Venus Page #5

-Come on!

-What is this, catheters at dawn?

-Oh, shut up.

I'm going to have to bar

you two troublemakers.

-IAN:
He started it!

-I did not!

-Yes!

-Out! I want you out! Out of here! Out!

MAURICE:
AII right, I'm going.

Don't worry, I'm going.

-IAN:
Get out of here! Get out!

-Out!

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Hiya.

Can we come in?

Go on, ask him.

Maurice?

Do you want to go for a Iittle walk?

Exercise is good for some people,

I've heard.

(MAURICE MUTTERING)

(PEOPLE TALKING)

(PEOPLE LAUGHING)

(PEOPLE CHEERING)

(HORSE NEIGHING)

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

MAURICE:

...barbarous, most degenerate...

"To be or not to be,

that is the question."

No! No! Out!

Out! Out!

-Out! Out!

-AII right, mate!

I ain't finished yet.

AII right, keep your hair on!

Keep your hair on, mate.

You invited us in, old man.

Come on, Iet's go.

And you are a dirty, dirty, old man.

And you are on your way.

-BOY:
Oh, no, not the stick!

-Stop it!

I'm really frightened, Granddad.

Come on! Just Ieave the f***ing door!

Come on. Stop f***ing pissing...

-My f***ing head is f***ing hurting!

-Come on, then!

BOY:
What's your f***ing problem?

JESSIE:
You stupid bastard,

what have you done?

JESSIE:
Maurice!

Maurice!

Maurice! Open the door, Maurice!

(JESSIE SOBBING)

Are you responsible for this?

Hmm?

Apparently there was an intruder,

though there's no sign of forced entry.

-He was knocked down.

-Who was it?

POLICEMAN:
Well,

I did ask for a description

and all he could say was,

"He was damned ugly".

He's a white male, in his early 70s.

-Romeo, Uniform, Sierra, Sierra...

-Well, you have to take him in.

If the worst comes to the worst,

tomorrow morning will be all right.

He can't stay here alone.

I'II phone you back.

Hi.

I'm having some trouble getting a bed.

He needs someone with him.

-Are you...

-No, of course not.

I could die at any moment myself.

I've got high blood pressure.

I've got chronic anxiety,

burning indigestion.

Yeah, okay. Right.

MAURICE:
Venus.

Venus.

Who the hell is Venus?

I am.

He wants to see you.

He's asked if you'II Iook after him.

Her?

Yes.

I'm sorry.

PIease, forgive me.

Let it go, Maurice.

I'II do anything.

PIease.

I'II never be mean again.

Sorry.

JESSIE:
I'm sorry.

Maurice?

Maurice?

Can you hear me?

Make a sign.

Maurice?

Look, Maurice.

"Weary with toil, I haste me to my bed,

"The dear repose

for Iimbs with travel tired,

"But then begins a journey

in my head."

What do you want?

Well, they're coming

to take you to hospital now.

But I've got you.

-Maurice.

-I have got a much better idea.

Have you?

(JESSIE GIGGLING)

I knew you would enjoy yourself.

I think we should go home now.

A Iittle Ionger.

JESSIE:
Are you tired?

MAURICE:
Oh, yes.

-What shall we do?

-Carry on.

JESSIE:
Yeah.

Will you take off my boots?

-It's too cold, Maurice.

-I know. I know.

It was always bloody cold.

Will you?

Yeah.

(MAURICE LAUGHING)

Now

we can really talk.

Yeah.

(SNORING)

Maurice?

Maurice?

Maurice?

Maurice?

No, Maurice.

Maurice?

Maurice, wake up!

Wake up, Maurice.

JESSIE:
Excuse me, excuse me.

I need to use your phone.

I think he's dead. I think he's dead.

I need to use your phone, please.

I need to use your phone.

PIease? PIease,

I need you to call an ambulance.

I don't know what to do.

I think he's dead. I think he's dead.

I don't know what to do.

-So it was you.

-What?

I'm his wife.

He was thinking about someone

and it was you.

Don't feel awkward. Ian told me.

Ian still won't talk to me.

He thinks I did for Maurice,

the paddling and stuff.

The paddling was marvelous,

the best way to go.

He really were a celebrity.

When you die,

everyone wants to be your friend.

What are you going to do?

I'm not going home.

I can't go back now.

And Ian won't have me in the house.

I've got somewhere

you could stay for a bit.

WAITRESS:
Here we go.

Where's your friend?

God, he was gorgeous.

Yes, he was gorgeous.

She wants to return these.

Say thank you.

She wants to know

if you're still angry with her.

She says she's sorry.

Tell her I'm not angry now.

I just wasn't ready

for someone Iike her.

He says he's not angry...

She says she'II come round tomorrow,

if you want.

She'II cook you some fish.

Tell her

we can cook the fish

together.

Are you sure

you don't want to come in?

-No, no.

-AII right, see you then.

How many columns did he get?

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