Wag the Dog Page #27

PRESIDENT:

...a proclamation of a Day of National Rejoining...

THE TELEVISICN GOES ALL FUZZY, THEN CONKS OUT.

...a day of Humility, a day of Pride...in the Return

of...

SCHUMANN:

N'ybody gotta Beer...?

THE LIGHTS IN THE PLANE FLICKER, AND THEN COME ON, WE SEE THE LIGHTENING

FLASHING OUT OF THE WINDOW, THE CO-PILOT COMES BACK INTO THE CABIN...

BREAN:

(ON THE PHONE)

Just....do what I ...look: get me a ...hello...?

Hel...? I'm going to need an ambulance, we take him,

the last moment, right from the Pl...no, we land, we

puttem in the ambulance. Air force jet lands, we take

somebody else off that jet...what the f*** do I care?

Somebody in a Hospital gown. And we need a

......hello? Hello...?

THE LINE GOES DEAD.

BREAN:

Cause I don't think this dog is gonna hunt....

MOSS:

He's going to be fine, aren't you boy...?

BREAN:

Yeah, well, perhaps...

(TO PHONE)

Speaking of which: I have a prescription here, I'm

going to give you the number, I need you standing by

with a crate of the stuff.... it's ... what is it?

MOSS:

An anti-psychotic...

BREAN:

(TO TELEPHONE)

It's an anti-psychotic, the num... the

number...hello...hello...

BEAT. THE BUFFETING STOPS. THE CO-PILOT ENTERS.

CO-PILOT

We have been experiencing some buffeting, but I think

from here on out, it's going to be fine.

HE RETURNS TO THE COCKPIT. BREAN TRIES TO REDIAL THE TELEPHONE.

SCHUMANN:

Long's I git back for my Beans.

MOSS:

This is nothing, Wait'll you've worked with a movie

star, one time, this is nothing, we keep him shot-up

and happy -- the Old Days, I used to think I was a

pharmacist, the kind of stuff I had to do. One time...

SCHUMANN:

Cause the beans, y'know, y'can tell if they're puttin

stuff in it.

BREAN:

Uh huh...

SCHUMANN:

So you don't have to fear it.

BREAN:

Uh huh...

MOSS:

Mmm.

BREAN:

What kind of stuff?

(TO PHONE)

Hello...?

SCHUMANN:

(PAUSE. SCHUMANN LOOKS AT THEM WARILY)

What do you mean, "What kind of stuff?"

AMES:

No, no, he didn't mean anything at all...

BREAN:

(TO MOSS)

Give'em another pill...

AMES:

No. No. He didn't mean anything by it at all...

BREAN:

(TO PHONE)

Hello? No, operator...

MOSS ADMINISTERS A PILL TO SCHUMANN.

SCHUMANN:

What the f*** did you mean, "What kind of stuff?"?

MOSS:

(TO BREAN)

...this is nothing. This is nothing. D'you ever shoot

in Italy? Try three Italian starlets on Benzedrine,

this is a walk in the park...

SCHUMANN:

(AS IF COMING TO)

...who are you?

(PAUSE)

Who are you sonofabitches...

(HE LOOKS AROUND WILDLY)

AMES:

We're just, actually, we're friends of... can we get

another pill into him...

SCHUMANN:

Where are you taking me...?

BREAN:

(TO PHONE)

Hello...?

A HUGE FLASH OF LIGHTENING, THE PLANE IS PLUNGED INTO DARKNESS, THE ENGINES

STOP:

INT THE DARK CABIN. THE WIND WHISTLING.

AMES:

(SOFTLY)

Oh, Heck.

DISSOLVE:

EXT A FIELD IN MONTANA. THE WRECKED CORPORATE JET.

ANGLE:

A BEATEN-UP BREAN STRUGGLES FROM THE PLANE, FINISHING A BOTTLE OF SCOTCH, HE

FLINGS IT FROM HIM, REACHES IN HIS BACK POCKET, OPENS ANOTHER, AND, AS HE DOES

SO, HE SINGS DRUNKENLY.

BREAN:

"Hush little baby, don't say a Word...Pappa's gonna buy

you a Mockingbird, if that Mocking bird don't sing,

Poppa's gonna buy you a diamond ring..."

AMES, SIMILARLY BRUISED, STUMBLES FROM THE PLANE BEHIND HIM.

BREAN:

...kid complains, kid cries, gets more junk, junk don't

work, kid cries, gets more junk. End of the song,

house full of worthless junk, the kid's still crying.

Story of America...

(HE SITS ON THE GROUND AND OPENS THE

NEW BOTTLE OF SCOTCH.)

...Z'at ever bother you...?

(HE REACHES BACK INTO THE PLANE, AND

BRINGS OUT A SMALL TELEVISION SET)

ANGLE, AS HE LEANS INTO THE PLANE. WE SEE MOSS, LYING IN A HEAP, MOSS COMES

TO.

MOSS:

...what happened...?

BREAN:

I think we were experiencing a Little Technical

Difficulty.

MOSS:

How's our friend?

BREAN SETS UP THE TELEVISION. TURNS IT ON.

HE SITS, AND TAKES THE BOTTLE FROM BREAN, AND DRINKS.

MOSS:

..."Courage. Mom"...

BREAN HAS KICKED THE TELEVISION INTO LIFE, WE SEE A MAN AND WOMAN ANCHOR,

SPEAKING LUGUBRIOUSLY, INTO THE CAMERA.

BREAN:

News. Like a Wedding Cake. Tons and tons of sticky

sugar, Barbie and Ken on top...

(HE HITS THE TV)

Can't ya Talk, you sonofabitches...?

MOSS:

What the hell do we care?

BREAN:

Eh? I'm like the Rest of America. I don't care -- I'm

just addicted to it...

A PHOTO OF SCHUMANN COMES ON THE TELEVISION. BREAN STUMBLES BACK INTO THE

PLANE, AND HAULS THE DAZED SCHUMANN OUT, AND PROPS HIM AGAINST THE PLANE.

BREAN:

(TO SCHUMANN)

N'just when everything was going so well...

HE SIGHS. HE LOOKS AT THE TELEVISION SCREEN.

ANGLE:

THE CROWDS AT ANDREW'S AIRKORCE BASE, THE "OLD SHOE" BANNERS, THE "COURAGE,

MOM," BANNERS. THE STILL BAND. A SHOT OF THE BANDMASTER, SURREPTITIOUSLY,

GLANCING AT HIS WATCH.

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