Wake Page #4

about why I was at the funeral.

But it was more than that.

Everything else was true.

Oh, really?

[Camera shutter clicks]

So, he knows you still have

his fiances ring?

Okay, not everything,

but I'm waiting

for the right time to tell him.

Well, I'm sure that's

gonna go over really well.

Stop. You're making me

feel even worse.

He kissed me and then threw up.

Do you even know what that's like?

Unfortunately, I think I do.

I mean,

maybe not full vomiting,

but, you know,

at least a, uh, gag reflex.

So, I was thinking

about going to see my parents.

Has going to see them

ever helped you in any way?

No.

But I thought, you know,

I'm different now,

so, maybe we could relate

to each other better.

Mm.

I mean, they are my parents.

I advise against it.

I know.

In the strongest possible terms.

[Chuckles]

[Camera shutter clicks]

MRS. REITMAN:
Tell me,

what have you been up to?

Your father and I

have really missed you.

Well, I've, uh...

sort of met someone.

And it's, you know,

brought up a lot of stuff.

A romantic someone?

I don't know.

Oh, sweetheart, that's wonderful!

You deserve to be happy.

Thank you. Thanks.

Have you known him long?

Uh, no.

What, um,

I wanted to, uh...

Well, how did you meet him?

It's a long story.

Well, what I'm trying

to talk to you about is...

What's he like?

Mom, I'm...

I'm trying to talk to you.

Well, we are talking.

Do you ever think about her?

About who?

Mom, do you ever think about her?

Would you like some tea?

Oh, I think I'm gonna have some.

No, I don't...

I don't need any tea.

Oh, I suppose no one

ever really needs tea.

Mom, just forget the tea.

Well, what about some juice?

It would be very good for your skin.

Mom, look at me.

[Sighs]

You know what would be nice?

Some cookies.

Cookies?

Did I hear someone say cookies?

Hi, sweetie.

Hi, Dad.

Oh.

[Sighs]

Hey, it's Shane.

Give me a call.

[Beep]

Carys, it's Tyler.

Um, my portly dog and I

are gonna be

in your neighborhood tomorrow

by no coincidence whatsoever,

and we wanted to see

if we could stop by.

Give me a ring back.

My number is...

[Beep]

Carys, it's Tyler.

Um, my portly dog and I...

[Growling]

Does he fetch?

He doesn't fetch.

But I do.

I've been thinking a lot

about Anna's ring.

I really don't know

what to do about it.

I mean, do I press charges?

Do I sue?

You know what I think would

just be great, karmacally speaking,

you know,

just to let it go.

Huh?

It's gonna come back to you.

What do you mean,

the ring or the karma?

Both.

'Cause, you know,

the wheel of life is turning.

I still haven't been able

to go back to her grave.

Yeah, I mean,

it takes people a while...

Not that I'm an expert or anything.

God, the end was...

...so terrible.

The very end?

When I leaned over

the other day to kiss you,

it felt really strange,

but there was a part of me

that felt really happy to be free,

you know, to be about to kiss you.

And then I felt guilty.

And then I felt sick.

Terrible, terrible thing to say.

Can you look at me the same way?

[Rock music plays]

Wait, we're in Lila's room.

Oh, screw it.

[Glass shatters]

[Gasps]

You okay?

Yeah.

There they are.

Wait, did it look like this?

Well...

I only noticed it

when it was shattering to bits.

[Both chuckle]

All right, let's get this one.

This one?

- You sure?

- Yeah.

- Positive?

- Mm-hmm.

All right. Let's get it.

[Door opens]

What the f*** happened

to my thinning mirror?

[Knocking on door]

You better sleep

with your eyes open!

[Growls]

[Both screaming]

% % I thought you might unfold % %

[Door slams]

[Shane sighs]

If I've told you once,

I've told you a million times.

I know, don't sneak.

But I didn't sneak.

I walked boldly and forthrightly.

I did not sneak.

And no one saw you come in?

No one whose story

would be believed.

[Sighs]

Wonderful.

[Sighs]

What is it?

What's what?

What is it that you're

obviously dying to tell me?

Tyler and I...

At what point did you and I

develop this sort

of talky, open, girly relationship?

I think this is it.

What?

You know..."it."

No, actually,

I don't know what "it" is.

[Sighs]

Don't make me say it.

I'll go you one better...

I beg you not to say it.

I think I...

[Chuckles]

I think I'm in...

All right, that's enough.

Have you even

told him the truth yet?

I don't think that matters anymore.

Really?

Well, if he's never

felt this way about anybody,

and if he's opening up a whole

new world of feelings for me,

then what does it matter

if we met through a mix-up?

A mix-up is stating it

a little softly, don't you think?

It's a bit muted, I guess.

A bit muted?

Yeah, I could see

that's how he'd see it.

You know, a bit muted

compared to actual events.

You have to be honest with him.

Once he says he loves you, that's it.

There's no going back from that.

You can't just be like,

"Oh, sorry, everything

I've told you since we first met

is actually a complete lie."

Okay, you're right.

I have to tell him.

I will tell him.

I'm going to tell him.

[Sighs]

I'm gonna tell him.

[Sighs]

I... need your help.

Pardon me?

[Sighs]

I need your help with, um...

shopping.

Well, shouldn't you just go

to Goths "R" Us and be done with it?

I'm not a Goth.

I'll buy you Jenny Craig dinners

for a week.

Six.

- Two.

- Four.

- Done.

- I'll go change.

I'm not going in there.

This transformation

has arrived just in time.

I don't want to say that black

has always made you

look overtired and pasty,

but you really need

to put some color on

before the infatuation phase

wears off

and he really sees your many

physical flaws for the first time.

Okay, just because you racked up

a slew of angry ex-boyfriends

doesn't make you

the expert on dating.

You've seen

the dating-commercial sites.

It's about quality,

not quantity.

Let's go in.

Fine.

% % I can't be sure % %

Like I said, overtired and pasty.

Can I help you find something?

Yes, my, um, roommate

is looking for a new wardrobe.

Great b*obs, tiny waist,

slim hips...

We have a ton of things

that will look fantastic on you.

B*tch.

No, not you.

I'm sure you're super nice.

I look like a Christmas tree.

I think you should get it.

No, I have to draw

the line somewhere.

Oh, my God.

% % I guess she took your heart

And left the rest % %

This one?

No pink!

Just buy a fricking outfit,

and let's move on.

Can you put that on hold for me?

That'll be $986.43.

This turnaround's becoming an

expensive little proposition for you.

I give it a 2.

A 2? A 2?

You're talking

about a cult classic here.

"Attack of

the Killer Tomatoes!"?

Who's afraid of a tomato?

Best part about it was the title.

Oh, God, I see we're gonna have to

continue your cinematic education.

I think we're gonna have

to continue your education.

- Oh, really?

- Mm-hmm.

Doesn't sound half bad.

[Door opens, closes]

Excuse me.

What I wouldn't give for a little

post-make-out vomiting right now.

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