Waking Life Page #9

of total oblivion.

I remember and ferment the desire

to remember everything. "

So, what did

you say to that?

Well, I mean,

what could I say?

I said, " If you're gonna

microwave that burrito,

"I want you to poke holes in the

plastic wrapping because they explode.

And I'm tired of cleaning up your

little burrito doings. You dig me?"

'Cause the jalapenos

dry up.

They're like little wheels.

When it was over,

all I could think about...

was how this entire

notion of oneself,

what we are, is just...

this logical structure,

a place to momentarily

house all the abstractions.

It was a time

to become conscious,

to give form and coherence

to the mystery.

And I had been a part of that.

It was a gift.

Life was raging

all around me,

and every moment

was magical.

I loved all the people,

dealing with all

the contradictory impulses.

That's what I loved the most...

connecting with the people.

Looking back, that's

all that really mattered.

Kierkegaard's last words

were, "Sweep me up. "

- Hey, man.

- Hey.

Weren't you

in the boat car?

You know, the guy...

the guy with the hat.

He gave me a ride

in his car or boat thing,

and you were in

the back seat with me.

I'm not saying you don't know

what you're talking about,

but I don't know

what you're talking about.

No, see, you guys let me off

at this really specific spot...

that you gave him directions

to let me off at.

I get out and ended up

getting hit by a car.

But then I just woke up

because I was dreaming,

and later, I found out

that I was still dreaming,

dreaming

that I'd woken up.

Those are called "false awakenings. "

I used to have those all the time.

But I'm still in it now.

I can't get out of it.

It's been going on forever.

I keep waking up, but I'm just

waking up into another dream.

I'm starting to get creeped out too,

like I'm talking to dead people.

This woman on TV's telling me

about how death is this dream time...

that exists outside of life.

I mean, I'm starting

to think that I'm dead.

I'm gonna tell you

about a dream I once had.

I know that when

someone says that,

usually you're in for a very boring

next few minutes, and you might be.

But it sounds like...

What else are you gonna do, right?

Anyway, I read this essay

by Philip K. Dick.

What, you read it

in your dream?

No, no. I read it

before the dream.

It was the preamble

to the dream.

It was about that book,

Flow My Tears, The Policeman Said.

- You know that one?

- Yeah, yeah. He won an award for that one.

Right. That's the one

he wrote really fast.

It just, like, flowed

right out of him.

He felt he was sort

of channeling it or something.

But anyway, about four years

after it was published,

he was at this party

and he met this woman...

who had the same name

as the woman character in the book.

And she had a boyfriend with the same name

as the boyfriend character in the book.

and she was having an affair

with this guy, the chief of police.

And he had the same name

as the chief of police in his book.

So she's telling him

all this stuff from her life,

and everything she's saying

is right out of his book.

So that's really freaking him out,

but what can he do?

And shortly after that,

he was going to mail a letter,

and he saw this kind of, um, dangerous,

shady-looking guy standing by his car.

But instead of avoiding him, which he

said he usually would have done,

he walked right up to him

and said, "Can I help you?"

And the guy said,

"Yeah. I ran out of gas. "

He pulls out his wallet and he hands him some

money, which he says he never would have done.

And then he gets home and

he thinks, " Wait a second.

This guy can't get

to a gas station. He's out of gas. "

So he gets back in his car. He finds

the guy, takes him to the gas station.

And as he's pulling up

to the gas station,

he realizes, " Hey,

this is in my book too.

This exact station.

This exact guy. Everything. "

So this whole episode

is kind of creepy, right?

And he's telling

his priest about it,

describing

how he wrote this book,

and four years later,

all these things happened to him.

And as he's telling it to him, the

priest says, " That's the Book of Acts.

You're describing

the Book of Acts. "

He's like, "I've never

read the Book of Acts. "

So he goes home

and reads the Book of Acts,

and it's, like,

you know, uncanny.

Even the characters' names

are the same as in the Bible.

And the Book of Acts takes place in 50

A.D., when it was written, supposedly.

So Philip K. Dick

had this theory...

that time was an illusion and that

we were all actually in 50 A.D.

And the reason that he

had written this book...

was that he had somehow momentarily

punctured through this illusion,

this veil of time.

And what he had seen was what

was going on in the Book of Acts.

And he was really

into Gnosticism.

and this idea

that this demiurge, or demon,

had created this illusion

of time to make us forget...

that Christ

was about to return...

and the kingdom of God

was about to arrive...

and that we're all in 50 A.D. and

there's someone trying to make us forget,

you know, that... you know,

that God is imminent.

And that's what time is.

That's what all of history is,

this kind of continuous,

you know, daydream or distraction.

And so I read that,

and I was like, "Well, that's weird. "

And then that night,

I had a dream,

and there was this guy in the dream

who was supposed to be a psychic.

But I was skeptical. I was like,

"He's not really a psychic. "

I was just thinking

to myself.

And then suddenly,

I start floating,

like levitating

up to the ceiling.

And as I almost go

through the roof, I'm like,

"Mr. Psychic, I believe you. You're

a psychic. Put me down, please. "

And I float down,

and as my feet touch the ground,

the psychic turns

into this woman in a green dress.

And this woman

is Lady Gregory.

Now, Lady Gregory was Yeats' patron,

this, you know, Irish person.

And though I'd

never seen her image,

I was just sure that this was

the face of Lady Gregory.

So we're walking along,

and Lady Gregory turns to me and says,

"Let me explain to you

the nature of the universe.

"Now, Philip K. Dick is right about

time, but he's wrong that it's 50 A.D.

"Actually, there's only

one instant, and it's right now.

"And it's eternity.

"And it's an instant

in which God is posing a question.

"And that question is, basically,

'Do you want to, you know,

"'be one with eternity?

"Do you want to be

in heaven? '

"And we're all saying, 'No,

thank you. Not just yet. '"

And so time is actually just

this constant saying no...

to God's invitation.

That's what time is. It's no more

There's just this one instant,

and that's what we're always in.

And then she tells me that actually this

is the narrative of everyone's life.

That behind the phenomenal difference,

there is but one story,

and that's the story of moving

from the "no" to the "yes. "

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