Underclassman Page #5

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Mm,,,

- I'm gonna holler at you, Al, | - Tre, yo, You know I love you, baby,

I love you, big dog, | Back away from the juice,

Don't chat up me, man, | Like, I wanna have your babies,

Come on, Tre, | What'd that basket do to you?

What you doin' out here so early?

I'm here this early every morning,

Damn, Al, you got skills, man,

I'm all day from back here, | Hey, don't tell anybody, though,

I wouldn't wanna tarnish | my towel-boy reputation,

Tell you something, though,

It would be pretty nice to play in a game,

Just for a minute, | That's all it would take,

It doesn't matter now, When my mom | finds out her car got stolen at the party,

she's gonna take her Jimmy Choo | and shove it into my temple till I'm dead,

Your mom's car got jacked at the party?

- Yo, Brooks, I need you, | - Gonna ask her to prom, baby face?

If I wasn't on such | a top-priority case right now,

I'd say, "You so fat | you gotta drink diet water."'

Run a search on all the stolen vehicles in | Westbury Heights in the last few months,

"Westbury Heights,

"yellow H2."'

- Here it is, | - Thanks,

See, a bunch of cars were reported stolen | in Westbury since September,

All were registered to parents of Westbury | students and stolen on weekend nights,

What hapens on weekend nights?

Bubble bath and a half-pint | of Chunky Monkey?

That's really freaky, Brooks, but no, | Parties,

Well, what does this have | to do with the case?

A yellow H2 was heisted | the night Warren Williams was found dead,

I have a hunch whoever jacked that ride | has something to do with Warren's death,

And Saturday night | I was at a party at my boy Al's crib,

This morning I found out that the Jag | his mom owns got jacked out the garage,

So you were at a party | where a car was stolen?

Whoever did it is gonna try to do it again | and I'm gonna catch 'em in the act,

How do you plan on doing that?

Throw a Saturday night soiree, | That's Caucasian for "party."'

You know what? Cap lives in Westbury | with his rich, fine wife,

And he'sgoing outtatownthisweekend.

I'll invite some kids with their pricey rides, | The perp's bound to make his move,

There is no way | the captain'll let you do that,

I can't live in a shoebox, | It would blow my cover,

(tire hisses)

- Hey, what's up? | - Today is just not my day,

I got a flat tire, | I ain't got no spare, my corns hurt,,,

Come on, I'll give you a ride,

Hm, Vintage '65 Stingray,

Whose ride is this?

(Tre) Hey! 'Sup, Uncle Paco?

The lmpala got a flat, so, uh, | my man Rob here gave me a ride here,

To my crib, where I live,

Oh,

Uh, yeah, and you have | a beautiful home, sir,

- Oh, thank you very much, | - You should see the inside,

You know what? | You will on Saturday at the party,

- What party? | - Yeah, what party?

What party? Look at you acting all coy | and stuff, Man, you know what party,

See, he's goin' outta town this weekend | to visit his daughter - my cousin -

and, you know, he said I could throw a little | Saturday-night soiree for all my friends,

Isn't he the greatest uncle?

- See you on Saturday, | - (Tre) Saturday,

- (Rob) See you then, | - (Tre) All right,

- Smile and wave, | - Bye-bye,

(/ "Down in the Dirty" by Pretty Tony)

What's up, my home pickle? | Alexander T Jeffries in the heezy,

I'm trying a little too hard, aren't l?

Just a little bit, Come on into the party | and get your thing right,

OK, how can a homie | score a hottie like that?

Oh, that's what you like? | Man, come on,

School's in session, | Watch and learn,

Ladies, how you doin'? I'm Tre and this is | my pimp friend here Alexander the Great,

- Oh, my God! | - Rob Donovan is here,

They probably had herpes anyways,

(burps) Oh,

Ten years in the force and the captain's | reduced us to baby-sitters,

We've been here for three hours, nothing's | hapened, and nothing is gonna hapen,

Oh, someone needs a hug,

No, What I need is a bathroom,

- (farts) Touching cotton over here, | - Oh, God,

(sighs) Go use the bushes,

I'm not squatting in the bushes, | I gotta drop a deuce,

Look, Cap said we have to stay | until all the kids go home,

(/ "2 Much Booty" by Soundmaster T)

Hey, We didn't realize | this was your place,

It wouldn't be a house party | unless we got our freak on for the host,

Word?

Wait, Y'all are 1 8, right?

Put us together and we're 34,

Psst,

Psst,

Brooks, give me your magazine,

- What, are you having trouble? | - I need to wipe,

We're like a reverse Oreo,

Damn,

- Yo, You seen Rob? | - Yeah, He just left, like, two minutes ago,

Ladies, my brother from another mother, | Put it on him,

Yo! Yo, Tre, this place is crazy, huh?

Whoa! I know we haven't | gotten off on the right,,,

- I'm trying to say thank you for this party, | - Write me a thank-you note,

Come on, come on, come on, | come on, come on, come on,

(engine revs)

Oh, crap,

Come on, man, | Don't make me do this,

You lost 'em,

And you lost 'em,

All right,whowantstoexplainfirst?

My car was blocked in | so I took pursuit on foot,

Have you ever tried to catch a Corvette | in some Timberlands? I mean,,,

Maybe they should explain,

Uh, we were conducting surveillance | and at the time the perp made his move,

Gallecki was in the bushes | temporarily indisposed,

You were taking a dump on my lawn?

No,

- It was your neighbor's lawn, | - On my neighbor's lawn,

Get outta here, Gotta talk to Stokes, | Go on, both of you,

Look, Cap, I know you're upset about your | car, but I promise I'm gonna get it back,

- Did you have him? | - Who?

You know damn well who | I'm talking about, Did you have him?

I shot, but I missed,

You don't miss,

You're reckless, You're dangerous,

And I don't trust you anymore,

You're off the force, Pending investigation, | but you're off the force,

- What's that suposed to mean? | - It means find a new job,

- But all I was trying to do was make sure,,, | - Hey, It's over,

You got two days to pack up your stuff,

Let me finish school, then,

I'm close to getting my diploma, | Let me finish what I started,

All right.Yeah.

But as a student, not an officer,

(/ "Push & Pull" by Nikki Costa)

/ Mr. Nothing's got a lot

/ He's got a lot to say

/ He's good at being what he's not

/ He gives nothing away

/ Mm

/ Another day goes on by

/ And he never speaks his heart

/ Oh, no, no, no

"Add four parts vanilla."'

Hey, that's not vanilla,

Well, you know, | chocolate has more flavor,

What are you doing here so late?

If I don't learn how to bake a cake, | my GPA will go down,

Mm, Looks good,

Yeah, it looks a lot better | than the first five I made,

Well, I'm impressed, Tracy Stokes,

And I'm not just talking | about the,,, about the cake,

Thanks,

So why don't you stop frontin'?

You know you want it,

Tracy, you can't be | saying things like that,

See? There you go,

Get your mind out the gutter,

I'm talkin' about the chocolate,

- You are freak, Ooh,,, | - Oh, stop,

(Tre) Me gusta, mami.

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