Vinyl

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Thank you!

One, two, three, four!

Oi.

Where the f*** have you been?

Johnny boy, have you got me rent?

Yeah, yeah, Mrs.

O'Malley. I got it.

It's paradise, isn't it?

Hey, did you remember to tell Mrs.

O'Malley about the leaking gas canisters?

- Here you go, Mrs. O.

- Thanks.

- No, I forgot.

- Well, don't forget, babe.

I can't bring up a child

in these conditions.

But you're not even pregnant yet.

God.

Some flyers from the first gig.

With Thrasher and the Buzzcocks.

The good old, bad old days.

And I'm all washed up.

I've got to get that.

Leave it. Just leave it.

- Might be important.

- Johnny, leave it.

Keith Moon, Sid

Vicious, now Thrasher.

Drugs go with genius.

He loved drugs.

Yeah, well, now he's dead.

Kev. Kev, it's him.

It's him. It's Bono.

- Who? Where?

- Johnny Jones, Weapons of Happiness.

Who?

We have gathered here today

to share in the loss

of Emrys Upyerwest,

a.k.a. Thrasher.

If anyone asks, I'm doing a movie

soundtrack for Guy Ritchie.

- Right?

- Guy Ritchie. Yeah. Right.

- Look, look, look.

- Yeah.

- Mike Peters.

- What?

- Oh, my God, it is.

- Hey.

Hi!

- Mike!

- Hey, Johnny!

- How you doing, man?

- I'm cool, I'm cool.

- How are you?

- I'm not to bad.

- You're looking good.

- And you. You look great.

- Is this your boy?

- This is Dylan, yeah.

- Say hi to Johnny, mate.

- Hey.

This is Johnny from the

Weapons of Happiness.

We do not come here today

with any glib answers.

We're stunned, we're hurting.

We haven't a clue what's going on.

It's like the Punk

Rock Hall of Fame.

They all turned out for

Thrasher's funeral.

- He wasn't even that famous.

- He loved life.

- I'm more famous than him.

- He loved music.

He loved dogs.

Death is the destiny of everyone...

- All right, Diggle?

- Considering the circumstances.

I hear the Buzzcocks

are on a world tour.

Any chance of a gig?

Are the Weapons of

Happiness back together?

No. And God rest his soul.

I mean, if you need a guitarist,

you know, in the Buzzcocks...

It might be difficult to believe...

- That's bad taste, isn't it, mate?

- ...but the Bible says that it's actually

good for us to come here today.

- I ain't seen the Weapons since we split.

- In Ecclesiastes, Chapter 7, Verse 2,

God says this:
"It is better to

go to a house of mourning"...

- Well, they're over there.

- God is saying,

"It is better to come to a

funeral than to a pub."

Look at Robbie... how fat he is.

Griff. He looks like a

rocker with that ponytail.

Ah, there he is.

Minto. He lost all his hair.

Good. That's death for a rock star.

Don't start where you

left off, babes.

Come on. Life's too

short for enemies.

Val!

Oi, tosser! You owe me money.

I owe you nothing, mate.

Got you there.

Bloody hell, Johnny, eh?

You look like a bag of sh*t, mate.

Look at that. Still got

the same boots on.

- They were a good investment.

- All right, mate?

A bit slitty-wristy really.

Mental about Thrasher.

I'd have thought heroin, choking

on his own puke, not angina.

What's he expect?

Didn't look after himself.

- Didn't eat properly.

- So where you living now?

- Back home? London?

- No, I'm here, mate.

- Is Elaine here?

- Yeah.

Two youngest ones are at home.

Now look. Paris and Rio.

Rio and Paris.

What about you, Johnny?

Have you got any kids or what?

No. And do me a favor.

Don't bring up the subject

when Jules is about, eh?

You wanna get a spur on, mate.

It's a well-known fact

that birth defects rocket

after the age of 40.

- That what happened to you?

- Eh?

How old's your kid now,

then, eight, nine?

Well, the oldest one...

No, he's 21.

Bloody hell.

He was two when the band split up.

That was 20 years ago.

Yeah, well, sorry about all that.

It weren't like you split the band up

and then deprived us of our livelihood.

Nothing important

like that, was it?

Frankly, it was the best thing that

ever happened to me in my life.

So how come you never

went back to London?

How come?

'Cause I got a license

to print money, mate.

Here. Look. Look at

that watch, right?

Look at the shirt.

Roberto Cavalli, mate.

- What's that say on there?

- It says "B".

B. B for "Bentley."

That's the car I drive.

Bloody hell.

I've got 17 nursing homes up and

down the coast of North Wales.

- Bloody hell.

- Both kids go to private school.

Very rotten.

What about you, Mint? Are you still

doing the old radio jingles?

No. I'm a photographer,

videographer.

Weddings, birthdays, funerals.

In fact, we're doing

this one over there.

Planet, planet political

Planet, planet political star

Planet, planet political

Typical Thrasher, isn't it?

Not even a sandwich.

I'll tell you what, why don't

we all go back to the Bistro?

Champagne's on me.

Here's to the Bistro and the old

good old, bad old days, oh.

Coming back after all

this time, boys, eh?

Good God, must've spent my

f***ing life in the Rock Box.

Remember that?

Listen, Val said that she

can give us a lift home.

So are you gonna come,

or are you staying here?

- Yeah, think I might shoo.

- Don't think so, Jaws.

He's gonna abandon

one of these for that?

- Jo...

- Stick around for a bit.

- Can we just crash at...

- We'll see.

Don't go to sleep.

- No, I'm talking to Jo.

- Don't get in any trouble, all right?

- See you later.

- Don't listen to him.

- Is that your missus?

- What, Jo? No, she's not my missus. no.

- You dirty bastard.

- What?

What badness, eh?

It's like a castle.

It's a manor house.

Used to belong to Henry VIII.

I think we'll take it to the east

wing so I don't wake the family up.

Come on, Minto.

Welcome to my lair.

- Oh, wow.

- Yeah, have a look up there.

Bring back memories.

Who designed this, Dannii Minogue?

We look a lot younger

there, don't we, eh?

Look at that.

Look at you, you fat,

long-haired hippy bastard.

Oh, man, all that time.

And look at this.

That was that dental

nurse from Durham.

What a bunk up.

Best sex I ever had.

Yeah. Have a look at that.

Nicked from the Bay

City Rollers in 1975.

Oh, that is better than sex, mate.

That is something else.

- Look at that beauty.

- Here. Look.

- That was you.

- Let's have a look.

Grab that one.

It's only got one string.

What's up with you?

- Don't you like the skiffle bass?

- Haven't changed a bit. Look at that.

Right.

Right. Get on the drums.

- Sure, plug in.

- Yeah, let's plug it in.

I'm a bit rusty, though.

Sound like the Tin Man.

That's good sound, isn't it?

Is this your drum kit or your kids?

Yeah.

- What are you playing?

- Three chords.

You can write a great punk

song with three chords.

Wait a minute.

Look, let me record it.

Wait a minute.

You got an 8-track?

No. I just do it on the computer.

I design all my own Web

sites and everything.

I'm a recording engineer now.

Come on. Do that

thing you just did.

Go for your laugh, kick yourself

And do your brains in, do it today

Destroy the system

Smash it all up, lose control

Start a revolution in

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