Veronica Mars Page #2

Hi.

Mars Investigations.

Sorry, he's unavailable.

Can I take a message?

Hang in there, Mr. Millet. I should

know something in a few days.

Uh, yes, we will take pictures...

but I'm afraid "shooting the son of a b*tch"

is not a service that we currently offer.

All right, bye.

You buckled.

Oh, the magnetic pull of

Neptune High brought you back.

- Heh.

- Oh, you've got spirit, yes, you do.

Actually...

No.

- Logan. Of course.

- I'm just helping him find a lawyer.

Mm-hm.

Oh, Piz says to tell you hi.

Good man, Piz.

How'd he feel about you

coming out here to see Logan?

It's not a social call.

He understands that.

Mm-hm.

He does.

What's going on here?

Stop and frisk. Some developer

bought up all this...

now our local police are

running off the undesirables.

It's the Neptune way.

Protecting and serving

the highest bidder.

So this new Sheriff Lamb...

- ... he as big of a clown as

his little brother? - Bigger.

Lazy and barely competent like

his brother. More venal and corrupt.

Well, if it isn't the man, the myth, the

legendary pain-in-the-ass Keith Mars.

Deputy.

You catch any husbands lately

with their pants down?

You should get a slide projector

and bring it down to the station.

We'd love to see your

dirty-picture collection.

Well, you boys are so busy cleaning up

the town, how will you find the time?

What'd you get those two crime lords for?

Embezzlement? Human trafficking?

Don't know yet. But I'm sure

we'll figure something out.

I guess you probably let a lot

of things slide on your watch.

Those days are gone now.

You know what happens when you

mess with the bull, right?

You get the clichs?

Lyles!

Look what we got here!

Couple of taggers.

I'm painting my

sister's bike, b*tch.

B*tch?

Who you calling a b*tch?

You want some more juice, boy?

You move one more inch, I will light

you up like a Christmas tree.

Deputy.

Unless you wanna be a YouTube star by

tomorrow morning, let those boys go now.

Or I can shove that phone

right up your ass.

Well, we've seen how

tough you are with boys.

Maybe this is the day you find out

how you do with a full-grown man.

Would you look at that?

Already uploaded to the Cloud.

Well...

I think these boys have

learned a valuable lesson.

Guess we can shut it

down for the night.

Let's go.

You realize you'll make

more in your first year...

- ... than I did in the best

years of my life? - So?

So? You're destined for greatness.

Something much bigger than you

would have ever found here.

The only greatness...

inherent in these jobs

I'm interviewing for...

is the fact that they'll allow

me to pay off my student loans.

- Candygram for Mongo.

- Mongo like candy.

Hey, welcome home. Welcome home.

Mac, Wallace. You hardly

drop by at all anymore.

Hi.

- Wallace.

- Mr. Mars.

How's next year's

freshman class looking?

Words you never wanna hear

out of your dad's mouth.

- His team.

- Whatever, perv.

I've been promoted to JV

coach for next year...

so now I'm just waiting for

Coach McDonald to die.

Well, good luck with that. And, Mac,

you still with Sun Microsystems?

Actually...

Go ahead and tell them

what you been up to now.

The shame. Ooh, the shame.

Hooters waitress?

Ren-Faire juggler?

- Telemarketing.

- Hooters bar back!

- Clubbing baby seals.

- Heh.

Worse. I actually took a

job with Kane Software.

I know. I hate it. I do. I wish

I was clubbing baby seals...

but they just pay me so well.

$10,000 Pyramid.

"Things a whore says. "

- Bud. Bud Light.

- Ooh. Thank you.

So when Logan said "jump"...

did you actually say "how high"...

or was there an understanding that

you would achieve max verticality?

Wow. Two beers. That's how long

it takes for you to get surly.

In case it slipped your mind, Piz is the

one without the baggage and the drama.

Mm. I will say this for him:

He almost never gets

charged with murder.

- Mm.

- Just one of the things I love about Piz.

No drama.

Says the drama magnet.

You know what else says

a lot about a guy?

- His choice of friends.

- Aw!

What's this? Wait a minute. No.

I specifically told the agency

"an eager-to-please brunette. "

Why is that so hard?

- Dick.

- Ah, just kidding, Ronnie. Long time.

Hey, Logan, that girl who

follows you around is here!

You get some work done?

Your b*obs look bigger.

So do yours. Where's Logan?

Inside. Come on. Freaking out.

Another video from the Logan Echolls-Bonnie

DeVille home collection just hit the Internet.

- Missionary, natch.

- Heh.

Must be nice, Dick.

Be it ever so humble.

God, how did they get this?

Is anybody else surprised that I'm the only one

in this room who does not have a sex tape?

- It could be anybody.

- It's us.

- You see us when we enter the room.

- Yeah. Worst cameraman ever.

Dumb question, but I have to ask:

Did you know you were being filmed?

Oh, that's right, we were shooting

some of our usual leg erotica.

Oh, that's gotta be

our first lawyer.

All right, then, allow me.

This footage looks like it was taken from a

tripod and it's just a couple feet from the bed.

Come on in, sir.

Carrie wouldn't be the first celebrity

who thought a sex tape might help...

- It wasn't her.

- JC Borden, Esq.

The "JC" is for "Jesus Cristo,

get a load of my Rolex. "

All right. I'm gonna be out making

the Pacific Ocean my b*tch.

No murders or forbidden

love while I'm gone, okay?

And, uh, hey, stay out of the brownies

unless you wanna go on a long, strange trip.

A little free advice?

A murder suspect should avoid

proximity to narcotics.

Medicine, man. I got my card.

"Chronic depression. "

You wouldn't think, huh?

Mm. I can feel my self-worth

coming back right now.

So you've met my associate, Dick.

Okay, facts, they're

important, yes.

Lucky for us, they're not

the end-all, be-all.

This case is about so much more.

Son of a movie star accused of

electrocuting his pop star girlfriend?

It will be a circus.

And it will be won or lost in

the court of public opinion.

We've got a story to sell here.

Dad murders your girlfriend.

Mom jumps off a bridge.

Most kids, they're gonna

fold tent. But not you.

You sign up to fly jets over

Afghanistan for your country.

I say you're a goddamn hero.

Some people see that viral

video and they say:

"Oh, he's violent. He's unhinged. "

I see it, and I see Jesus throwing

the money lenders out of the temple.

Hire me. I promise you...

we will find at least one person

on that jury who sees it the same.

Who's in charge of

your social media?

- Thank you. Good night.

- Good night.

I'm guessing you lawyers have

to take lots of showers.

Hmm.

My advice?

Go with Jackson Frederick.

He's smart, direct. Kind of face I

don't think you'll want to punch.

Well, he did an admirable job of looking

like he cared if I did it or not.

Although our last contestant

did say something interesting.

She has a stylist in Malibu

who's a miracle worker?

Part of clearing you will be finding

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