Uptown Girls Page #3

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It's not going to work out.

You spent all night at that guy's | house doing God knows what,

then you come here | and crash at work.

I can't believe you did this to me | after all the strings I pulled.

I know that I'm | an undeserving creep,

but can we please | talk about it over lunch?

No! Our lunch date is canceled. | You can't afford lunch.

Fine, see if I care. | I'll live off of water and sunshine.

You won't have to.

Once again your main man | is gonna come through for ya.

You're gonna get me | a record deal.

Not exactly.

Hi! | - Oh, my God.

You're my new nanny?

Hi, Laraine. | - It's Ray.

Nobody calls me Laraine.

Okay, Ray, I'm Molly.

We met at my birthday party, | remember?

You're late.

By, like, a second.

By three and a half minutes.

I have to take my Aciphex | by 4:26, and it's...4:18 right now.

We'll take it when we get home. | - That's when I take my Colitin.

The agency must really be | getting desperate.

I actually am uniquely qualified | for this position,

having spent so many years

developing my skills | as a people person.

Mission accomplished?

Fruit punch?

Why don't you | just drink cyanide?

At least it's quick.

Damn.

Hang your coat up in there.

What is this, "The Shining"?

Who is that? | - Nobody.

What's wrong with him? | - None of your b-i business.

Shoes!

This is your room?

There's no fooling you, | is there?

It's so...

...orderly.

These are so neat!

I remember when there were | only four models.

I can't believe this. | She's beautiful.

Look at these legs. | - That's Pliing Polly.

Put her back!

How cool is this?

Look at this little tea set!

You don't touch that unless | I happen to invite you to tea.

Look at these cute little scones.

Get away from there.

Well, I say, Lady Sassafras, | would you like some "crme frache"

to go with | your darling pastries?

You just got your germy drool | over my plastic scone, you freako.

Kid, have you ever been | to a shrink?

Since I was three.

What?

Good afternoon, Miss Ray. | Dinner is ready.

There's just nothing | like good help.

You missed a spot.

Isn't doing the dishes what the maid | is supposed to be for?

She doesn't know how to dry | without leaving spots.

You don't know how to dry | without destroying the environment.

For every roll | of paper towels you waste,

a tree in the rain forest dies.

I'm gonna die of botulism

from the germs on that gunky | towel, you tree-Ioving hippie.

At least I don't prefer tofu | to normal hamburgers.

I'm not the one who's gonna get | mad cow disease and go nuts,

though you don't seem to have | a brain to fry in the first place.

Maybe not, but at least I'm not | holding the germ-infested towel.

Give me that plate.

No, sorry. | You might infect it.

Why don't you get your plastic | baggie and dig up some penicillin?

No! | - Come on.

Give me the plate! | - You want it?

How bad do you want it?

Get a broom.

You get a frickin' broom.

When you work for me, | you leave when I say you can leave.

For your information, | I do not work for you.

I am employed by your mother.

Yeah? | Take a look around.

Do you see her anywhere?

News flash... you're not gonna

unless you make an appointment | with her assistant

or hang around her bedroom door | at 3:00 in the morning.

In the meantime, | you're workin' for me.

Is that so?

News flash, Mussolini...

I quit!

Swinging door.

Are you all right, Miss Gunn? | - Just great.

Baby!

Baby, what are you doing outside | all by yourself?

How did you get locked out?

Mama's had a day.

I've lived here for 20 years. | How can you do this?

Aside from that...

This is a family building, | Miss Gunn.

I suggest you find somewhere | you'd be more welcome.

Like Los Angeles.

You will be allowed back | into your apartment

only so long as you are accompanied | by a management representative

and only long enough | to gather your belongings.

That is, those personal belongings | we don't insist on holding

as collateral for the rent | and utilities you owe.

You are otherwise barred | from the premises.

I know this is | a big change for you,

but it'll feel like home | in no time at all.

This is the bedroom... | my bedroom, of course...

but there's plenty | of drawer space if you need it.

I can't believe those creeps | would throw a destitute woman

into the street.

Chivalry is so dead.

This is the bathroom. | I hung up your towels for you.

I've been here | a thousand times.

You know the kitchen.

Julie and Holly come over | Thursdays for our weekly bake fest.

Mondays, Penny and Ethel come | so we can do yoga with Rajiiv

right here in the living room.

But this is going to be | a problem.

Ing, don't you think it's weird | that Neal hasn't called me?

No, but I think it's weird | that you're wearing his jacket.

I told you just bring | the essentials, Molly.

You can't keep all this stuff.

And he definitely has to go.

Mu, what are we gonna do?

Downsize, Molly. | Purify.

Streamline, | find your center.

You're right, Ing.

We're gonna get you the best | housewarming present ever.

Don't be silly.

It's gonna be hard enough on you | coming up with half the rent.

Wonderful, girls.

Tomorrow we start rehearsing | for next month's recital,

but I think we still have | five minutes.

How about a little freestyle?

You sure looked great | out there.

I just, you know...

Yelling at you | the other day and all...

I'm sorry.

What are you doing here?

I called Roma, your mom...

...and she said that if you said | that it was okay,

I could have my job back?

You're on probation.

Act your age, | not your shoe size.

How come you left | dance class so early?

That freestyle at the end | looked like so much fun.

Freestyle is for moronic little kids | and hippie freaks.

It's fun.

Fundamentals | are the building blocks of fun.

Says who?

Mikhail Baryshnikov, | who I'm sure you've never heard of.

Ballet is about precision, | discipline, and poise.

They made us take ballet | at Darlington.

I couldn't wait to get out there | and make up all my own moves.

Figures. | Such a sloppy doofus.

Figures. You're such | a pill-popping little tyrant.

Don't ever do that | to me again.

You're hurting me. | - You hurt me.

Take it back.

Take it back.

Fine.

I take it back.

It's a good thing you did.

Otherwise you wouldn't | have gotten your surprise.

Surprise.

I really hate surprises, | and I sincerely doubt

there's anything you could give me | that I don't already have.

There's no harm | in trying, is there?

Ray, are you all right?

My glands are swollen. | I'm having an allergic reaction.

My immune system | is crashing.

Mu stayed with you | one measly little night.

Come on.

And that's all | he's gonna be staying.

Wasn't it fun, though, | sneaking him in and out for his walk?

It was like a real, live adventure. | You know you had fun.

I'm not a swineherd, kook.

Excuse me. | How much is this putter?

This putter is not for sale. | Sorry. This is a mistake.

You don't golf. | - Tiger gave this to me.

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