Walk Like a Panther Page #4

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Thank you.

Do you want

to look unkempt?

Mmm?

Do you actually want

to lose at least 3.5%

of your regular

aerodynamic-nicity?

No.

Do you want... No.

CLIFF:
I'll let it

slide for today,

but next time, I wanna see

them either "A," gone,

or two...

in some kind of net.

Right.

Prepare to closely protect.

(SNAPS FINGERS)

PAT:

Oi! What you doing?

WORKMAN:

Taking the clock, love.

It's gotta come down,

I'm afraid.

PAT:
What do you mean,

"taking the clock"?

WORKMAN:

Just following orders, love.

Why would they want

to take a clock?

I know. Told the time

and everything.

(PAT CHUCKLES)

Right.

(LOUD TROMBONE BLOWS)

PAT:

What the bloody hell?

- RICKY:
Hey up, smelly biddies!

- Knobheads!

- (TROMBONE BLOWS)

- (MOTORCYCLE ENGINE REVS)

D*ckhead.

Oh.

- All right, ladies?

- You better have meant

what you said

last night, Popsy Wilson.

And don't you go messing

with Mark's head.

Or any of our Panthers.

GLADYS:

Because if you do,

it'll be the last thing

you ever bloody do.

If I go fast enough,

I'll get the bastard.

DAWN:

Thank you. Ooh.

- There you go, boys.

- BUILDER:
Cheers, Dawn.

JOHN:
What would we do without

you to start our day, girl?

Aw!

And no day can start

without the dawn.

- BUILDER:
You okay, Dawn?

- I come in peace.

You boys just enjoy

your breakfast.

I just need two minutes

of your time, please, Dawn.

Humph!

I'm putting

the band back together.

The band.

Our band.

The wrestlers?

(DAWN CHUCKLES)

- What?

- You're serious?

The way you all threw around

that Rickson gobshite...

It took me back

to yesteryear.

You've still got romance

in you, Popsy Wilson.

And an agenda, I'm sure.

The only thing I've got, Dawn...

are amends to make.

To the Panthers.

And to you.

TERRY KHAN:

Oh, this is so mega, Cliff.

I feel like a right ninja.

I probably feel like more of a

ninja than that other Terry.

CLIFF:

All right, two things.

One, it's pronounced "neenya."

And "B," there's no such

thing as "neenyas."

Yeah, there is. Those people

that wear black bandages.

Yeah, like throwing stars and

smoke bombs, like skills.

We are the throwing stars

in this game.

Sharp, swift, deadly.

Neenyas were created

to spook naughty children.

Like the bogeyman.

They were invented

by people from the East.

Where? Hull?

Focus, boys. We're

protecting the pope tonight.

The pope?

I thought it was...

(TUTTING) Never reveal your subject.

Not even to me.

It's Close Protection Code.

Pope.

And his church is

the biggest church of all.

His church is showbiz.

CHILD 1:
You all right, Tony?

Should we cross?

- We don't want to be late.

- POPSY:
Morning, children.

We're all right for sweets

and puppies, thanks.

(KIDS LAUGHING)

Have a word, please,

Sweet Cheeks?

Tony?

- Tony!

- What?

- What you doing?

- Well, I'm on crossing.

Kids are crossing themselves.

- They've gone.

- Exactly.

(WHIP CRACKS)

Showbiz.

Drink it in, boys.

- Bruv.

- (GASPS)

Shouldn't we

have knocked?

Knocked?

We are the knock.

At this stage in your training,

I suppose that not knowing

that you're the knock

is... is understandable.

Listen, Cliff, I'm sorry, all right?

I won't forget, all right?

I'm the knock.

We... are the knock.

- Knock knock.

- Yeah.

- POPSY:
Who's there?

- (YELPS)

CLIFF:

Stand down, boys.

Terry and Terry.

My prototypes.

I'm teaching them the ways

of the warrior.

Students. Bonsai.

How did you get in here?

You could have just been maimed.

Oh, I've put on many a show

under this great roof.

