Walking and Talking Page #2

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- I mean there's no risk.

- That's sick.

- You guys pity me.

- [Together] Nah.

[Laughs]

Oh, my God, what's that?

It's so fake looking!

It looks like a Barbie ring,

Frank.

It's... It's, uh...

It's not fake. Frank gave it to me.

- Oh, I know. I mean, it's one of

your jokes, right? From work.

- Uh-uh.

- We're engaged.

- Yeah.

We're gonna get married.

Whoa. Ha!

You're engaged?

Wow! That is...

That's unbelievable!

That's great news.

Oh, I'm sorry, Frank.

I thought that i-it was

one of your jokes from work.

No! No, it's,

uh, okay.

Hey. We could have it

at the lake house.

I mean, I'll ask my mom.

- But wouldn't that be great?

- That would be perfect.

I think this would be

a really bad time to stop.

Well, Amelia, I'm sorry

to say this, but I...

I think it's too late. I...

I've already filled your slot.

- You filled my slot?

- Yes.

And...

I think you wanting to go it

alone was a positive step.

Shall we stick to that?

- Hi.

- Hi. How're you doin'?

I'm doin' all right.

How are you doin'?

- What are you up to?

- Not much.

Well, I get off in a little

while. Can I talk you

into Freak Show Seven?

There's a late show.

[Groans]

[Movie:

Continuous Screaming]

You know, we could've

left the movie if it

was makin' you sick.

I couldn't stop watching it.

It was so gross.

Yeah, it was a good one.

Look at this.

I once... I once

put makeup like this

on my little brother.

Made it look like his

cheeks were falling off,

and he was scared shitless.

He was just in the bathroom,

like, crying, looking into...

in the mirror,

begging me

to take it off.

- That was pretty funny.

- That's f***ed up.

[Laughs]

You think?

I was young.

How's your stomach?

- Not great.

- Mmm. Maybe this'll help.

It probably would

if I could stop thinking

about that talking forehead.

- Oh, man.

- I hear you.

My best friend's

getting married.

It's probably

what's making me sick.

Mmm.

[Sighs]

Mmm. How's that?

Good.

Better.

Thanks.

Good. I actually

feel inspired to do some writing.

- Oh!

- I... If I feel it...

If I feel inspired,

- I should try to do some work.

- Okay.

- It's kinda late anyway.

- Yeah.

- All right. Well, thanks.

- Yeah. Uh...

It was fun.

Yeah, it was.

I'll call you.

Okay. All right.

Bye.

Good night.

Hi. It's me.

Anyone? Anyone?

Anyone? Are you guys

there?

What, are you screening?

Pick up.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

This sponge that I'm washing

dishes with is unbelievable.

It... Oh, my God.

It smells like a hot dog.

It's disgusting.

And I can't stop smelling it.

[Sniffs]

Are you gonna pick up?

Okay. All right, then.

Okay. Bye-bye.

- Don't you have work?

- Not today. I'm going to a meeting.

- Which? Overeaters?

- Alzheimer's.

Oh. How is your dad?

Not so good.

You know, you go to your

Coping With Alzheimer's meetings

more than you see your dad.

I'm gonna see him

next week. Maybe you'd

like to come with me?

- Queens?

- Yeah.

I've been talking to that

woman in California...

on the phone a lot lately.

You know, the one

I told you about?

Yeah. So?

We, uh,

talk on the phone...

for long... long...

long... long...

periods of time.

- Oh, God. Ohh.

- And...

Don't tell me this.

She talks and you jerk off.

And the other way around.

You should hear the noise she makes.

- I don't wanna hear this.

- [Phone Ringing]

Classifieds. I don't know.

Could you hold, please?

- We never did that.

- We didn't have to.

- We lived in the same city.

- I thought you said you weren't

gonna get involved with anyone.

I'm not involved.

We talk on the phone. That's it.

I live in New York.

She lives in California.

- What's her name?

- Virginia.

I'm probably never gonna

call her again anyway.

- So it's sort of a moot point.

- Oh, that's nice.

You've had phone sex

with this girl, and you're

never gonna call her again.

You're an a**hole.

Don't call me

an a**hole.

- Well, does she know

how you feel?

- What?

That that's it.

Oh. I don't know.

I've been thinking

about my son a lot lately.

- I didn't know you had a son.

- Yes, you did.

Remember you suggested

I send him a card

a couple of months ago?

- Oh. Right. God.

- Well, so...

I called him,

and I headed out there.

But as soon as I sat down

on the bus, I knew it

would be a mistake.

You know how I knew?

Because right there, on that

shiny pole that you hang onto,

was a little red devil,

smiling right at me

and laughin' at me.

The devil. And... And

that would be the same

devil you mentioned before?

Then I looked out,

and he was on the tip of my shoe.

She was coming on to me

so strong.

And I didn't really

feel anything.

But then she...

She started to touch me.

I felt aroused. Still, I-I didn't

want it to go any further.

I mean, she thought I did, because...

Well, I mean, she could see.

It was so f***ed up.

I never should have called her,

but I feel weird not wanting

to go out with some girl.

You know, I feel like

there's something wrong with me

if I don't want any sex.

You know what I'm saying?

Y-You know what I'm sayin'?

I'm a bad therapist.

Do you hear me? I am a bad therapist.

- Who am I gonna bring

to your wedding?

- I am making these people worse.

- [Dog Barking]

- Everyone in your family's

gonna wonder...

why I don't have a boyfriend;

your brother thinks I'm a lesbian.

You slept with my brother.

How could he think you're a lesbian?

Come on. Do you really care

what my brother thinks? Do you?

Hmm. No.

I have a crush

on one of my patients.

What?

What do you mean?

I mean...

This is not funny.

- I mean a crush, like I

want to f*** one of them.

- [Inhales]

Oh, my God.

You mean my shrink

could want to f*** me?

- Hello, this isn't about

you. This is about me.

- You're right.

We did some tests,

and the news is not good.

Big Jeans has cancer.

It looks like it started

in the lungs and, uh,

spread to the brain.

Now, some people

may not opt for this,

but you could do

a series of chemotherapy

and radiation treatments.

It's very expensive.

It may work. It may not work.

She's 14.

She's not young.

She's had a...

a happy life.

Maybe the best thing

would be to put her down.

- Okay.

- No, I mean down. I mean...

I-I mean

put her to sleep.

I...

I can't do that.

I mean, maybe the treatments

will work.

It's gonna be

expensive, Amelia.

- You're cold.

- I am... All right,

I'll split it with you.

Okay?

- That looks familiar.

- Well, she's lending it to me.

- She's got a date.

- A date?

It's not a date.

- It's the ugly guy.

- [Laura Laughs]

Well, if it's the ugly guy,

then why are you wearin'the sexy top?

- That is such a good point.

- F*** you both.

Okay, I have no clothes,

and he's taking me to some

weirdo convention.

- Lookit, honey. See the pigs?

- Mm-hmm.

- I designed them for you.

- I'm touched. Listen, Frank.

Did you call the guys

that you said you were gonna invite?

- No.

- Why not?

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