Vinyl Page #2

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your livin' room now

Johnny, wakey, wakey!

Hands off snakey!

If you want to chunder,

the toilet's down the hall.

I already spewed up

in the ice bucket.

Oh, charming.

That's good. Who is that?

- It's us last night.

- Us?

Yeah, well, I've put a loop

on it and spliced the vocals,

but basically it's us.

- That's us.

- Yeah. It's not perfect,

but it's better than what we

had the first time, mate.

You remember that?

- You finished mixing it yet, Robbie?

- Yeah, I've just finished.

Robbie, you got any Alka-Seltzer?

Yeah. In the kitchen.

It's good, though.

It's very good, it is.

Make us a cup of tea

while you're at it?

- And me.

- Yeah, and me.

I made it last time.

What last time?

Sound Studios 1993.

It's Griff's turn.

Just make the bloody tea!

That is ever...

That's blinding, that is.

That could be a hit.

Wouldn't it be something, back in

the charts after all these years?

Be a bloody miracle,

that's what it would be.

Where's the tea bags?

Next to the All-Bran.

Know what we should do?

Put it out as a single.

Announce to the world, "Weapons

of Happiness are back."

- I'm not back.

- No, I'm too busy.

I've got better things to do.

Better than being in a band?

Better than having a hit single?

Come on, Robbie. Don't tell me you

don't missing being in a band.

I don't miss touring about

in some crappy old van

and living like a refugee.

And we ain't got a recording

contract no more.

When the old label get a load of this,

they'll sign us back up in no time.

Yeah, right. Make sure the money

gets split four ways this time.

Don't want to get screwed over

again like we were last time.

You got 15% on songs

you never wrote.

What other band does that?

U2.

Well, you save Africa from

poverty like Bono did,

and I'll give you 10% more.

I'm not interested, mate.

The band split up years ago.

That was the end of that chapter.

- These are great, these, aren't they?

- I'm gonna get tea.

That's a horrible

bloody cup of tea.

Well, you go down and make it then.

Jules! Jules, I'm back.

God! Johnny!

You got to hear this.

I'm trying to sleep.

Have you only just got in?

Yeah. And I feel brilliant.

I haven't felt this good in years.

Where did you dig that up?

We did that last night.

Last night? It sounds like

one of your early ones.

I know, but better.

This could be a hit.

- Yeah. Probably.

- Probably? No, no, no.

Definitely!

Oh, no. Oh, God, no.

No. You're actually thinking

of doing this, aren't you?

- Yeah. Why not?

- Johnny!

Because we came here for a funeral.

We didn't come back here so you

can get the band back together.

I'm not getting the band back together.

I just want to put out a record.

I've got an appointment

at the fertility clinic.

Look, I want to go down to London.

I'll hop on the train to

the old record company.

- No way! No way!

- We'll be back in Ireland

in a couple days!

Listen, I'm doing

this for both of us.

If this record hits,

right, we'll be rich.

You can have as many

babies as you want.

Can I have that in writing?

- Stuart Conley.

- Who?

- Stuart Conley, head of A&R.

- Nobody by that name works here.

Jim Breen's head of A&R.

Well, tell him Johnny Jones, Weapons

of Happiness, is here to see him.

- Do you have an appointment?

- Listen, mate.

I recorded three gold

albums for this company.

- I don't need an appointment.

- Okay.

Buzzcocks. Yeah, we opened for them

at Eric's in Liverpool

back when we started.

Who?

The Buzzcocks. You like them.

I never heard them.

I just collect vintage T-shirts.

Heard of my band,

Weapons of Happiness?

No, but I've heard of Liverpool.

Johnny, pleased to meet you.

Great to finally meet you.

My dad loves you. He dressed

a bit like you growing up.

- Listen, have you eaten?

- No.

You got a spare half an hour?

Come on. Let's go have this

conversation on down the pub.

Awesome food.

They do a great lunch.

- I don't eat meat.

- Oh, you're a veggie, eh?

Paul McCartney's wife's sausages...

you had them?

- What?

- Linda McCartney's sausages.

Pretty good.

Didn't you guys break up just as

we booked you on a world tour?

Yeah. I was an intern

when it happened.

It rips up a band

when it's going that way.

And here's the good news.

We're back together again.

We're better than ever.

Want to re-sign us?

The major labels are sniffing

about, but we're loyal.

I'd love to sign you.

But you're just not

in our demographic.

I'm just a cog in

the machine, but...

our arena is tweens to twenties.

- The Jammie Dodgers, Bling-bling.

- "Bling-bling"?

We just signed Room

Service up in Newcastle.

They're still at school doing their

A-levels, but they're genius.

- They only wear monochrome.

- Who's the singer?

- Charlie.

- Charlie.

Yeah, he's asked for my songs.

- Which Charlie?

- Singer Charlie.

Charlie's a girl.

Yeah, I know Charlie's a girl.

I'm thinking of another Charlie.

I get confused.

These kids... they ring me up all

the time asking for my material.

Well, in the hands of someone

like Charlie Gautier,

it'd be more of a statement of

ironic anxiety about influence

if she's calling you.

She's a cultural wit.

You need to listen to this.

It's great.

I have no doubts, but our company

doesn't want to sign

anyone over the age of 30.

It's like watching your

parents having sex.

You get your royalty

checks on time?

Not as much as I'd like, but yeah.

I can't wait to tell

my dad I've seen you.

So many happy memories

of growing up.

- I best be off.

- Just listen to this.

Listen, I respect you too

much to waste your time.

Hey, this is Room Service now.

This is Charlie singing.

I found this girl.

Amazing, isn't she?

Gotta get back. Ciao.

What's so good about it?

Doing that years ago.

Pretenders.

You want it that way?

You can have it that way.

You want image?

I'll give you image.

Welcome to my creation.

Blimey! Jonesy!

You still wearing those

boots after 20 years?

- What are you doing here?

- Yeah, well, I was just passing.

I thought I'd drop by, yeah?

No. I'm with Chris.

It's okay. He's with me.

You still making music?

No, no. It's like watching

your parents shag.

I'm a manager now. I've got

this genius band out of Wales.

- Four young kids, yeah?

- It takes five for a successful band.

Five. Yeah.

One of them wants to go to art

college, but I won't let him.

They've got a great look.

Really original, man.

- The Single Shots. Nice name.

- Yeah, great name, mate.

Massive on the Welsh

underground, yeah?

We're selling thousands

of units on our Web site,

and they're still

doing their A-levels.

They've got a kind of...

You know, it's like a primitive,

urban punk vibe, yeah?

And guess who's gone mental for them.

Wants them on their tour.

Hmm? Room Service.

Nice. I'll give them

a listen later.

I better get back onto it now.

Nice to see you.

Thanks for dropping in. Take care.

- This is Chris Knowles...

- Thanks a lot.

on Sound 1, Radio 1, 103,

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