Vatel Page #4

Your name's on everybody's lips, you know.

GOURVlLLE:
This banquet will be decisive.

Your genius is... [Chuckles]

Get to the point.

Monsieur wants you for his friend.

He admires...

Well, he admires you and to speak quite frankly,

everything about you, so...

What he wants from you is, uh,

everything.

Do I hear you right?

- What do you hear?

- That Monsieur has sent you...

to ask me to join the long line of stableboys and princes...

who he has honoured so...

intimately?

Yes, your hearing is very good.

VATEL:
Tell Monsieur,

and I quote Descartes, who I once knew:

"There is no soul so weak that it cannot acquire...

"an absolute power over the passions."

GOURVlLLE:
Monsieur is not a Cartesian, as far as is known.

He only wants a few moments of your time.

Then I'll send him a message...

which reveals more of me...

than he would ever see if I were to submit.

Tell him:

We both of us live with a terrible thing,

a desire for the absolute,

the sublime, the perfect.

That's why he flits from person to person...

and that's why I give myself to no one.

And the Prince?

How long do you think it will take before this reaches the Prince?

Not long if you hurry.

My dear Vatel.

We all go round together like a celestial machine.

The Sun King is at the center.

Cond is one of his planets and I am Conds moon.

Do you think there is a place to stand where we are free?

GOURVlLLE:
Naturally I will speak to Cond.

Not to do so would be...

self-important.

More fruit on table six.

Bourdelot!

Why have you got Mme de Montausier's birds?

I got them from Madame de Montausier.

Huh?

- I'm saving them for the banquet.

- For the banquet?

Ha ha ha. No. In case the Prince requires them for his gout.

But Why?

Ah. The Princess asked La Montausier to sacrifice her canaries.

She refused.

So the Princess told her Majesty...

and she commanded La Montausier to give them to me.

Her Majesty.

But canaries,

Oh, uh. they are so small, I don't think their hearts will be enough...

to ease the Prince's pain.

You see, this rich food is very bad for his gout.

I can't serve him an omelette...

to celebrate the visit of the King of France.

It's not your fault.

I just wish I had some better birds, that's all.

I have my parrots.

But surely, Vatel, you would not sacrifice...

If the Prince's pain gets too great to bear...

then send to me for my parrots.

Tell the Princess canaries are too small.

Demaury!

VATEL:
Return those birds to Madame de Montausier's room.

The Duc de Longueville is drinking too heavily,

serve him a lighter wine.

A candle has gone out on table six.

Angel drops!

Oh,

MARQUIS:
Cond is lucky, this banquet would shame a Roman Emperor.

Who is this Vatel? Where does he come from?

Nowhere. The slums of Paris.

He was apprenticed at Eberhardt's, I believe.

Eberhardt's? On the Ile Saint Louis?

My mother swore by Eberhardt's.

So did your father, I believe,

although I don't think he went there for the pastries.

Vatel! I was just telling the Duchess here...

about your boyhood days in the brothels of the Ile Saint Louis.

It's quite true.

No one knows more about the brothels of the Ile Saint Louis...

than the Marquis de Lauzun.

Oh, ho ho.

Ha ha ha ha.

I think he's just insulted you, but it's hard to tell.

That's a rare gift.

If you punish him for it, I'll tell everyone your favorite perversion.

Oh, but Duchesse, you will be the last to know.

Monsieur, you let us taste flavors one shall never forget.

As a rule I don't allow the King to be served vinegar.

It makes him irritable,

particularly around his anus.

Fetch Bourdelot!

From India?

How beautiful, ingenious.

I have learned something today, which is rare.

- I need something...

- Are you in pain?

No, I'm in the grip of some anxiety.

Ha ha. Anxiety? I have nothing for anxiety. I am a doctor.

MONSIEUR:
Vatel.

GO, go, go, go!

Vatel.

MONSIEUR:
And now... For you!

And one and two and three and four, and more and more.

I am the Steward of the Fish.

MONSIEUR:
They tell me these carp are called love-carp.

Can you tell us why?

Yes, why? Tell us, tell us why?

They have thick lips for kissing the stone banks.

We raise them to keep down the weeds.

Weedy weedy weed! Ha ha ha!

Gourville gave me your message.

You understand me like none of my friends understand me.

I hope you find your perfection.

I know I'm looking in the wrong place,

but when I despair...

I shall remember there was a man who looked into my soul.

MAN:
In the water with you.

Sport... I demand there shall be a race...

MAN:
Uh-oh.

MONSIEUR:
between... Effiat...

- Yes!

- and the carp!

- Effiat, now!

- In!

It's clouding over.

I'm worried about the salvoes from up here.

There's a lot of humidity coming up off the canal.

It may even rain.

It wouldn't dare. He's not called the Sun King for nothing.

Bravo, sir, but save your voice for the King.

His ear, as we know, is perfect,

as of course, is his nose, his navel and his big toe.

Monsieur.

Monsieur Vatel, they are ready.

Monsieur Vatel, the horses are ready.

Come on.

What a wonderful spectacle.

Cond, who is responsible for these marvels?

My Steward, your Majesty.

And what is his name?

Franois Vatel.

Bring me this Vatel.

I would like to congratulate him.

VATEL:
Sixteen thousand pounds of flares and rockets gone up in smoke...

to kill a groom.

Monsieur, the King wishes to speak to you.

Not now, please.

Does he think all this happens by itself?

I want everything cleared up by dawn. Understand?

- Is it Friday already?

- Yes, nearly.

I must send Demaury to look out for the fish.

The roads are bad.

- VATEL:
Demaury, Jean-Marie Benoud is dead.

- DEMAURY:
Demaury: I know.

VATEL:
You must tell his family.

DEMAURY:
I've sent a messenger to tell them.

Monsieur, the Queen is asking for crystalized fruits.

VATEL:
Well, get some!

For her Majesty.

Her Majesty.

MONSIEUR:
Lauzun! Don't go away, Lauzun.

The King has called for Vatel.

He's refused to come. He claims he's too busy.

Do you know the story of...

the Marquis de Cufevent?

Everybody does, Monsieur.

Tell it to me, clear Lauzun.

Yes. Tell us, tell it, Lauzun.

It seems, as the Marquis bowed for the King,

he let out a tremendous fart...

And so his Majesty made him Master of the King's Music.

And what moral do you see in that story, Lauzun?

That if you don't give a fart for music,

you'll never rise at Court.

Monsieur.

MONSIEUR:
Lauzun.

MONSIEUR:
I'll... pass his message on to the King.

Monsieur.

GUARD:
Halt!

- What is your business?

- The King's business!

Envoys from Holland!

Let me go. Let me pass.

The black queen loses, Colbert.

LOUIS:
I am only trying to help.

COLBERT:
Your Majesty, my hand needs all the help it can get.

LOUIS:
If Colbert loses, he won't be able to pay our workmen at Versailles.

Monsieur, are you alright?

LOUIS:
Well, Monsieur, don't deal in the black queen.

LOUIS:
How many orange trees do we have, Colbert?

COLBERT:
One thousand, your Majesty.

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