Wanderland

1

[instrumental music playing]

[train chugging]

I really can't.

You think

I'm gonna accept that?

You're a real pig,

you know that?

[keyboard clacking]

[elevator dings]

[beeps]

[woman grunting]

[door buzzes]

Thanks.

[classical music playing

from laptop]

[phone beeps]

[woman] Just go!

Come on.

Do it!

What is wrong with you? Go!

Just go.

Do it!

Come on!

Do it. Go!

Just go!

Do it!

[GPS] Exit 66 to Dorn Road.

One hundred east. Turn left.

Hmm.

[car honks]

[GPS] One hundred east.

Turn right.

Then you have arrived.

Recalculating.

Mmm.

[GPS] Turn around.

Recalculating.

[car engine sputtering]

[cat mews]

[purring]

[sneezes]

[low battery beep]

[purring]

[vibrating]

Oh!

Oh.

[meows]

[sighs]

Mmm.

[sighs]

[guitar music playing]

She sticks right to his heart

Like marmalade

Says it twice

But he can't catch her name

Warm environment

On the first date

Next he hears she lives

In a different place

She feels like

The sunny sun

Cold as the winter shade

But the animal zone

Ought to stay away

[woman] Move, my friend!

Are you talking to me?

You need to move!

[shrieks] Oh, sh*t!

Told you to move, didn't I?

Tide's coming in.

Didn't know I could

make it here.

You know, most people dress

a little more beach-y

if they're gonna stand

right by the ocean.

Just saying.

Well, the truth, lady,

is I came out here

trying to get

a better cell signal.

And to take in

all this beauty.

Excuse me?

You came to take in

all this beauty

because you wouldn't come

to a place like this

and still only care

about a cell signal.

Yeah, I'm just not a...

a big fan of the ocean.

Why not?

Kind of personal reasons.

Okay.

Would you happen to know

where I could get

a cell phone charger

around here?

Ah, you could try Ouzo Electronics

on Main, but it closes at 5:30.

What, 5:
30?

Yeah, it's off-season.

Everything's shut

except for the ice cream shop.

You're in the wilderness now.

Yeah, tell me about it.

I haven't seen you

around before.

Ah, I'm just staying at a

friend's place for the weekend.

And is this friend

age-appropriate?

[chuckles] Excuse me?

What does that mean?

Maybe you're one

of those guys

that seduces the rich old

ladies for their summer homes.

I seem like the type?

Maybe. Not sure yet.

You pegged me.

You know, although

ladies can't resist me,

and my wet pants.

No, she's totally

age-appropriate.

And she's just a friend.

She's, in fact,

an acquaintance, really.

I don't... I don't even

know her, actually.

You know, this is

the longest conversation

I've had with anyone

face-to-face in weeks.

Going to a party later.

You should come.

I don't think

I was invited.

I think you just were.

It's your party?

I know the person throwing it.

I could put you

on the guest list.

I don't know.

Guest lists, they kinda

stress me out.

Plus, I just, you know,

I came out just to get away.

I was gonna get back

and decompose.

"Decompose"? Really?

[chuckles]

I mean, decompress.

Plus, she's got a cat

that I gotta look out for.

It's...

It's not my cat.

It's hers.

Join me for a swim at least?

What, now?

I better get to the store

before it closes.

You know...

Isn't it a little cold,

this time of year?

Precisely.

[squeals]

Precisely.

So bitter and so sweet

Like marmalade

Run down in your teeth

Like marmalade

Sophisticated and simple

Like marmalade

She sticks right to his heart

Like marmalade

[engine sputtering]

[engine starts]

Idiot.

[engine stalling]

Oh!

You're kidding me.

[engine stalling]

[mumbles]

Oh! Hey! Excuse me!

I got a...

Hey, schmuck!

[yelps]

Hey.

Oh.

Oh, hey!

Hey!

Hello.

Oh, hi!

Thanks for stopping.

Look, do you have a phone?

My car broke down

and my phone died on me.

Sure thing.

My house is on the far side

of the field over there.

Meet you there.

Okay.

[pigs snorting]

Oh, thank you so much again.

I really appreciate it.

No problem.

I'm Alex, by the way.

Hello, Alexander.

I'm Shirley.

It's just Alex.

Come on in, Just Alex.

- Great place.

- Thanks.

Hey, you wouldn't happen to have

an iPhone charger, would you?

I most certainly would.

Oh, thank God.

Think I landed in paradise.

"Well, then come

deeper inside,"

said the spider to the fly.

- [cat hisses]

- [yelps]

[cat mews]

You have cats.

Yeah. They keep

the mice away,

because they eat them.

Right.

Isn't it a little late in the

year to be harvesting corn?

[chuckles]

I'm not harvesting.

I'm cleaning up

my corn maze.

Oh, oh. Wow. You have a corn maze.

That's cool.

Yeah. Yes, it is.

It's all about

the commerce test, Alex.

Yeah.

Lots of Jews out here.

You said you had

an iPhone charger.

I do. In the kitchen.

[song playing over player]

It must be so hard

Thinking the world

Is laughing at you

It must be so hard

[phone vibrating]

So you try not to crack

Even though

You're gonna break

You know without a doubt

There's just less rice

On your plate

Is that you?

I remember a time

When all the world was fair

I remember a time

When all the world was fair

Your voice is amazing.

- You think?

- [Alex sniffles]

[laughs] Look.

You do.

You're all worked up.

Oh, no, sorry, that's the...

that's the cat.

I'm allergic.

[chuckles] You men,

needing to be so tough.

We love emotion.

It melts us.

You can't fool me.

[phone beeps]

[softly] Oh, come on now.

There's no service?

Um...

You wouldn't happen to have

Wi-Fi here, would you, Shirley?

I do, Just Alex.

Oh, Alex is fine.

What's the password?

It's kind of an intimate

question, isn't it?

The password is?

You wanna know all my secrets,

don't you, Just Alex?

Nope. Just the password.

It's "kiteflyer."

"Kitefryer"?

- What did you say?

- What did you say?

"Kiteflyer."

Oh! Okay.

Ooh.

- It's not working.

- Really?

Okay.

I'll check after I get

this load of challah in.

Challah?

But you've been using lard.

Yeah. Homemade.

Right.

So you're not making challah.

Yes, I am.

Sells out every week.

But there's no lard

in challah.

In mine there is.

But religious Jewish people can't

eat anything that comes from a pig.

Well...

obviously, they can.

[chuckles]

[cats mewing]

Look, uh, I think maybe

I'll use the landline if...

I'd like to call

about my car.

Of course.

It's up in my boudoir.

You can...

Oh.

Your pants are wet.

Oh, yeah, I had an

accident at the beach.

- [chuckles]

- And I got hit by a wave.

It's... So I can use

your phone?

I said, in my boudoir,

upstairs.

By boudoir, you mean your...

your bedroom?

Great. Thank you.

While you're calling,

let me throw those dungarees

in the dryer for you.

Oh, no, it's okay. Thanks.

Give them to me.

No, really.

No.

Really.

[line ringing]

[sniffling]

[man] Stubbed Tow.

Can I help you?

Excuse me?

[man] Stubbed Tow.

Can I help you?

Oh. Stubbed Tow.

It's a pun.

I get it.

Can I help you?

Uh, yeah.

Uh, my car won't start.

It's at Sagg Main Beach

in Sagaponack.

[autoharp music playing]

I am one to offer comfort

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