View From The Top Page #5

Hey, you could help me out

with that.

I'm not a lawyer.

Well, you're gonna be.

You think so, huh?

Mm-hmm.

How is it that

you believe in me so much?

-Somebody's got to.

-[ Chuckles ]

Check out 3B.

Isn't he cute?

Aside from the headphone hair.

When I asked him to put his tray

in its upright position,

he said, "That too?"

I mean, hello.

And those arms.

My God.

He's like something

out of "Men's Health."

Well, I'll root for you

even though it's against policy.

You rat me out and I'll stop

letting you do my paperwork.

All I want is a little

of what you've got with Ted.

Oh, God.

He is great.

Did I tell you he wants me to

meet his family for Christmas?

And that's bad news why?

For me, anything that ever

has to do with family

is always bad news.

Please.

Don't make me cry.

The thing is, Randy,

I've always been this girl

from Silver Springs

that everybody's said,

"You're never gonna do anything,

never gonna get out of here."

I just worry that

if I fall in love with Ted,

what's gonna happen

to everything I've worked

so hard for?

Okay. Fine.

Don't fall in love with him.

That's kind of why

I'm having the problem.

It just takes willpower.

You didn't fall in love

with me, did you?

You're gay.

But it still took willpower,

didn't it?

Thanks, Donna.

MR. STEWART:

Come over here, Justin.

Okay. Who's next?

TED:
Grandma!

-It's from me and Ted.

-What?

[ Shouting ]

She can't hear very well!

It's from Donna and me!

Thank you, dear.

What is it?

It's an all-in-one

remote control!

Now you don't have to fuss

with all those gadgets anymore!

Thank you, dear.

Oh, Merry Christmas, Ted.

Thank you, Donna.

Now it's your turn.

You said we weren't

gonna do presents.

Just open it.

He said we weren't

gonna do presents.

TED:

I said that.

-Oh, my God.

-What do you think?

-You like it?

-It's so beautiful.

It has two time zones.

If a passenger asks you

what time it is,

you can think about me.

[ Laughs ]

I love it.

MR. STEWART:

She's a great gal.

I think so.

Oh, you're not out

of the woods yet, Donna.

You got one more present.

-From all of us.

-[ Laughter ]

It's the annual

Stewart family uniform!

[ Laughter ]

I got you a medium.

-I hope you like it baggy.

-Thank you.

Time for the team photo!

Everybody get over by Grandma.

-Come on, Donna.

-Jensen, get in here.

It's a family picture.

Oh, no, Donna.

Don't be shy.

Come on, Donna.

-It's flashing.

-Quick!

TED:

Quick. Smile.

ALL:
Cheese.

Well, you survived your first

Stewart family Christmas.

It was good.

I never knew a family

could be like that.

No fighting.

No yelling.

Normally, that "everyone

dressing the same" thing

would kind of freak me out.

But I even like

that dorky red sweater.

Is that all that's going on

in that head of yours?

I'm just not used to all that,

you know?

Dan.

Hi, Donna.

How's life treating you?

All right. I want to get

a confirmation for tomorrow.

Sure.

[ Typing ]

We got you going to Pittsburgh

on flight 285 at 0800.

Any chance of that Dallas route

opening up?

Let me have a look.

Sorry.

Nothing yet.

All right.

Well, thank you.

Have a good trip, Donna.

Oh, my God.

Christine?

Donna!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

What are you doing

in Cleveland?

My New York-L.A. flight had

mechanical problems,

so they dumped us here

for the night.

Oh, right.

God.

Look at your hair.

Oh, yeah, I know.

I'm going for

a more classic look.

Goes better with Chanel.

Right.

I have the sweetest little

apartment on West 73rd Street.

Oh, you would be

so proud of me.

You know what, Ted?

If it wasn't for Donna,

I would've never made it

through basic training.

Oh, now,

that's not really true.

It is.

Actually, just last week,

I was thinking about

how well you trained me.

I was on the New York-to-Chicago

flight, right?

This guy gets on.

He has this huge musical case.

He's trying to stuff it

into the overhead compartment.

Clearly the thing is too big.

He refuses to check it.

So I thought, "What would

Donna do right now?"

So I politely said to him,

"Either you check it

or you deplane."

That's not what I would do.

What do you mean?

Well, you must,

as a flight attendant,

offer the option of buying

another seat at half price

for that oversized item.

It's section 23.4

of the manual.

Well, I can't remember

everything.

[ Laughs ]

But you should've

remembered that one.

It was the last question

on our exam.

Say, Christine, do you have

any of those little wings?

My nephew's been begging me

for some.

They don't have them

on express.

Let me look.

Let's see

what we've got in here.

Whoa.

[ Clears throat ]

Oh, I love these.

Love it, love it.

I have so much garbage in here.

Ah. Here we go.

Future pilot.

Thank you.

Enjoy.

There.

We could do shots

if you want to.

Let's do shots.

Want to?

SALLY:
Paris.

First-class international.

Paris.

First-class international.

[ Airplane engines roaring ]

I think I'm doing very well

at express.

But I just can't

stop thinking there was

some kind of mix-up

with my test.

Some kind

of computer malfunction.

Those things mess up.

They lose luggage or send bags

to the wrong city.

I'm afraid that's impossible.

The tests are hand-graded.

Oh, right.

I forgot about that.

I'm sorry.

I'm sure there's nothing

you can do anyway.

Who says

there is nothing I can do?

I am Sally Weston.

I invented this.

Before me, they just pointed.

True story.

Wow.

I did speak to John.

I asked him

if I could see my test.

I begged him.

He said no.

I asked him if you could see

the test, and he said no.

Don't you worry about John.

Did you see me on "Oprah"?

I scared the hell out of that

little wiener Dr. Phil.

It's test 1047.

Hello.

It's Sally Weston.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

What is it, Donna?

This isn't my test.

It's my number.

It's number 1047.

But it isn't mine.

Look at those little hearts.

Time's up.

Pencils down. Books closed.

Remember to write

your identification number

on the front of the exam booklet

and pass it forward.

So, how'd you do?

New York, here I come.

I can't believe it.

I trusted her.

She was my best friend.

Oh, my God.

These answers.

No wonder we sent you

to express.

We were being nice.

I can't believe

she'd steal my test!

Wait a minute.

That night I had you kids

over for dinner,

someone took my airplane soaps.

Oh, my God.

She is probably

stealing us blind.

Hell, I'll bet she's got

a whole closetful

of airline property.

Headsets. Booze.

Kosher meals.

There's two things

we've got to do.

We got to get you retested.

There's a group next week.

If you do as well as I think,

we can reassign you right away.

How soon can you leave

Cleveland?

I'd just have to talk to Ted.

Who's Ted?

This really great guy

that I'm seeing.

Oh.

Well, I'm afraid you've got

a decision to make.

Yeah.

Well, what would you do?

Well, I know what I did.

And so do you,

if you read my book.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes