Victor Crowley Page #6

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Those were song lyrics.

- Good night moon

is a children's book,

not a song.

And it didn't even

make any sense.

"Good night kittens

and good night mittens,

I miss you, Sabrina."

What?!

- Fix your wig.

- Ahh!

- Okay look.

We've got two options:

Wait here to die and watch Casey

drown under our own weight...

- Ah, no.

- Or Dillon and i

make a run for his boat.

We'll call for help,

come back with the boat,

pick everyone up.

You do have a radio

on your boat, right?

- Yeah, but...

- I'll do it. I'll do it.

Let me go.

- What?

Austin, no!

I'm fast, case.

I ran track in high school.

- I hate to break it to you

but high school was

a long time ago for you!

- Alright, yeah, I put on

a few pounds. So what?

- I've seen men

try and run out

after they knocked up

their on set hookup

but this is some

next level sh*t.

- I'll pretend there's some

free donuts out there, alright.

I can make it.

- Austin, please!

- I wanna save you, case.

- Please, Austin,

just stay here.

- Hey, Austin,

you don't know where

the boat is buddy, alright.

He does.

- She's still breathing.

Chloe, she's still alive!

- It's a trap.

- She's still alive.

- He's using her as bait

to get us out of the plane.

- We can't leave her

out there.

- He wants us

to open the door.

Stop!

You're gonna get yourself

killed and all of us with you.

- She's my best friend.

- I'll do it.

- What?

- I'll go get her.

Sh*t.

- What are you doing?

- Looking for something

to fight back with

when hatchet face

shows up again.

- No, I mean what are

you doing... I'll go.

- I got this, okay?

Just promise me one thing.

- What?

- When I get back,

i get a kiss.

Just one kiss.

In case we don't

live through this.

- Are you f***ing kidding?

- No-

hey, you are the most

beautiful thing I've ever seen.

My heart's been pounding

since the moment

i laid eyes on you.

One kiss when we get back.

- Save my best friend

and I'll f***ing marry you

when you get back.

How about that?

- F***ing white guy hero night

up in this b*tch.

- I'm gonna hold you to that.

And I don't care

that you have a dick.

- I don't... have a dick.

It's a thing from earlier.

What was that?

- Huh?

- Tell me that was you.

Oh my god!

- Stop! Stop! Stop!

- Stop! Stop!

It's just a water snake,

it's not gonna hurt anybody!

- I can't die in here!

- Hey, hey, hey!

- Kathleen! No!

- Hey!

What are you doing?!

- Oh, sh*t!

Oh my god!

Those are his brains!

- Oh god.

What are you doing?

- He's coming!

He's coming! Run!

- 911, what's your emergency?

Ma'am, what is your location?

Fihud]

- Ma 'am, I'm afraid

you're breaking up.

- Ahh!

- Ew.

What's going on?

Austin!

Oh, thank god.

Please don't leave me.

I don't wanna drown!

Please, Austin.

Austin, please

don't let me drown.

Don't leave me.

- You bastard!

No!

- Everybody hold on!

- What?

- Everybody hold on!

F*** you!

- He's on the roof!

He's on the roof!

We're sinking!

- Ahh!

Ahh!

No!

No!

No!

'Zzz

I tried.

- It's bullshit.

I survived this thing

ten years ago

and I'm right back here again.

Only this time,

I'm not gettin' out.

This is f***ing bullshit.

- Why did you

come back anyway?

- Because even I'm too stupid

to say no to a million bucks.

- I'm sorry.

What?

A million dollars for what?

Not for this?

- Yes, for this.

Kathleen said

i as getting a mil.

- Ohh.

Oh, I hate to break it

to you, buddy,

but there was no way in hell

you were getting

a million dollars.

- That was the deal.

- Oh, you dumb,

stupid man.

Maybe that's what your walking

pharmacist of a publicist

told you before she

straight up fisted herself

but you were getting

twenty five grand

and that's before taxes

and commissions.

- Wait. What?

- We have interviewed

holocaust survivors.

We have spoken

with firefighters

that were inside the

world trade center

on September 11th

and you think that you,

Andrew yong,

a f***ing nobody,

self-important piece of sh*t,

are worth a million dollars

just for telling

the same damn story

you've been tryin'

to cash in on for what,

a decade now?

You're not a hero.

You're just a pathetic little

man who turned a profit

on other people's deaths.

Oh, oh, wait.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I forgot to mention failed,

wanna be musician.

Isn't that right, Andrew?

Oh, oh, holdup.

Y'all never heard of

the band haddonfield?

Glam metal sucked

in the eighties

and it sucks now, Andrew.

And after tonight,

you'll still be nothing

more than a number

in a news story's body count.

No one will even

care about you

or ever love you,

Andrew f***ing yong.

- Ex-wife.

- It must be really hard

to be a talk show host.

To build a career

out of talking to people

who actually have interesting

experiences to share.

To know that in just

a year or two,

a younger, prettier version of

you's going to take your spot.

To have no skill

other than being pretty

and being able to read words

that other people wrote

off of a teleprompter.

Congrats on your

amazing achievement

of being born pretty.

- I will have you know--

- eat my a**hole,

discount Oprah.

I'd look under my seat

to see what wonderful gift

your producers left

there for all of us

but I think I've seen enough

dead bodies for tonight.

- Yeah.

Thank you.

- No, f*** you, too.

The only worthwhile thing

you've ever done

is when you signed

that guy's cock

at the bookstore

earlier today.

- Ah, I didn't sign it.

- You've made a living

cashing in on people's death.

You're just a raging

sloppy garlic c*nt.

And I'm here because

i was helping my friend

make a b-slasher movie

about a real life tragedy

where real people

got massacred

so I'm no better

than any of you.

Maybe we're all getting

what we deserve.

- I, I, I didn't do

anything bad.

- Shut up, Dillon!

- Quiet. Listen.

- What?

- Is he gone?

- Shh.

Hey, hey, come here?

You work these tours, right?

- Obviously.

' Whv tonight?

The swamp has gone

a decade with incident

and it's become this theme park

for all things crowley.

So why's this all

happening again tonight?

- I blame you.

- I don't know.

Maybe he, you know, the ghost

comes back every ten years...

Like the loch ness monster,

or like slender man.

Or, honestly I'm just

making this f***ing sh*t up,

I don't know!

- We did this.

My friends and I.

- Hey, no, don't say that.

- Chloe wanted to film me

saying the voodoo curse

that brought Victor crowley

back way back when...

We couldn't figure out

how to say it

so I pulled up all these

videos on YouTube

that had all these losers

in their mom's basements

saying the curse.

Maybe that's what

brought him back. I--

- maybe YouTube brought Victor

crowley back from the dead.

Do you even hear yourself?

- I had a YouTube channel.

If anybody's interested.

It's called

"chillin' with Dillon".

I've got 86 subscribers.

Well, 85 now.

Hey, what if Victor crowley

comes back every ten years?

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