Vamp

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1

Welcome to your worst nightmare.

You're about to make

the ultimate sacrifice.

The supreme test of immortality!

- The supreme sacrifice...

- Cut!

- ...will take place...

- Stop! Time out.

I'd rather hang

than listen to this again.

I'd rather hang

than listen to this again, you know!

This isn't a frat house!

It's a half-way house for morons!

The spooky costumes and the phoney

hangings... Guys, give me a break!

Silence, Pledge!

The De Psi Phi initiation has just begun.

Oh, I get it.

They're trying to bore us to death!

Oh, yeah! It's working.

L asked you guys to be careful

with my clothes.

Now, who wrinkled my shirt?

Wasn't me!

We misjudged you two,

you're obviously not De Psi Phi material.

No, I think it's Keith and I

who seem to be mistaken here.

- Am I right?

- Fooled completely!

We were under the impression

that this was the house on campus!

If you're the kind of organisation

that will take in any kid who'll jump off

a stool with a noose around his neck...

Guys! Obviously you don't see

the advantages of your position.

What advantages?

You have something we want.

Plush accommodations.

Cable television. Continental cuisine!

Instead of making us

go through these stupid, immature...

What's the word I'm looking for?

Asinine tests,

which, by the way,

we find incredibly boring,

wouldn't it be much more

to your advantage,

to take this situation,

and get something for yourselves?

Yes! You're going to have

a big party tonight, right?

And for this party, you're definitely

going to need party... stuff!

You're going to need

booze, tunes, entertainment!

- Booze is easy.

- We provide it!

Anything at all,

anything you need, and we're in!

Anything?

Excuse us, one second.

Come here!

Listen, AJ, I'm really excited

about the way this is going.

I'm a little concerned

with this "anything" part.

Couldn't you have said

"a thing", or "something"?

Keith, Keith! Relax, will you?

These guys are operating on empty.

I'll take care of this. Trust me.

A stripper, and by tonight!

This is great, I can't wait to see you

get us out of this one.

After all these years

you don't trust me?

- The truth?

- No, lie to me!

Yeah! I trust you.

Yeah, just one number!

That's it.

L know you're a dancer

and a professional trainer,

but I was just thinking how interesting

it would be with your clothes off.

- You're doing well, you know that?

- Bear with me here.

Hey, Sandy. How you doing?

Yeah, this is AJ.

Oh, so you heard?

It'Il only take five minutes!

Come on, I'd do it for you!

Field trip!

We'll hire ourselves a pro!

Great!

Call me when you get back.

- How much money have you got?

- AJ, they're not worth it.

They? I couldn't care less

about those wimps.

It's their frat house,

what a place to operate from!

You're giving me a headache.

We're 200 miles from civilization,

with no money

and no way to get there.

Tell me the De Psi Phi house

is worth this kind of aggravation.

- I got 82 bucks.

- Together we total 168.

That, and a little charm, should get us

a stripper and one deadly number.

Now all we need are some wheels!

Duncan...

Duncan Spriggs unleashes

a monstrous drive,

right down the centre of the fairway.

It's a beauty. Once again

an amazing performance by...

Hi, there!

You have a car, right?

Listen, I'll pay for the damages,

I shouldn't have parked there anyway.

What car was it anyway?

No you see, we need a car!

We're taking a trip and we'd like

to work out a deal for transportation.

Hey, guys! Where are you going?

I ordered some pizza!

- I'm a vegetarian!

- I'm buying!

- Your Russian lit essay.

- Oh great, listen,

any time you want to catch a movie

you just give me a buzz, all right?

It'll be a pleasure helping you guys

out! Can I call you guys? Great!

Come on, sit down, relax!

Kick back, dudes!

You know, I mostly get

your basic dorks hanging around here.

They seem to gravitate towards me.

I don't know why!

I'm surprised I haven't seen

you two up here before!

This place is usually swinging!

You ought to pop up sometime.

Come on, fellas! Eat!

So, taking a trip!

Need a ride, huh?

You're in luck! One left!

Now, normally

I charge the average...

Wait, charge?

We were thinking something more

along the lines of a favour.

To be returned, of course.

That's new! I like that!

One hand washes the other, right?

Right! Yeah! lf there's anything...

lf there was something

that we could do for you...

I already know! Be my friends!

Take me with you!

No, I don't think...

All right, take me with you

and be my friends for a week!

- But...

- All right!

Take me with you and just pretend

to be my friends for a week!

This is fantastic!

Hey, guys, I'm psyched! Let's party!

Where are we going?

Doesn't matter,

what counts is that you're my buddies...

...for a week!

You think I'm cute.

A little bit shy.

Doctor, doctor, give me the news

I got a bad case of lovin' you.

No pills Shake my fist!

Tallywackers!

Hey guys, boob-a-rama,

strip search...!

Let me have this.

This is the one right here,

I can feel it.

"The After Dark Club,

the hottest acts anywhere."

Guys, it sounds classy, do you think

we should have called for reservations?

I'm ready.

We are ready!

12 for $1 .50. Socks, 6 for $1.

AJ, watch!

Guys!

You get the feeling

we're not in Kansas any more?

Well, the guy says

it's just down the street,

but the ad says the club

won't open until after dark...

...what the hell that means.

- Well, it's dark!

- Yeah, but is it after dark?

- No, but it's definitely dark!

- It might have just turned dark.

If we knew the exact moment it's dark,

we'd wait a few seconds

and it'd be after dark.

- So when's that?

- I don't know.

But you know what I'm saying,

after dark could mean morning!

- Am I making sense?

- No.

Hurry it up, it's closing time!

- Yo, Dunc!

- Let's go!

I'm going as fast as I can!

L just closed.

You just opened, again.

Coffees... six cups... to go.

Don't do that!

I'm not kidding!

AJ, help me.

Nope!

You see something funny?

L think this is serious.

AJ, I live, you die.

Think I'm going to let Maven there

cut one of your balls off.

Looks like it'Il be another hour or so

on these toilets, these pipes are tough!

So if you excuse me,

I'll get back to work!

Yeah, I definitely think

it's after dark now!

Snow!

I'm AJ! Come on,

all this over three lousy teeth?

Who spoke to you?

Uh oh.

Drop the knife, Snowflake, or you'Il

be picking these up off the floor!

Hey, Duncan, if you've finished

with those toilet seats...

Lucky they didn't try the bathrooms.

I was ready. What I would have done...

Hey! Messing with my buddies,

wham! Right in the chachkies.

One guy takes on the three of us.

Hey! Maybe we ought to wait

and see if you want another round!

How about that buddy? Huh?

Dunc! They ordered six coffees!

Ok, so it's not Caesar's palace.

Let's get this over with quick.

I'm in the mood for love

Simply because they're naked.

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