Under The Yum Yum Tree Page #3

- Then it's okay?

- I can't wait.

Well, thank you very much, Mr. Hogan.

And I'm sure we're going to be

the best of friends.

Aren't we ever.

I live right across the hall.

- Yes, you said that before.

- Yeah. Listen, where are you going?

Well, I'm going to dash home

and pack my things.

I want to move in right away.

Thanks again, Mr. Hogan, for every...

Not "mister," just "Hogan. "

And don't you forget, if I can help

you and your roommate in any way,

- why, you just knock on that door.

- Bye-bye.

Bye-bye. Sweet thing.

Mind your own business.

Bye-bye.

Bye-bye.

It's so exciting.

- Hi.

- Hello.

Hi, David.

- Something wrong?

- Nothing.

Boy, these really smell good.

The jonquils are in bloom again.

Mother Nature

constantly replenishing herself.

Say, speaking of replenishing,

wifey tells me we've got a new tenant.

- Yeah, how about that?

- Female.

- That's right.

- Two females.

That's right.

I like his style.

I hate to see you go, Miss Wilson.

Can I help you with anything?

- No, no, thank you, Murphy. Bye-bye.

- Bye.

Robin!

Hi, Irene. How are you? I didn't see you.

Well, for heaven's sakes,

what are you doing here?

I was going to call you and tell you

the big news. I got your apartment.

- What do you mean, "got" it?

- I took it. It's mine.

- You're moving out of the sorority house?

- Yes, isn't it wonderful?

- Did you tell your mother?

- Irene, don't be a spoilsport.

You know Mother would never agree

to let me have my own apartment.

She can't get used to the idea

I've grown up.

Look, Irene, I'm dying to move in.

So why don't you come over tomorrow

for coffee and we'll talk, okay?

And remember, not a word to Mother.

And I'll see you tomorrow before class.

Bye-bye.

- What's wrong?

- Nothing.

I hope.

What do you think?

- 75 bucks a month!

- Isn't it adorable?

Well, yeah, but it's worth more than that.

- You sure your landlord didn't say $175?

- No, he said $75.

It's crazy.

Who cares? It's mine and it's beautiful.

Aren't you going to bring up

the folding bed?

The bed. Rob, I tell you,

I think I'll wait until after dark.

You know, appearances and everything.

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

Your landlord must have rocks in his head.

Well, there it is. The oven's set at 300,

and your roast will be done by 8:00 sharp.

Lovely, lovely.

I don't approve of this kind of goings-on,

but I'm being paid to do a job,

- so I'll keep my mouth shut.

- Good.

Except I know what you've got in your mind.

You're not fooling me for one minute

with this cozy little dinner for three.

Gee whiz, there you go again.

Inviting those girls next door

for an evening of heavens-knows-what.

I'm just trying to be friendly.

It's my way of saying "Welcome. "

Sure. Some welcome.

Dorkus, what are you doing?

Dorkus, will you cut it out, please?

Now, come on.

Dorkus, will you cut that...

Now, come on, stop that.

Stop playing with my controls.

- Now, I'm warning you...

- This place ought to be raided.

- I'm ready, honey. Evening, Hogan.

- Wait till I get my hat and coat!

That wife of yours, boy!

Wow! You sure got yourself

a nice little workshop here, Hogan.

Makes me wish

I was a couple of years younger.

Yeah, well, good judgment.

Have yourself a drink

while you're waiting for your wife.

Thanks, buddy.

Boy, could I operate with a setup like this.

You marvelous creature, you.

Lay back and tell me all about yourself.

No, no, from the very beginning,

when you were a darling little girl.

- And take it real slow.

- Murph!

- What are you doing?

- Nothing, honey.

- Come on, we're going home.

- Yeah, I'm coming.

- Hello.

- Hello.

I'm the housekeeper for Hogan.

I thought I'd just peek in and say welcome.

- The name is Dorkus.

- How do you do?

- I'm Robin Austin.

- How do you do?

If you ever need anything, just call on me.

Well, that's very nice of you. Thank you.

- Is your roommate around?

- No, just downstairs

getting some things out of the car.

Well, I probably ought to keep

my mouth shut,

but you appear to be

such a sweet young thing.

- It's about your landlord.

- Hogan?

- What about him?

- Well, he's single.

And he's very active in certain fields.

They say this is the age of specialization,

and he's come up with a pretty good one.

I'm afraid I don't follow.

Well, I guess what I'm trying to tell you

is there have been lots of young ladies

in this apartment before you,

and he's been very successful with them.

- Him?

- Him!

Well, there's no accounting

for some people's taste, is there?

Well, the point is, he's under the distinct

impression that you're the next in line.

- Did he say that?

- He didn't come right out and say it,

but I know he's thinking it.

He is really a sneaking, crawling,

dirty man, that's what he is.

Well, thanks for tipping me off, Dorkus,

but don't worry.

- I can take care of myself.

- Don't forget I warned you.

Warn your roommate.

Dorkus... Or is it Mrs. Dorkus, or...

- Murphy.

- Murphy.

Mrs. Murphy, this is Dave Manning.

Dave Manning, Mrs. Murphy.

- She works for Mr. Hogan.

- Hi.

How do you...

No, no, no, that's not for me. You see...

Honey, she's bound to find out

sooner or later.

Yeah. Well, then,

it's not what it appears to be.

- I'd like to explain our arrangement, Mrs...

- Hush. Please.

Don't say another word.

There's no need to explain.

It's beautiful, just beautiful.

My blessings on you both.

- It's not like that...

- What divine justice this is for somebody!

- Bless you, bless you both. Bye.

- Bye.

Are you in for a surprise tonight.

What's so amusing?

- I'll tell you when we get home.

- I can't wait for some of that home cooking.

You inventive little devil, you.

Bye, honey. I'll be back in a second.

Once more into the breach, my boy

Hey, there!

Don't be startled. It's just me, Hogan.

Got a little gift.

I hope you like them. I grow them myself.

It's just a way of saying, "Welcome,"

and I do hope that we'll be

the very best of friends.

- Well, hi, there.

- Who the hell are you?

- Hogan. I live across the hall.

- Yeah. Keep talking.

Well, give me just a couple of seconds

to collect my wits, will you?

- Believe me, it isn't easy.

- What isn't easy?

You know, it's a bit of a shock to see you

come through the door there

with a towel wrapped around you

like that and all...

- Well, now, wait a minute, buddy...

- I expected to see someone

a little daintier than you,

without hair all over their chest.

Well, now, look here... Who's shocked?

You know, I'm in there shaving,

minding my own business,

and suddenly a man brings me flowers.

Yeah, well, I can see the confusion

works both ways, doesn't it?

Well, it certainly does.

- How did you get in here?

- Your door was open.

No, no, no, the door was not open.

The door was closed.

- How'd you get in? What do you want?

- Hogan. I live just across the way,

- and I dropped in to say welcome, and...

- Well, just drop back across the way, okay?

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