Waitress Page #7

---

You're never going to believe

it, but, um... you know

that guy came to the diner

that day, wouldn't leave?

Name was Ogie?

Ogie, the stalking elf?

Yeah, I remember that guy.

What about him?

Well, it-it's him.

Well, that is wonderful, Dawn!

Isn't it, Jenna?

Yeah, that's wonderful.

How'd that happen?

Well, you know,

he was true to his word.

He didn't never give up.

His cousin Pete gave him my number.

He called me, like,

30 times in one day.

I thought I might kill him.

But he got to me.

He did?

Yeah.

Well, he's so passionate.

He writes me

these spontaneous poems.

Spontaneous poems.

Yes, they are poems that just

occur to him right on the spot.

Last night he said to me,

"Dawn, your face is a brilliant

moon in my empty room. "

Aw...

"Your love is

like a beating drum,

ba-bum-ba-bum-ba-bum-ba-bum. "

Hmm.

And yeah, I know what you're

thinking, that he's not...

so pretty... but

he grows on you.

And anyway, he's it,

'cause nobody else wants me.

Well, honey, you probably

shouldn't be with someone

just 'cause nobody else wants you.

Yeah, well, you are.

And you wouldn't know it

to look at him,

but he is a sexual dynamo.

Wow.

No, you wouldn't know it.

Well, Dawn,

I sure hope it's making you happy.

You don't mean that.

Yes, I do.

Nope.

I know what you're thinking,

'cause you called him an elf.

Only 'cause you initially

called him an elf.

- You're jealous.

- No!

You are.

Because you have the most mean,

controlling husband

in the world,

and you are stuck there!

But I have found someone

who loves me to death!

Well, let's hope not to death.

And I am happy!

Good.

When the fruit pies go in,

would you put this one in with that one?

I'm going to go and clean up now

and set up my station.

We'll see you out there!

Don't say nothing.

I wasn't gonna.

I'm not in no position

to judge nobody.

Neither are you.

I hope I didn't hurt her

feelings too bad.

She'll be fine.

- Hey, is Cal inside yet?

- Yeah, I saw him.

Think it's time for me

to tell him about the baby.

You got the oven under control?

- I do.

- Wish me luck.

Wishing you luck, honey.

Well, uh...

What?

It seems I'm almost

five months pregnant.

Yeah, so?

So I just thought I should tell you.

I already knew.

You did?

Yeah, I thought everybody knew.

Oh, who told you?

Nobody told me.

Nobody needs to tell me.

I mean, look at you.

What'd you think?

I thought you went and got fat?

Truth be told,

as long as you can carry a tray

and filI a pie tin,

I don't care

if you give birth while doing it.

Well, I'm relieved.

I'm not such a bad guy, maybe.

You're not such a bad guy, maybe.

Well, get out there

and get to work, Jenna.

Come on. We ain't got all day.

I'll get to work.

How you doing today, Joe?

Same bastard as yesterday, Jenna.

How are you?

Same train wreck.

And how's the baby doing so far?

So far so good, no problems,

no birth defects,

no diseases, whatever.

Good, good.

How's the bad husband?

Just awful.

And the lipstick smudger?

The lipstick smudger?

The dog on the side.

The affair.

Shh, Joe, I'm not having no affair.

Okay, you're not having no affair.

Want to hear your horoscope

before I give you my order?

No.

Too bad, here it is.

"Aquarius.

"Lf, indeed, you're having an affair,

"it might be a good time to step back,

"look at your life

and reassess things a bit. "

It don't say that in there.

Yes, it does.

It says, "Even if you have

a miserable, snake husband,

"you probably shouldn't be

having no affair,

"'cause it's beneath you

"and could make you seem

like a common hussy.

"Not to mention the pain

you could cause other people. "

You're just making that up.

This afternoon I want the

"Singing Tuna Fish Casserole"

no pickle on the plate.

Well-done Frenchie fries

with melted Swiss cheese

and gravy on their own plate,

and "Jenna's Special Strawberry

Chocolate Oasis Pie. "

You got that?

I got that.

Give me a smile, Jenna.

Nobody makes strawberry

chocolate pie the way you do.

Wednesday's my favorite day

of the week,

'cause I get to have a slice of it.

I think about it as I'm waking up.

Could solve all the problems

with the world, that pie.

You're making too much of it.

It's just a pie.

Just a pie?

It's downright expert.

A thing of beauty.

How each flavor opens itself,

one by one,

like a chapter in a book.

First the flavor

of an exotic spice hits you,

just a hint of it.

And then you're flooded with

chocolate, dark and bittersweet,

like an old love affair.

And finally, strawberry;

the way strawberry was always

supposed to taste,

but never knew how.

In fact,

I tell you what.

Forget all the other stuff

I ordered.

Just bring me the damn pie.

That's all I want.

I don't care if it's not

a well-balanced meal.

Just bring me the pie.

Old Joe'll maybe not have much

longer to live, you know?

Then I better bring you the pie

right away.

Yes'm, you better.

I love you!

- Oh!

I love your breast.

I love your breast.

I love this breast! Mmm!

I like this breast, too!

Oh!

Uh, there's my order, Cal,

and I'm going

to need a slice of Oasis.

Gonna go throw up now.

Jenna.

- Whoa!

- No, Cal!

- Jenna!

- Hey!

I didn't plan it, Jenna.

It just happened.

He's got such nice, strong hands.

Your poor husband.

My poor husband

wears a diaper,

curses constantly

and sleeps in a separate room.

So why don't you

just divorce him then?

I can't just leave

a sick, crazy, old man.

What kind of person would do that?

I don't know. What kind of person

has an affair with Cal,

who's married to Ethel,

who we see all the time?

He says she's awful.

Maybe anyone

you stay married to

for 15 years starts to seem awful.

But we know Ethel.

She's not awful.

She tells Cal not to yell at us.

Hey, you're supposed

to be my friend, not Ethel's.

Having an affair

is a terrible thing to do.

It destroys people's lives, and I don't

want you messed up with all that.

Jenna, there's this cute guy here

to see you.

He says he's your doctor.

That's perfect.

Just perfect.

What are you doing here?

- You can't just come here.

- I had an hour to kill.

I wanted to see you.

Did you make this pie?

It's bliss. Of course you made it.

I got to get back to work.

- When can I see you again?

- Dr. Pomatter,

I've been thinking.

I think we need to end this.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes