Virginia
A subtitle made possible by R3V0LV3R.
How you feelin', sweetie pie?
Well, my head isn't so hot anymore.
Willie...
I swear to God,
they told me you were a dead man.
I'm right here, honey.
Can we get outta here, Dick?
Please?
You look real nice, Dick.
Let's play a game
while we wait, huh?
Do you know where Em is?
Let's say the game is...
...you can go any place, anytime,
as long as you say it out loud to me.
I don't need
to be playin' that game anymore.
Go ahead.
Sh*t!
Go ahead.
Tell me what went wrong.
All I'll say is...
it wasn't just me.
Everybody I know in town wants out,
but they can't.
Lord knows,
me and Emmett've been tryin'
to move outta here.
Just not like this.
I think I might've f***ed it up, Willie.
I mean, Virginia Beach town is fine
three months out of the year.
But September to May,
it starts getting' cold.
The snow comes.
Anybody with their head
screwed on right
moves the hell outta here
And if you ask me,
things started gettin' real bad
about a year ago.
Back when that TV-show came to town.
All their cameras,
microphones, whatever.
Sheriff, can you give us your take
on what happened here tonight?
I believe we need to make examples out
of each and every one of these criminals.
Where's the groceries?
I forgot our list.
On a state level, as well.
That's why I'm running for a seat
on this great state's Senate in November.
- Well, good luck to you, Sheriff.
- Thank you.
So what we have here tonight
is a classic example...
Got it all figured out?
All taken care of.
Yes.
Yeah, I see them lookin' at me.
I know it.
I hear you loud and clear.
How 'bout I take these with me, then,
and I'll wash you and you and you later?
Okay.
- All right, so we did this.
- Mm-hmm.
Hmm.
Our Heavenly Father,
thank you for guiding my words and actions
Forgiving me this time with Virginia.
And, most of all, for keeping us safe
from worldly harm.
In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
Amen.
So...
If you do a good job in this life,
then you get a planet of your own
when you die, right?
Yes.
Just like our Heavenly Father did
before he made us.
Right. And he had wives...
...in heaven?
So... will I be there with you?
Of course, we'll all be there, together.
And who's the boss?
- You?
- You bet.
Well, then, do you have to use
the same colours for things on this planet,
or do you get to pick your own?
I bet we get to make
some choices of our own.
Then we should make people
more colourful.
Like have blue ones,
and red.
And there are colours
we ain't even thought of.
That could be your job.
He keeps on his special,
prayed-on Mormon underwear
when we do it,
'cause Mormon underwear
have special powers
to protect folks
from bullets and demons...
...and probably for him,
to keep women who sleep
quiet and not pregnant.
It's been goin' on
ever since she was 16,
when he gave her a ride
back to her foster home
after she tried burnin' down her school,
not long before she had me.
My birth certificate's all blank
in the "Father" spot.
So when I was three,
she told me my dad was this NASCAR driver
that had come through town.
You see, you let your kid
go tellin' everybody
that his daddy
just won the Daytona 500.
I only had one friend left.
And he's a haemophiliac,
professional babysitter.
Come here. Let me look.
Easy. Easy now.
I think it stopped.
Yeah, you sure about that?
And the only girl
that'd give either of us the time of day
was a girl named Jessie.
You know, she has her dad's lips,
which on him don't quite fit.
But, on her,
make the most beautiful mouth
I'll ever see.
But we weren't allowed
anywhere near each other.
Genetics is one
of our most powerful sciences.
And then,
sophomore year Bio 1 started.
Got everything goin'
in a different direction real quick.
And it can tell you
with absolute certainty
who you are and are not related to.
We'll start with dangling
versus attached earlobes.
What do you want?
Nothing.
Who pissed in your Sugar Puffs?
I'll tell you what, Willie,
nobody pissed in my Sugar Puffs.
My mornin' just sucked balls.
- Here you go.
- Thank you.
But don't take more than it says,
or I can't keep giving it to you.
Sure thing.
So? Am I gonna have a baby?
No.
What's in your lungs is growing,
you've missed your period.
Maybe we should just do a backup test.
Well, we could do that again
in a month or so,
but what needs to happen right now,
is that you need to meet with a new doctor.
Why?
Um, if what is in your lungs is bad,
then you are gonna need
to be somewhere for a while.
- In a hospital?
- Right.
So if you could just fill out
this paperwork for me,
y'know, out there in the waiting room,
then bring it on back, that'd be terrific.
for me, Virginia? Sure thing.
Excuse me.
You work here?
No. My mom does.
Oh.
I'm Max. I own this, uh,
this pier your mom works at.
Oh...
Um, I was just gettin' a copy of my ear
for... for a school assignment.
I see.
I can pay you for those.
Oh, don't worry.
Thanks.
Oh, you're, uh... you're not looking
for a summer job, are you?
I, uh... I got one or two opportunities
still available.
Of course, the top news
is that our governor,
and now presumptive
presidential nominee,
has announced
his newest campaign tour dates,
including a stop right here on Labour Day.
His dinner will be a barbecue
at the home of our very own
Sheriff Richard Tipton,
who is knee-deep in his own run
for State Legislature.
Do you like this one?
That should be fine.
Look at this.
Do you think she looks pretty in yellow?
Yes. She's beautiful in that one.
Hey, Dad, you got some mail.
You see, I was born
with dangling earlobes.
And according to my biology teacher,
unless you went to public school
in South Carolina,
you'd know my mom's ears
and the sheriff's ears
never could've made mine.
So using genetics,
for the first time
I knew for certain
who my father wasn't.
Do you believe in God?
Or are you an atheist, sinning scientist?
I don't know.
Well, it's either one or the other, Em.
I got your letter.
Meet me, 1:
00 p.m.Do you think we come from apes?
Do you?
Some people say we do,
but you can't count so much
on science anymore, you know.
Who do you think your dad is?
Could be anybody.
Anybody with hanging earlobes.
When I got your letter...
You can't do that.
Why? There's no reason why not now.
I want a temple wedding first.
You have to be a priesthood holder
in good standing in my church
to give me that.
And you just don't have it in you.
Jessie...
you really think God's still listenin'
to your daddy's prayers?
Seems like there was
always something.
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"Virginia" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 21 Nov. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/virginia_22885>.
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