Unlawful Entry Page #2

to get in this house without you knowing!

Here, there will be

an infrared motion detector.

This will detect if

anybody breaks the glass.

Hey! What's he doing in

the bathroom here?

Oh.

It's just an extra precaution,

it's a safe room.

These old houses have doors

like solid rock.

We put a heavy dead bolt

on each entrance here.

If there's an intruder,

just lock yourself in and wait

for the cavalry,

which is us.

Pick out a codeword.

It's got to be seven letters.

Pyramid.

Pyramid?

This is the Michael Carr residence.

The codeword's gonna be pyramid.

Right. OK. Thank you.

That's it.

Oh, yeah.

- 440 cubes, 500 horses.

- Jesus!

- Did you do the work yourself?

- Every nut and bolt.

Installed the alarm. It relaxes me.

- That is nice. Really nice.

- Thanks.

Oh, man!

You've got a knack

for this security stuff!

Do you ever think about

consulting as a sideline?

- Consulting?

- Yeah. Homes, businesses.

I got a club

I'm putting together downtown.

What you're doing today,

but you get paid for your time.

I never really thought about it much.

- You're staying for dinner, right?

- Yeah.

- No.

- Are you doing anything?

I'd be crossing the line.

Cops on one side,

everybody else on the other.

Come on!

This has really been nice.

Usually dinner for me

is a bunch of us telling

boring war stories.

Cops stick together

because nobody else could stand us!

- You've never been married?

- No.

She'll try to line you up

with one of her friends.

- I'll get her, Jack.

- Sorry, Michael.

She smells that meat and goes crazy.

Meet me round the front.

I'm sorry. I'm still a little freaked.

That's OK.

That's understandable.

I can't believe

you've never been serious

about anyone.

No.

Cops and marriage are a tough combination.

So...

I can't believe how much I'm talking.

When I was a kid,

I hardly ever talked.

When I was in school,

I never talked.

I was famous for it.

Oh.

Take it from a teacher,

we love those quiet boys

in the back of the class.

Don't you believe her, Pete!

She loves all kids.

That's what's missing.

I'm surprised you two don't have

a few running around.

I'm sorry about bringing up...

..kids. It's really none of my business.

Hey, I just wanted to thank you.

You really went out of your way.

It did so much for Karen.

She'll bounce back.

She'll bounce back

a lot quicker because of you.

What about you? Have you bounced back?

I don't know.

A guy gets his hands on your wife like that,

you feel helpless.

You did what you could, Michael.

You showed a lot of balls.

There was one moment where

he had a hold of her

and I had that stupid golf club,

I thought I could just...

I didn't... I didn't take the shot.

A f***ing nightmare when you think

about what could have happened.

I wouldn't mind one more shot

at that son of a b*tch.

- Really?

- Hell, yeah!

I'd like to kick the sh*t out of him!

- I'm sure you would.

- Wouldn't you?

Oh, I already know what I would do.

I'm just wondering about

a nice, civilized guy like you.

After what he did to Karen,

I think all the rules are out the window.

I'd rip his f***ing heart out.

Michael!

You're a scary guy!

Hey! You know,

you'd enjoy coming on a ride-along.

- What's that?

- Riding along with us on patrol one night.

- You can do that?

- We often do for writers, journalists...

Uh-huh. It sounds...

Yeah, I could do that.

Great. I'm gonna set it up.

You come watch us kick some butt.

- When do you want to do it?

- Tomorrow.

Come on. It'll be fun.

Yeah. Why not?

Great. I'll see you then.

Sign it, so your old lady can't come after

the City if you get killed or maimed.

Nothing will happen to him. He's with me.

Hey, Pete.

OK, Mike. A dope dealer,

a public defender and my ex-wife

all get thrown off

the Empire State Building.

Which one hits the cement first?

I don't know. Who lands first?

Who cares!

Oh, oh, oh!

Oh, my gosh, look at this!

Do you think she's a real blonde, Roy?

Officer.

Was I going too fast?

Do you have a license and a registration,

ma'am?

Yes.

Certain types of women

just have a thing for cops.

They think we're like movie stars.

If we were to search

any one of these a**holes,

we'd be up to our butts

in drugs and guns.

This place is one

giant supermarket of sh*t.

- Right, Leon?

- Whatever you say, Officer Pete.

- This is Mr. Clean here.

- That's right, that's me.

Yes, sir. Mr. Clean.

Maria! Como esta?

Yeah!

Everything OK? No problemas?

No, no problemas.

If there is, let me know, OK?

You won't be finding any clientele

for your club around here, Michael.

Try it. The best in LA.

You know, I ate before I came out.

I'm really full.

So, are you enjoying yourself?

Yeah. Yeah, it's an eye-opener.

Something occurred to me when you were

at the house for the barbecue, Pete.

I don't know how it works

here in Los Angeles.

When I was in Phoenix,

I used to hire off-duty police officers

to ward the club.

Hear that? Mike's offering us

moonlighting money.

- I'd like to talk to you...

- Hi.

Hi.

So, how are you?

Are you like a captain, or something?

Lieutenant.

Come on, vamonos!

Can't you see the lieutenant's married?

Oh, yeah? Oh.

Oh, well. Ya me voy.

- Bye, Pete.

- See you later, Rosa.

These b*tches can't get enough of us.

Michael, stay here.

Keep away!

Police! Everything all right in there?

No! Everything is not all right!

F***ing a**hole jailbird

is on the f***ing bed!

F*** you, f*** you.

There you go. Are you all right?

Come on, boy.

Why don't you stay here with me?

Roy, I'm taking him out.

Take that piece of sh*t

back to the jailhouse where he belongs!

Mom! Mommy!

See? They got him.

Roy, why don't you go

and get yourself cleaned up?

Me and Michael will put the car to bed.

It works for me.

- Later, gentlemen.

- Take care.

It's a hell of a life, huh, Mike?

- Is it always like this?

- Day in and day out.

Come on. Hop up in front.

Your wife wants to know

why I can't meet a nice woman.

I thought you guys

handled it all pretty well.

Where are we headed?

Just got one more errand to run.

Come on! Move!

Michael!

Stay there.

Michael. Meet Ernie Pike.

Come out and ID this piece of sh*t.

Come on, motherf***er!

That's him!

You got him, goddamn! That's him.

Did you hear that?

You've just been made.

You've just been made, scumbag!

Picked up a crackhead pal of his.

Turned in Pike here.

You broke into my friend's house? Huh?

Did you scare him and his pretty wife?

Did you do that? Did you do that?

OK. I'm sorry, man. OK?

F*** off!

He doesn't want to hear you're sorry.

He wants to kick your ass!

Guess what, scumbag?

I'm gonna let him.

- Ready?

- What?

What are you waiting for?

Let's go.

Are you serious?

Yeah! You said you wanted

to rip his f***ing heart out!

Well, yeah, yeah.

But, I mean, that was...

just talking.

Tell him. Say it!

Say how you wanted that uptown p*ssy.

- Is that what you wanted? Say it!

- No, man.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes