Used Cars

Mornin', roy!

Same to you, a**hole.

Rudy russo, mi amigo!

I bring you your cars.

- They are beautiful, no?

- No! Are you using water-based paint?

Sure, we don't get much rain around here.

What do you want for 200?

Metalflake?

Listen, you don't like these cars...

here's my inventory.

- That's a picture of 250 cars.

- 253 cars.

The river has been

very good to me this year...

i can't make a deal

off a picture like this.

How about some girls? I got all kinds!

Short, tall, fat,

uglies, bonitas, seoritas, big tits...

later, i think i got a customer.

I'll think of something.

Student driver sh*t!

- Hey, rudy!

- Quiet!

- Jesus, you're not gonna...

- i'm gonna bait this guy.

- Luke's not gonna like that.

- Luke's asleep.

- Who's the grape?

- Right there, see him?

He pulled up in that red chevelle.

I'm gonna sell him my buick.

- Forget it. He pulled up in a red car.

- Come on, jeff, you got your foot.

A rabbit's foot

is no protection against a red car.

A red car is bad luck and trouble.

I gotta get some customers on this lot.

I gotta have some fast cash.

Yeah? For what?

For this.

Christ, first a red car, now this...

this man, roy I. Fuchs, doesn't lie.

This man gives you a special guarantee.

I mean, beautiful!

It's up to you, it's your decision.

One who hesitates is lost.

Where are you going, pal?

Come on back here!

Hi there! How you doing?

This your ten dollars?

I saw it floatin' underneath the car.

- Here you are. What's your name?

- Stanley dewoski.

What a coincidence! Rudy polanski.

- I like that watch... great shoes!

- Thanks.

So, you want to buy this buick, huh?

You got good taste.

Nice to see somebody on this lot who

knows a good car when he sees one.

- So, we write it up?

- Actually, i was just looking.

Hey, terrific! Here you can look, browse,

taste, smell, do anything you want.

Nobody's gonna pressure anybody

around here.

I really think

you ought to buy this buick.

You ought to buy it right now.

This buick is you.

This is your car! Stanley dewoski

is buick centurion convertible.

You're thinking,

"can i afford to buy a car like this?"

You can't afford

not to buy a car like this.

When you add this whole thing up,

you'll come out 10,000 dollars ahead.

The prestige of owning a buick centurion

can't be measured in dollars and cents.

What the hell

are you trying to tell me, sam?

I've been trying to make sure that new

freeway ramp ran through my brother's lot.

According to this, the goddam ramp is

coming right through the middle of my lot.

What's with that pinhead mayor?

He had no choice. It was the only way

to prove there was no conflict of interest.

That mayor don't know dick!

You're the assistant deputy

district attorney! Can't you fix it for me?

- I'm sorry, roy, it's too late.

- Just like that, huh?

This country's going to the dogs!

It used to be when you bought a politician,

that son of a b*tch stayed bought.

You're gonna love it, stan!

Trust me!

Sh*t! There goes a perfectly good

bumper sticker... hey, luke.

That's a nice pair of shoes.

You baited him, didn't you?

Skated him from across the street.

I had to. I can't sell a car

unless i get them on the lot.

Now, rudy, listen to me, will ya?

For the last time,

will you listen to me, son?

Suppose that he's an undercover agent

for the consumer protection agency.

We're still on probation for

consumer fraud. We gotta watch our step.

My ravenous brother over there is just

waiting to get his grimy hands on this lot.

I'm desperate, i gotta move some cars.

I gotta make ten grand in six weeks.

Ten grand?

Are you in some kind of trouble?

No, no...

take a look at this.

There's an opening for state senate.

The machine's looking for a fresh face,

somebody with no axes to grind -

- who wants to tell the people what they

want to hear. They're looking for me!

I talked to the party chairman last week.

Sixty grand buys me the nomination.

Sixty grand, huh?

That's all it takes nowadays?

No, that's like a down payment.

Once i'm in, i go fifty-fifty on

all the graft i take in. Politics, luke!

It's my chance to do something

with my life. Go places, meet people...

maybe even meet some broad...

still looking, huh, rudy?

I don't want to be stuck

on this dusty lot for the rest of my life.

I wanna make something out of myself,

have people look up at me for a change.

This is my once in a lifetime deal.

I took out a second mortgage

on my mobile home.

I cashed in my insurance policies,

sold my car and i'm still ten grand short.

Toby, get me a phillip's screwdriver.

Listen, i got some promotional ideas

that'll flood this place with prospects.

I found two electronics whizz-kids.

They know how to jam a football game

and sneak in some commercials.

Now, we get these strippers, big tits...

you know, i think we'll put

this baby on the line...

i can't fool with this forever.

Sixteen months is long enough.

No, toby, i said a phillip's screwdriver.

Luke, can i ask you something?

Why are we giving these cars away?

We're not giving them away.

School district's paying me 1200 apiece.

I can get 3950 apiece for these cars.

Those are the 1200 apiece cars.

What? These?

You are the craziest,

most irresponsible operator i ever met.

And when you stand there and tell me

that you want to be a politician...

i know you're right.

All right, i'll lend you the ten grand.

No sh*t, luke?

I wouldn't kid you

about something like that.

We'll go down to the bank in the morning.

Only i don't want to jam any football

games and i don't want any strippers.

Goddam, all right, luke! I love ya!

I'm on my way!

Ask not what your country's done for you,

ask what you've just done for your country!

Are you okay?

Hey, are you all right, luke?

I'm just not used to

all that kind of excitement.

Here... jesus, i'm sorry, luke.

Here, take a pill.

I'll be all right.

You just promise me one thing.

When you buy that election,

become a big-shot politician...

promise me you'll keep my brother

from getting his hands on this lot.

They know, don't they, sam?

They know they're about to have

the best freeway access in the state.

Nobody knows, roy.

It won't be announced for a few weeks yet.

I suggest you torch this museum and buy

out your brother with the insurance money.

If i could buy him out, do you think

i would try to have him put away?

The only way i'm going to

get that lot is to inherit it.

- I thought he had a daughter.

- She ain't been heard of in years.

The son of a b*tch

has got a bad heart, you know.

Don't be stupid, roy.

- Just dreaming, sam, just dreaming.

- Right...

carmine!

Send in that new kid

from the demolition derby.

- Mickey?

- Yeah, mickey.

Now, let's examine that pinto, shall we?

Look at that undercoating...

- classic chassis, pal.

- Thanks.

Shall we examine the capacious interior

of this luxury automobile?

I got this guy right where i want him.

Stay out of this...

charlie, good to see you. I got

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote