Used Cars Page #2

the papers drawn up on that chrysler...

- it's a chevy nova.

- Hey, i'll be right with you.

Clown.

Excuse me, old man, you a salesman?

Now that's a miracle.

God in heaven, that's a miracle.

Excuse me, you a salesman here?

You know, i'm not one for religion, but

jesus, mary and joseph that is a miracle!

That was my daughter calling me.

Do you believe it? My own daughter.

I just want to buy a car.

She took off about ten years ago,

joined one of those communes.

I ain't seen or heard from her.

Didn't know if she was living or dead.

And all of a sudden she calls,

after ten years. Now that's a miracle.

I know how you feel, old man.

I had a dog once, ran away.

Only she got hit by a truck.

What's the story on this '57 chev here?

Now, son, you're looking at one of

the finest automobiles on this lot.

I rebuilt that engine

with my own two hands.

Does it run?

Does it run? Like a dream.

Well, old man, for 2400

it'd better run like a wet dream.

Yeah... that's a miracle.

Well, at least it starts, old man.

After ten years...

- you won't need that.

- I like to feel safe.

Easy now, easy.

Sounds good, old man!

What the hell was that?

You got a real oil pressure problem here,

it's running real hot... real hot.

Pills? What do you need

those pills for, old man?

Isn't this fun, old man?

You ever played chicken?

I love chicken... i love it.

You're a good sport, old man.

I like you.

What do you say we find out

what this baby is constructed of?

Come on, get over there, old man.

Oh sh*t!

What's the matter, old man?

You homesick?

I'll have you home in a minute.

What the hell was that?

think about it. I got your card.

- I broke my back getting you this deal.

- Fifty bucks never killed anybody.

You're not going to find

another deal like this in town.

- Fifty bucks never killed anybody.

- A deal's a deal.

- Fifty bucks never...

- okay, you got it, you win.

I'll see what i can do. But i'm

telling ya, my boss sees these figures, -

- when he sees these,

he's going to have a stroke.

What's he trying to pull?

Fifty bucks never killed anybody.

Okay, it's a deal, it's a deal!

I'll sign! I'll sign!

I'm sorry! I shook on it! It's a deal!

I never welsh on a deal

and i really do want the car...

luke, where are your pills?

Jesus christ, you guys mean business!

I signed it! Show it to him!

Here's the down payment.

Here, show it to him.

Here's the money!

Here, take it!

Look... you guys are busy.

We'll pick the car up tomorrow.

Oh my god!

Honey, let's get out of here!

Jesus christ!

Luke's dead.

Calm down, we're being watched.

- By who?

- Who do you think?

Sam? Roy... roy!

Yeah, i know it's late.

First thing tomorrow, i want you to come

over here and visit my brother with me.

Well, i'm a little concerned

about his health.

And bring those probate papers with you.

Probate papers!

He's gone.

Jim, help me prop him up, i don't want

toby to see him like this.

Jesus, mary and... i don't know, man.

I think we're out of our minds here.

I think we've got to call the cops.

I mean, it's murder, for christ's sake!

You know that and i know. But the cops

are going to say it was a heart attack.

He's got no family, no will, no nothing.

That means his brother inherits this lot.

I promised him i wasn't going to let that

son of a b*tch get his hands on this lot.

- Easy!

- Hey, don't worry about it!

Look, i helped put it up,

i ought to know how to take it down!

Okay, let it down easy.

Hey, man, this sh*t gives me the creeps.

He should be buried properly.

Nobody's gonna believe he drove his edsel

to Miami. Nobody goes to Miami!

Old people go to Miami!

Where do you want him to go? Aspen?

- This crate won't go around the block!

- This motherf***er runs!

Please show a little respect

for the dead!

- You want to say something?

- Me? No.

- Jim?

- About what?

All right...

luke fuchs, you're about to drive

over the curb for the last time.

He was a good man,

an honest man, a trusted man.

We can't carve your name

on a granite tombstone, -

- but we can keep it

flying high above this lot.

We can't put flowers on your grave, -

- but we can hang the finest vinyl pennants

and pinwheels that money can buy.

You'll be surrounded by an inventory

of the finest quality discount cars.

Ford, chrysler, general motors

will be your headstone.

High volume, high visibility

will be your epitaph.

Rest in peace, luke.

Keep shovelling.

Aren't you a little big

to be playing in the f***ing mud?

- We're landscaping.

- We had some flooding last night.

So, what can i do you for?

- I'd like to talk to my brother.

- You're gonna have to talk kind of loud.

- He went to Miami late last night.

- That's right, Miami.

- Miami?

- Yeah, Miami beach.

- Florida.

- I know where the f*** Miami beach is.

Some a**hole f***ed up

one of his cars, -

- so he decided he needed a little

r and r. He's got a bad heart.

- I know all about his goddam heart.

- I'm sure you do.

- What airline did he fly?

- Edsel.

I couldn't believe it either,

but that thing runs like new.

That's bullshit, russo!

He had a stroke.

I saw him hit the floor.

What? Last night? He slipped on some

He's lying, sam.

The son of a b*tch is lying!

He thinks i'm lying, jim.

Luke told me to have you arrested for

trespassing. Do i have to call the cops?

- Do we have to call the cops?

- Are you a f***ing parrot?

- Come on, roy, let's go.

- Suck-ass son of a b*tch.

Get the hell out of here!

- See, we got nothing to worry about.

- Are you out of your f***ing mind?

We've got a dead guy buried here

and we're going on tv illegally tonight.

We need customers.

Sneaking a commercial

into a football game is illegal!

Freddie and eddie

know what they're doing.

What if the fcc wants to bust us

for false advertising?

We just work here.

They'll have to talk to the boss.

Coast is clear, freddie.

All right... and out.

Freddie, come here.

Are we gonna be able to film

under these blue lights?

We're not going to film

under the blue lights.

That's why i've got the sun guns

mounted on the van. Trust me, will ya?

- Rehearsal!

- We just sell this purple olds.

Margaret, this is where you

show us how you're gonna sit.

A little thigh

to keep their attention...

and then i'll say, "okay, margaret,

why don't you tell us about this one?"

This '76 delta 88 is really equipped with

white walls, radio and heater.

For only $695.

Maroon car, my ass.

This motherf***er is red...

then i'm going to say, "and be sure

to check out those high beams. "

I make a little titjoke.

I'm sorry this is so sexist...

- nice maroon car, ain't it?

- Yeah, purple...

- did you remember the sunglasses?

- I got something better. It's perfect...

idiot! You trying to murder me?

Trying to assault my person?

This is perfect. They're disguises.

- What the hell is this?

- You're lucky, i only have three left.

Here we go.

Do me a favour and just put 'em on.

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