr. Hogan, sir.

This bearing's gone haywire

in refrigeration unit number three,

and Miss Struman's complaining

her disposal ain't working again.

- I thought you'd like to know.

- Well, that's one of those details, Murph.

You're gonna have to take these things

off my hands.

I got other problems on my mind, you know.

It's very taxing.

- Very taxing.

- Hi, Hogey Pogey.

- Hi, lover. How are you?

- Fine. How are you?

- Good. Where was I, Murph?

- "Other problems. "

- Would you take care of them for me?

- Yes, sir.

You just save your energies.

I got the flowers. They're just beautiful.

- Thank you.

- You're just so welcome.

- But it's embarrassing, Hogey.

- Why?

I mean, you keep sending me those flowers,

and I haven't paid the rent for just months.

Well, I'll be around

one of these days to collect it.

You can go easy on that oil,

or you'll slip off the porch.

Cover up, it's peeping Tom,

the friendly landlord.

Thank you, Hogey.

You're adorable. You really are.

I always say,

"Happy tenants make a happy landlord. "

- Bye.

- Bye-bye.

- Hi, Hogan.

- Hi, Clyde. Wow!

Hey, buddy!

Apartment for rent?

Where do you find the landlord?

Well, you're looking at him, son,

but I never rent to men.

That's a rule of the house.

Besides, I was young once myself.

I know how wild you kids can get.

Now, wait a minute, sir. I'm not like that.

I'm on the track team.

I said, I'm on the track team.

The worst kind.

Pole-vaulting, high hurdling around here.

This is a very respectable unit, my boy.

It's all elderly,

family-type folk around here.

Yeah, chess and checkers group,

maybe a bingo once a month.

- Besides, you couldn't afford the rent.

- Try me.

- $450 a month.

- I can't afford it.

I didn't think you could.

Up in Miss Wilson's.

- Can I help you with anything?

- No. Are you the new tenant?

- No, I'm the landlord.

- The landlord.

- Yeah. I live right across...

- Well, you have an adorable apartment here.

- Well, thank you.

- I raced right over

as soon as I heard it was vacated.

It just slays me every time I see it.

- You've been here before?

- Yes, my aunt had it. Irene Wilson.

Well, you're the niece

she was always talking about?

I can't understand

why she'd want to give it up.

It's absolutely dream...

Don't let that bother you. It sounds like

somebody's strangling, doesn't it?

- It's just the pipes clearing their throats.

- Yes.

It doesn't bother me at all.

I think it's just sensational.

Does it have linen and pots and pans

and all?

- Oh, yeah, sure, everything.

- It's swell.

- And everything's just in the right place.

- That's exactly so true, isn't it?

You know, I'm a very bad businesswoman,

raving about it like this.

- Why?

- The price is probably sky-high.

- $75 a month.

- You're kidding?

- Too much?

- No, no, no. It's wonderful.

I mean, well, $75 is a lot of money for me,

- but I certainly think it's worth it.

- Yeah.

And may I have it, please?

Well, don't you think, first, we should know

each other's name? I'm Hogan.

Well, how do you do, Mr. Hogan?

I'm Robin Austin.

Robin Austin.

But not "Mr. Hogan," just Hogan.

None of my tenants ever call me "mister. "

I live right across the hall.

- Do you? That's very nice.

- Yeah.

Do you want to see references

or something like that?

- You've already shown me your references.

- What?

No, that won't be necessary.

We'll get to those nasty little details,

like a lease and all, some later day?

- You mean, that's it?

- That's it.

There you are. There's the key,

and welcome to the Centaur.

What an adorable key.

And heart-shaped, too.

Oh, my...

I forgot to tell you something.

I'll be having a roommate.

- Now, wait a minute...

- Mr. Hogan,

please don't spoil everything.

We'll be very quiet.

My word of honor. Please.

Yes, I know, you see, but I can't.

I mean, I've never had

two people in one unit.

- What does your roommate look like?

- Well, taller than I am,

very attractive, and dark hair.

Well, it might not be too bad

with a blonde and a brunette...

I mean, two of you is just twice

as much as one of you, isn't it?

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