Vice Versa Page #6

That made money.

We would've made more

if we thought bigger.

Would've made more

if we'd thought bigger.

- This concept is far more imaginative.

- This concept is far more imaginative.

We're taking in textiles,

ceramics, sportswear...

...travel, rugs.

It's the size of this thing

that make me nervous, sir.

Yes. If the people of Bedford Park

find the Orient too exotic...

...we'll end up with a warehouse...

...full of kimonos and ginger jars.

- A**hole!

- Don't say that!

- I don't know.

There won't be room in the warehouse,

Larry. It'll be full of recalled moose?

- What's this?

- Yeah, you never told me about this!

- There wasrt time. Okay?

- Wasrt time for what?

- To tell you about it, sir.

- Tell me what?

Our purchase-with-purchase

Jingle Bell Moose, sir.

A few of them were defective

and Marshall recalled 100,000.

Were you deranged?

Kids were getting ripped off. It just

seemed like the right thing to do.

- Don't make a sound.

- There's no need for physical violence.

- Don't make a sound.

- I won't. I'm not a moron.

Would I feel easier

if this high-flying China Seas concept...

...were in the hands of someone

less impulsive?

Would you like me

to clarify the question?

Well, see...

...I don't know how you feel.

I only know that the man you're

looking at cares a lot about this job.

He works real hard at it.

He works on weekends,

he works at nights.

Sometimes he doesn't even

get enough time to see his kid...

...people he cares about.

Now you say if his idea doesn't work,

he's gonna get fired?

Well, that sucks!

That's treating him

like some kind of yin-yang.

Well, if it's a yin-yang you want

for this job...

...you got three much better guys

to choose from.

Dad?

Dad!

Now, I don't want you to get upset,

and I don't want you to panic.

- The thing is, I've been kidnapped.

- What do you mean, kidnapped?!

- Where are you? Who did it?

- Stop that.

What did I just ask you not to do?

Now, listen carefully and just make

a note of everything this person says.

- Now, listen up.

- Have you done this before?

I need the skull.

- Mister...

- Seymour.

- Seymour. It's not here.

- It's not here?

I told you I wished

to show it to someone.

Look, you don't know

how really intense this is.

Not to worry,

I have his address here.

Somewhere.

Address, address, address...

Come closer, young man.

I need the skull, sir.

I'm totally desperate.

Come. Sit down.

Sorry.

Look, if you're so desperate for money,

let me make you an offer.

I have a little set aside:

Savings, bonds, T-bills.

In your piggy bank?

For God's sake, will you stop

treating me like a child.

The skull made me a child.

It has magical powers.

I am not me, and my father is not him.

My father is me, and I am my father.

Yes, yes. And we are the world.

Turkey or chicken salad?

Okay.

So how do I know you were

in the Oriental Palace in Bangkok?

You took a Polaroid of me

and my girlfriend.

You were wearing a cheap linen suit

with soy sauce on the lapel.

Hey, get off the line, you pervert!

It's me! I just made it.

All right. Okay. Now...

...here's what you do.

There's been some very weird stuff

he's been telling me you should know.

We should talk.

Talk? You wanna talk now?

He says he's a father.

Horny little bastard.

Dad!

- You got it?

- Yeah.

Wait! Where's my dad?

- I got it!

- Are you sure?

Dad! Dad, are you okay?

Did you look? Did you check?

Put me down! They're going

to the train station. We gotta go!

Let's go! I saw their tickets.

New York, 3:
00, track 12.

- Taxi!

- Forget it. We've only got 12 minutes.

- Officer! This old lady's being mugged!

- Where?

- Up on the platform.

- Thanks, kid.

- We can't!

- Charlie, we have no choice.

- I can't drive it.

- I can.

You better wear it, Dad.

Dad!

Dad!

I'm telling you, the kid says

it has magical powers.

I believe it.

It's going to make us rich.

What the hell was that?

Heading west on Harrison in pursuit

of a midget on one of our bikes.

The same kind of trains here, okay?

Don't worry about it.

Did you hear what the man said?

- Look, "To all trains." What did I say?

- We're not gonna make it.

Hang on!

- You all right?

- Yeah.

Where you going, Dad? Wrong way!

Turn it, Dad! They're there!

Calhoun, Chicago Vice!

Way to go!

All right!

Dad, you're a totally intense dude.

Thank you, Charlie.

That's the nicest thing

you ever said to me.

I couldn't. I feel sick.

- Lf we'd have been caught...

- We werert.

We'd be looking at 25 years.

Life.

Oh, boy. With this,

we can afford to go legit.

Just as well,

your nerves are shot to sh*t.

My whole digestive system.

- It's me who's been taking all the risks.

- Excuse me?

- Oh, sorry.

- Excuse me.

Dad, knock.

Think you got a rough deal

traveling around the East?

Don't tell me

you don't have girls there.

You'd trade all that for a New York

winter on 34th Street?

New York? I wish!

Sorry.

I tried to warn you.

Come on, let's go. Let's go!

Run! Go!

It happens to the best of families.

Don't worry about it.

Dad, what are we gonna do?

If we tell them the truth,

we end up in straitjackets.

We don't. We take the rap.

I have a great lawyer.

Your defense is "executive burnout."

Please, don't cry. Here.

No.

What about those people?

Those people that kidnapped you?

Think about it.

Oh, yeah.

I guess they got theirs.

Cliff!

Hi, Marshall.

You're lucky I was home

when they called the house.

Listen, your mom

doesn't know anything about this.

I told her I'd pick you up after school,

we went to see a movie.

- Thanks, Cliff.

- Thanks, Cliff.

Yeah, well...

...I don't wanna give her

any more grief.

Marshall, come here.

Marshall, I don't know

what to say to you.

Pull it together.

I know you don't get a chance

to see much of your kid...

...but I think today

maybe you overcompensated.

- Yes, Cliff.

- Yes, Cliff.

Anyway, you're free to go

on your own recognizance.

I know the captain.

He knocked the counts down to seven.

- Thanks a lot, Cliff.

- Thanks a lot, Cliff.

Yeah. Let's go home.

Oh, you better take that.

Sam!

I got your message, Marshall.

What happened to you?

Where have you been?

I had to do some stuff.

What happened at the meeting

after I left?

Well, I'll have to tell you, it was a little

tense in there for about 30 seconds.

Finally, Avery says:

"Unless the yin-yangs

have objections...

...I think we should let Marshall

run with this sucker."

Does that mean I still have a job?

That's great, Sam.

Let's celebrate.

No! There's something you

gotta do for me, Sam.

Take me over to Charlie's real quick.

- Why?

- I got a Christmas present for him.

You and Charlie have gotten

much closer, haven't you?

We need each other.

Marshall, you do know

I'm going home for Christmas.

Do you want to come?

The apartment's gonna

seem pretty lonely.

- Especially with Charlie gone.

- Yeah, it's real lonely.

I've been thinking about that.

I don't think it's right

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