Undercover Blues Page #3

Synopsis: A wise-cracking husband and wife team of ex-Spies arrive in New Orleans on maternity leave with their baby girl. There they are hassled by muggers, the police and their FBI boss, who wants them to do just-one-more job.
Genre: Comedy, Crime
Director(s): Herbert Ross
Production: MGM Home Entertainment
 
IMDB:
6.0
Rotten Tomatoes:
33%
PG-13
Year:
1993
90 min
430 Views


We got your husband

behind bars...

and he'll stay there

until somebody tells me...

exactly what

he's doing in my city!

You are overreacting.

Isn't he, honey?

Men are like that.

They get threatened,

then they get defensive...

and then

they get aggressive--

Ma'am, if you don't watch it...

you'll find yourself in a cell,

baby or no baby.

Excuse me, sir.

Phone call for you.

-I'm busy.

-OK.

I'm going to ask you

one more time very nicely--

It's about Blue, sir.

Who is it, the president?

No.

It's the governor.

About that stunt you pulled

with the car just now...

is that part

of Chapter Two...

in which Jeff and Jane

lead a sane life?

I don't think

it's fair or nice of you...

to complain about me

having a little fun.

There was a zero risk factor.

Three guys

running out of a bank...

packing heat,

probably stoned.

People in a hurry

never look at the driver.

I've never

heard that rule before.

I made it up,

but it's still true.

And it's all part of

my brilliant plan.

Which brilliant plan?

Take a look at this.

This guy at Dynagon,

Foster...

he's worth spooking,

so tomorrow, what we do...

Would you get that?

My hands are all gooey.

Yeah.

-Hello. Speaking.

-This Blue?

Do you remember me?

You have a really sexy voice...

but, hey,

I'm a happily married man.

You'll be a dead man soon.

Who is this again?

This is Muerte.

Morty!

No! No Morty!

Muerte! Death!

Yeah, right. Death.

That's right.

I'm coming for you, man...

and I'm going to kill you.

Morty, it's late.

What's the bottom line?

The bottom line is

you're gonna die, man...ugly.

Morty, do me a favour.

Don't call here anymore...

unless you want to have

a serious conversation.

Excuse me! No! Hello?

-Who was that?

-That was Morty.

Muerte. How nice.

-He'll be very useful.

-Boy, are you optimistic.

Dynagon Industries.

You wanted to see me?

Yes, Mr. Foster.

My name is Hildy Johnson.

I'm with

the ''Chicago Herald.''

I'm working on a story about

the theft of defence secrets.

I have absolutely no comment

to make on this matter.

Really? How about

a big front-page photo?

Oh, God!

I think you should leave,

sir, right now.

Run back the tape

from reception.

Stop it right there.

Print.

Mr. Ferderber, please.

Yes, I'll wait.

Yeah, right. Yes.

Oh, God.

-Jefferson Blue.

-You know him?

Yes. He ruined

the operation in Budapest.

This means everything will

have to be accelerated.

You must make copies of this

and distribute them.

We must get Blue.

Yes, Frau Novacek.

Yeah. Thank you.

Thank you very much.

Here you go, honey.

I told you B.B. King

recorded children's records.

There you go.

Let's go find Mommy.

Maybe she'll give us

something to eat.

Hi, Morty. How's it going?

Muerte! For Death!

You die today!

Right. That looks

really great on TV...

but you get better results

if you hold it like--

Shut up!

Do you always have

this much problem...

with a little

constructive criticism?

Now what?

Hi, hon.

I told you about Morty.

-Morty, this is Jane.

-Hi, Morty.

I'm sorry, but we've got

so much shopping to do--

Shut up! You die, too!

Oh, for God's sakes.

Oh, no.

Honey.

Come here, Morty.

I can't leave you alone

for a minute.

This wasn't my fault.

Nothing's ever your fault.

You going to kill him?

Aren't we bloodthirsty?

I told you not to drink

all that coffee.

Where are we going to eat?

I heard about this great place

from the Newmans.

They say

the oysters are terrific.

Here we go.

You want to sit here

or in the garden?