- Is he all right?

- CLIFF:
All right, Terry?

Yeah, he...

he gets like this

when he senses danger.

It's a bit like Flipper.

- All right, lad?

- Panic attack?

Panic? He doesn't know

the meaning of the word.

Right, well,

I'll make this brief.

And submit to my love

On your back, on your

front, on all fours

- Fours, fours

- (PHONE VIBRATING)

What do you want, Wilson?

Yeah, well, I'm shopping,

so make it quick.

Right.

Opportunity?

Major?

Perfect for my career?

Could make me

an even bigger star?

They're desperate for me!

Me and only me?

Right. Right.

Yeah.

(WHISPERS)

My agent.

What is it?

Wrestling?

You mental d*ckhead.

- What?

- Do you want a bag for five p?

Five p?

Do you know who I am?

(COINS CLINK)

Wilson.

I'll do it.

Hail Scissor.

Welcome to Spartacuts.

Hail Scissor.

He's far

from welcome here, Mum.

POPSY:
Before you throw

me to the lions,

- I've got a proposition for you.

- (HARRY WHIMPERS)

I was wondering,

Gladiator Glenn Higgins...

how do you fancy a return

to the Coliseum?

- Are you still here?

- MABEL:
I don't care what this man has done.

I didn't raise

a disrespectful child.

You hear

Popsy Wilson Junior out.

And you...

We only allow honesty

under this roof.

(GASPS)

Bleedin' hell!

TONY:

Ride 'em, cowboy.

(TONY GRUNTING)

Sweet Cheeks.

What are you wearing, Tony?

You look ridiculous.

Even Gloria Giles wouldn't

appreciate those.

- Move.

- These trunks are iconic.

They called me

the "Sexy C-3PO."

Don't be such a sap, Tony.

She's back.

Yeah.

- Caw caw!

- (TONY YELPS)

(SQUAWKS)

POPSY:

Derek. Danny.

DANNY:

Wilson.

(WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING

FROM TRUCK)

POPSY:
I will have a

single scoop, please.

- DEREK:
Money up front.

- What?

We're closed.

(POPSY GROANS)

I've been talking

with the other Panthers.

- What about?

- Wouldn't you like to know.

- Yeah, we would.

- Yeah, we would.

It's time to dust off the

"Screwball Corkscrew" special.

(BOTH WHOOPING)

- (YELPS)

- (ICE CREAM SPLATS)

What's going on?

Mark, I thought you wanted

to talk to me?

Yeah, I do, Dad.

Yeah, we all do.

You're gonna love this.

What's he doing here?

What you all doing here?

Your friends,

my dear Bulldog...

are here for the storm.

Name's Trevor.

What bleedin' storm?

Powerful, strawberry blond

clouds are gathering.

Their fiery red bellies

brimming with auburn thunder.

Welcome...

to the Ginger Storm!

Trevor, in memoriam

of your fallen friend...

you shall all be

warriors once more.

Your dormant

wrestling volcano

shall erupt like Etna,

engulfing all

in its molten entertainment!

For this is the future

of yesterday's sport today.

TREVOR:

You're all mad.

- I'll talk to you later, Mark.

- Dad! Wait there.

- Dad, please wait a minute.

- POPSY:
Mark! Mark!

POPSY:

It's all right, Mark.

We'll get him on side. You

know, might take a minute, eh?

And the wrestling gods,

they're smiling down on us.

I've managed to secure us a venue

to stage your resurrection.

In three weeks' time,

we return to the

home of grapple.

Melfirth Town Hall.

Melfirth Town Hall?

How did you find

a venue so quickly?

Probably dropped my name,

didn't you, Wilson?

POPSY:
Your name opens

many a door, Lara,

but this time luck

was on our side.

The lead singer of the Clannad

tribute band, Clannada-Dry,

was involved

in a forestry accident,

forcing them to cancel

or to... (CHUCKLES)

to "clancel."

(LAUGHTER)

Oh, come on, you lot,

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