Van Gogh: Painted With Words Page #3

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He was back home living with his parents.

His widowed cousin Kee Voss came to visit the parsonage,

and Vincent fell madly in love with her.

From the beginning of this love I've felt that unless I threw myself into it

unreservedly,

committing myself to it whole-heartedly, fully and forever, then

there would be absolutely no chance for me.

But does it matter to me if the chance is smaller or larger? I mean,

must I, can I, take that into account

when I love?

No

no thought to the winnings.

One loves because one loves.

But this love was not reciprocated,

and it embarrassed his parents,

who thought he was shaming the family.

His uncle forbade Vincent from seeing Kee.

But he bombarded her with letters,

and then

I went to Amsterdam.

There I was told "your persistence is sickening."

I put my fingers in the flame of a lamp and said,

"let me see her for as long as I hold my hand in the flame."

But they blew out the lamp, and said, you shall not see her.

To love

what a business.

Vincent set out for The Hague,

the centre of the Dutch art world.

'I had a rather violent argument with Pa, and

'feelings ran so high that Pa said it would be better if I left home.

'It was said so decisively that I actually left the same day.

'I was angrier than I've ever remembered being in my whole life,

'and I told Pa plainly that I found the whole system of that religion loathsome.

'I want nothing more to do with it,

'and have to guard against it as against something fatal.'

Now without an income or a home, he turned to Theo.

'It goes without saying that I'm asking you, Theo, if you can do it'

"..to send me now and then what you can without going short yourself.

"Let me send you my work and you take what you want from it"

'..but I insist that I may consider the money I would receive from you as money I've earned.'

I hope to do as much as I can to help you until you start earning yourself,

but what I don't like is the way you've contrived to leave Pa and Ma.

What the devil made you so childish

and so shameless as to contrive in this way in this way

to make their life miserable and almost impossible?

It's your duty to set things straight at all costs.

Upon arrival in The Hague, Vincent set himself up in a small studio

and got a commission for a series of cityscapes,

sketching all aspects of the modern metropolis.

And Vincent, wanting to enjoy all the pleasures of city life,

soon found himself in hospital for a few weeks

undergoing treatment for syphilis.

And then

This winter I met a pregnant woman,

who had been abandoned

by the man whose child she was carrying.

A pregnant woman

wandering the streets in winter,

earning her bread, you can imagine how.

'I took that woman as a model

'and I worked with her the whole of the winter.

'She's learning to pose better every day,

'that's extremely important to me.'

Her name was Clasina Maria Hoornik,

better known as Sien,

a woman older than Vincent.

She was a seamstress who supplemented her income with prostitution.

I couldn't give her a model's full daily wage

but all the same, I paid her rent and

until now have been able, thank God, to preserve her and her child

from hunger and cold by sharing my own bread with her.

When I met this woman, she caught my eye because she looked so ill.

To me,

she is beautiful.

And I find in her exactly what I need.

Life has given her a drubbing, and sorrow,

sorrow and adversity have left their mark.

She posed for my very best drawing,

Sorrow.

I want to make drawings that move some people.

Sorrow is a small beginning.

At least it contains something straight from my own feelings.

I couldn't draw Sorrow if I didn't feel it myself.

This other one, Roots, is some tree roots in sandy ground.

I've tried to imbue the landscape with the same sentiment as the figure.

In all of nature, trees for instance, I see

expression and soul.

Well, it may be that I felt more passion

for Kee Voss,

and that in certain respects

she was more

charming than Sien.

It is certainly not so that the love for Sien is therefore less sincere.

This relationship generated even more disgust in the family

than Vincent's earlier infatuation with Kee,

and once again

he was penniless.

But, old chap, this has been an anxious fortnight.

When I wrote to you in the middle of May, all I had left was three,

three-and-a-half guilder after paying the baker.

The rent's due on 1st June, and I have nothing, literally

nothing.

I hope you'll be able to send something.

But Theo was just as scandalised

and refused to send any extra money.

With Vincent unable to support a family,

Sien decided to go back to prostitution

once the baby was born.

For Vincent, this was all too much.

Oh, Theo,

I have the most impossible and

highly unsuitable love affairs from which,

as a rule,

I emerge only with shame and disgrace.

But I shall continue to think of her often.

And so Vincent left,

and went deep into rural Holland,

to live and paint among the peasants.

This time I'm writing to you from the very back of beyond in Drenthe.

I see no way of describing the countryside to you as it should be done, because

words fail me.

What I think is the best life

is a life made up of long years of being in touch with nature out of doors.

Here are a couple of evening effects.

I'm still working on that weed burner, whom I've caught better

than before in a painted study as far as the tone is concerned,

so that it conveys more of the vastness

of the plain and the gathering dusk.

And one muddy evening after the rain I found the little hut,

which was very beautiful in its natural setting.

When I say that I'm a peasant painter, that is really so,

and will become clearer to you in future.

But living in such an isolated place,

loneliness soon bore down on him.

Alone, one is sure to perish.

Only with another can one be saved.

The very best and most effective medicine is still love and a home.

So home he went,

depressed and broke,

and with his tail between his legs,

to live with his parents again.

However, the medicine wasn't quite right.

At first it seemed to be hopeless,

but it has gradually got better, particularly

since we agreed that he will stay with us for the time being, to make studies here.

He wanted the out house to be fitted up for him.

We don't think it's a particularly suitable place, but we've had it spruced up.

Now, we shall just make it nice and warm and dry

and then it should do.

There's a similar reluctance about taking me into the house

as there would be about having a large, shaggy dog in the house.

He'll come into the room with his wet paws,

and then he's so shaggy. He'll get in everyone's way.

And his bark is so loud.

In short, he's a filthy animal.

Very well

but the animal has a human history

and, although it's a dog, a human soul,

and one with finer feelings at that - capable of

feeling what people say about him, which an ordinary dog can't do.

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