-Garden?

-Sure.

That way, please.

Do you think

we'll find Novacek?

Absolutely.

We spooked Foster.

Word gets to Novacek.

Novacek gets worried.

She doesn't know

what move to make.

She's fretful.

She's nervous.

You're describing

a baby with colic.

All right.

What can I get for you folks?

A new acquaintance told me

this was the place for oysters.

Yes, ma'am, it is.

We'll have six dozen oysters

and two beers.

All right, sir. Right away.

You like them, too?

This place is great.

Darling, do the oysters

come with guns?

Don't make any sudden moves.

-Is there a bee on me?

-l don't see one.

What's a sudden move?

I never understood that.

I don't either.

They watch too many cop shows.

Get up from the table

very, very slowly.

Very, very? Not just very?

Start moving.

You remember Marseilles

three, four years ago?

Uh-huh.

Don't try anything stupid.

-Sure you remember?

-l think so.

All right.

On the count of three--

-One...two...three.

-Don't!

All right.

The comedy's over.

After them, you fools!

Why didn't you shoot him

under the table?

You said Marseilles.

That was East Berlin.

Oops.

They just closed for lunch.

Anything you care to tell me?

The oysters look terrific.

I mean about

what just happened here.

I'd say it was

a domestic disturbance.

-Domestic disturbance?

-Like ''The Honeymooners.''

Remember how

Ralph fought with Alice?

I don't recollect Ralph

using semiautomatic weapons.

Norton sometimes did.

And Mrs. Manicotti

on the second floor.

Wow, what a temper she had.

You got a gun?

Give it to me.

I don't carry a gun.

Jeff's a lousy shot.

He bribed the examiner

at the FBI.

That's a lie.

I bribed the guy at the CIA.

I blackmailed

the guy at the FBI.

You think you're smarter

than we are.

Not much.

I just have more training.

I thought you were

a vacuum cleaner salesman.

What's he doing,

joining the band?

-That's your husband.

-l know.

-Does he play the trumpet?

-Apparently.

I hate him.

I really hate him.

-Is she asleep?

-Like an angel.

I will be having hideous

nightmares about shoot-outs.

Don't blame me.

You picked the restaurant.

Here's what I think.

Tomorrow morning...

you and the pumpkin

get on a plane...

and I'll call you

when it's over.

Please.

Isn't that what you want?

We are a team.

End of story.

God knows what would happen

to you if I wasn't around.

I might get hurt.

Or worse than that.

Don't start.

I have to make a phone call.

Who do you want to be,

good cop or bad cop?

Bad cop.

Who are you calling?

I never get to be the bad cop.

You can never keep

a straight face.

Who are you calling?

-Yes?

-Mr. Foster?

Who is this?

Our organization

has been penetrated...

by a brilliant American agent

and his beautiful wife.

Meet me--

At the cemetery

where we always meet.

But of course.

2:
00 tomorrow afternoon.

Do not be late.

So, tomorrow

we gang up on Mr. Foster.

Do you think he'll come?

Absolutely. If he doesn't,

we still get some sightseeing.

So you were saying

if you weren't around...

You might get hurt.

Badly hurt.

Maimed, maybe.

Maybe...

Maybe worse.

Decapitated...lose my head.

I know what decapitated means.

Kill the light.

I meant turn it off.

-Honey.

-Look who's here.

Ding, ding, ding,

went the trolley

-Clang, sir.

-What?

Clang went the trolley,

ding went the bell.

So, you've been assigned

to follow us.

Who says we're following you?

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Ian Abrams

Ian Abrams is an American television writer and producer, and, with Pat Page and Vik Rubenfeld, co-creator of the CBS TV series Early Edition, although he did not write any produced episodes of the series except the pilot and was only on the writing staff of the show during its first year. Other credits include Undercover Blues and Rolling Thunder (1996). Since 1998, Abrams, who attended Duke University, has been Director of the Screenwriting and Playwriting in the Antoinette Westphal College of Media Arts and Design at Drexel University, where he teaches screenwriting, film comedy, and contemporary cinema, among other courses. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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