War on Everyone Page #2

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f***ing stolen toasters, man.

Yes, yes! This big f***ing sh*t, man.

Philippe Starck, Moschino.

- Fancy sh*t?

- Yeah, fancy f***ing sh*t.

- Okay.

- Yeah, Moschino sh*t, man.

Moschino don't make f***ing toasters!

But you're friends with him, right?

We knew each other, we're acquaintances.

Oh, OK. Well, have you heard that this

acquaintance of yours is back in town?

- I heard.

- You did? OK.

So, we've been surveilling

the Webb brothers.

Do you know about the Webb brothers?

- Everybody knows the Webb brothers.

- OK. Good, good, good.

Progress already. We're making progress.

OK, so, they're up to something.

You know, like something nefarious.

I mean, so our informants tell us.

And where would we be

without our informants, Terry?

- F***ing nowhere.

- F***ing no where's right, dude!

F***ing nowhere, dude!

So Jimmy Harris and the Webbs

are, you know, hooked up.

Ergo...

- Ergo...

- Ergo what, motherf***er?

- Ergo.

- Ergo what? What the f*** is that?

They're planning a f***ing robbery.

Bingo!

Keep it down. Keep it down...

And we're gonna f*** 'em up

and you're gonna help us.

What the f***?

Sh*t!

Cops.

Oh, sh*t! Hey, we are the cops!

Motherfuckers!

For a second, I forgot!

You see how I got all like, "F***!"

I know, but I was there, too.

I was like, "Where, where?"

If I don't help you, what, are you gonna

bust me for possession?

Educated man, Terry! This is...

F***! This is good coke.

There's a shitload more

where that came from.

Where did you guys get this?

We f***ed over a mime.

They're off and running!

Oh, Your Lordship.

She's a three-year-old.

Lovely little filly.

What's she like in the saddle?

I haven't ridden her yet. She's, uh...

She's a little...

Excuse me. One of my trainers.

Do keep me informed of any further

development, won't you?

Of course.

You know, I hate champagne.

Why do I drink it, then?

One of those unresolved mysteries of life.

How's my crew? Or, how are my crew?

Whichever is grammatically correct.

Well, sir,

the Webbs, um, are just checked in.

Mmm-hmm.

- Mmm-hmm.

- And the other thing?

The other thing.

As you can guess, I imagine,

Reynard wants more money.

Of course he does.

- What do you want me to do about him?

- Well...

I want you to pay him.

We'll get the money back.

I'm afraid I'll end up in jail first.

Oh, Russell.

Jail's not too bad.

You know what the worst thing about jail is?

No, Your Lordship, I do not.

The violent anal sex.

But do you know what the best thing

about jail is, Russell?

The violent anal sex?

You know, you're pretty quick

for an American.

Jimmy used to go out with this dancer,

Jacqueline Hollis.

Rumour is he's shacked up with her.

You have an address?

No, but I do know she works

at the, uh, this club, Knockouts. Yeah.

Of course, that means you two will

actually have to do, you know,

"Police work".

Now, don't be getting obstreperous

with me, motherf***er.

I'll knock your ass into Indochina.

Here we go.

What the f*** is that?

Cocksucking Cowboys.

Bollocks are still sore

and I didn't do anything to you.

Well, the world's full of injustice, pal.

Call Amnesty International

if you wanna do something about it.

Salud.

- Ah.

- Ah!

I thought you guys didn't drink.

- How do you mean?

- Muslims.

I'm a Five Percenter.

Mmm, OK.

Do you know what the f*** that means?

I know what that means.

Do you know this other douchebag?

What am I, Huggy Bear now?

Huggy Bear.

Mmm.

Those fellas in the car

with the white stripe.

Who took these? A f***ing epileptic?

No, Robert Mapplethorpe over here.

A little something was wrong with the, uh...

With the thing?

Yeah, with the thing.

Oh, yeah, the thing can be tricky.

Hey, motherf***er,

I could bust you right now for...

Hey! I got multiple sclerosis, OK?

It helps to relieve the symptoms.

You're dyslexic

and you have multiple sclerosis?

Mmm.

Yeah, I've had a lot

of hard luck in my life.

You can't even spell sclerosis.

S-C-L-E...

Oh, f***.

Look, I don't know.

Hey, it's Reynard. Clifford Reynard.

I used to steal cars with him.

I mean, I think he's a driver now.

Well, he's a f***ing prick, anyways.

Hey.

I claim my prize.

Thank you.

That's amazing.

The flexibility.

You should have seen her when she was 15.

You guys looking for me?

Well, if you're the manager

of this shithole, then yes, we are.

I'm Detective Bolao. Detective Monroe.

You are...

Russell Birdwell.

What's the problem?

We're looking for the address of

one of your dancers. Jacqueline Hollis?

Jackie Hollis?

Jackie Hollis, whatever.

She doesn't work for me any more,

she quit.

Yeah, I didn't ask you

if she's currently employed here.

I asked you for her address.

She in some kind of trouble?

Just give us her f***ing address.

You guys are adorable.

Where are you guys from? What precinct?

We're from hell, baby.

You know, the, uh, guy that discovered

Uranus wanted to call it George.

This is the planet George.

Come on, Harris.

Oh!

- What?

- Oh, hey, darling.

Tell Jimmy Harry wants to see him.

- Harry who?

- Harry f***ing Krishna!

Get away from the door, ma'am.

Get away from the door.

Hey, it's Manny Pacquiao!

Leave him alone.

He's a Quaker.

Does he have any guns

stashed away anywhere?

No, I told you, he's a Quaker.

He abhors violence.

- He what?

- What?

He abhors violence.

- He abhors!

- F***ing pigs, man!

Hey!

That's not very nice.

Hey, Jackie, can you put on some, uh,

coffee for Mr Harris here?

- And you should probably have one.

- You want some doughnuts, too? F***ers.

Nice underwear, Jimmy.

Ooh! Widescreen.

Cool beans.

You got any Glen Campbell?

Who?

You never heard of Glen Campbell?

What's gonna happen to him?

To Glen Campbell?

To Jimmy.

Guess they'll ship him back to Riker's

with another nickel on his sentence.

There's nothing you can do for him?

Are you trying to bribe us, ma'am?

No.

Damn it!

These f***ing law-abiding citizens.

Well, how much?

How much you have in the house?

Five. Two. Two Gs.

How much you got in the f***ing house?

Five.

Great! We'll take it.

And then he's free to walk?

If it's within his capabilities.

And I'm taking that widescreen as well.

You want something?

No, I don't want anything.

So, Jimmy-boy, why are you in town?

You wouldn't happen to be planning

a little caper, now, would you?

Do you have an Xbox, by any chance?

I can't concentrate. What the f***?

They were there first.

This is a Soderbergh movie.

It requires focus.

What's a Soderbergh?

Steven Soderbergh

is a Jewish-American auteur.

He's Swedish.

He's in jail now in Florida

on a morals charge.

Jennifer Lopez is in this movie.

Takes her blouse off,

but you can't really see her titties.

Why can't you see her titties?

Because she's a serious f***ing actor,

that's why.

She's not gonna get her cupcakes out

for a fool like you.

- Csar, go get it.

- Go get it, you.

He told you to get it! Mom!

Stop whining and answer the door, OK?

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