War on Everyone Page #7

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Maybe it fell from a spaceship.

Is it true they can sting you

even when they're dead?

No, I think when they're dead,

they're dead.

They're immortal, though.

What?

Jellyfish, they're immortal.

Bob told me.

Just because Bob says something

doesn't mean it's true.

Yeah, it does.

That's my greatest fear, actually.

Death by jellyfish.

Your greatest fear

is death by jellyfish? Okay.

It's not funny.

Random death by jellyfish.

This guy I knew, he caught a jellyfish,

put it in a jar,

went out drinking,

got home... Listen to this.

Got home and reached for what

he thought was a glass of water...

What do you think happened? He's dead.

Well, I'm glad you guys

find the idea so amusing.

Come on, you deadbeats.

Let's go get some frijoles!

- No, wait, I can't...

- Come on!

No, I can't run in these!

Come on!

'"I am real!' said Alice,

and began to cry.

'"You won't make yourself a bit realer

by crying, ' Tweedledee remarked:

""There's nothing to cry about.""

We'll finish this off tomorrow.

Daddy, what happens when you die?

Nothing. When you're dead, you're dead.

But isn't Mommy in heaven, Daddy?

No, she's not, darling.

What did I say?

It's just darkness forever.

Now, run along and play.

I have to speak to your Uncle Russell.

Growing up so quickly.

So what are we gonna do

about those two pricks?

They were fired today.

They are no longer

serving police officers.

They are civilians.

The f*** does that mean?

It's over?

No, it's not over, Russell.

Now we're going to kill them.

You almost broke my f***ing cock!

Can you break a cock?

Well, I mean, the f***ing tendons.

You snapped the f***ing tendons.

Well, I gotta take a break.

Ruminate.

Consider options.

I'm gonna miss it, though, you know?

- Like, I liked the structure.

- The structure?

Maybe it's a good thing

that we got out, you know?

Things were just getting

a little too close to home

and, you know, when those things

start to happen...

Yeah. I'm not sure how much longer

you could've gotten away with it.

Especially with Terry.

Terry.

Hey, toro!

That's pretty f***ing funny, huh?

Yeah, it's funny.

Yeah, you go, toro.

That's pretty good, huh?

When you got beat up last night,

did that have anything to do with me?

Of course not. Why would it?

I know why she did it.

Who?

My mom.

I know why she stabbed my dad.

She found out what he'd done.

Well, what had he done?

Danny, what had he done?

He took me out to this place,

somewhere outside the city.

There were these people there.

They did things.

You know.

They filmed it as well.

Hmm.

And do you know the names of these people?

Yeah, I know their names.

Do you know why you're here, sir?

Go f*** yourself.

It's because I hate informers.

They have no honour.

They have no code.

Go f*** yourself.

This is the Lafayette sword.

From the Revolutionary War.

Yes, there was a revolution

in the United States.

It's hard to believe, I know.

I stole it from a Masonic Lodge

in Illinois.

Have you heard of the writer

Yukio Mishima?

No, of course you haven't, you're Irish.

I was forgetting.

Anyway, in 1970,

Mishima attempted a coup

on his native Japan.

The coup failed

and Mishima committed seppuku,

or ritual disembowelment, if you prefer.

The second-in-command

was supposed to behead him

at the culmination of the ritual but the poor

chap was so bloody nervous that he missed.

Mishima's bloody head was hanging off him,

quite literally.

Another chap had to step in

to finish him off.

Let's hope I don't miss, eh?

F***ing Brits.

You never know when to shut up.

Poor kid.

Yeah.

I've never killed anybody before.

Well, neither have I.

You know what they say.

Always be open to new experiences.

I'll do this on my own.

You don't have to get involved.

How come you always look out for me, Bob?

Because you're a good friend of mine.

I've got your money.

You should be in bed.

Where's Lonesome Luke?

What?

I think he's gone to kill

a whole bunch of people.

You know that in Somalia

only men have gravestones?

Walt Whitman was buried without his brain.

Descartes was buried

without his right hand.

So you never wonder

who created this whole shebang?

No.

It's like

where does the universe begin

and where does it end?

And if you can't tell me that,

you can't tell me God doesn't exist.

But then again, Pythagoras believed

that after you're dead,

your soul goes into a f***ing green bean.

So what do I know?

Oh, I love this car!

She's f***ing indestructible.

Like I always say, Bob,

if it ain't broke, break it.

Detectives, good to see you again.

You like Westerns, right?

I don't have your $800,000.

I was never going to give it to you.

I thought I'd state that up front

in the interest of full disclosure.

You're not, uh, so tough now, huh?

Without your motherfucking badge?

Hey, listen, man,

I know we don't see eye-to-eye, but...

F*** you! F*** you!

I'm fine.

I must say, you're taking

this turn of events rather well.

We haven't come here for the money.

- We don't care about the money any more.

- Oh.

This is about Danny Reynard.

Danny Reynard.

Hmm.

I can't quite place the name.

You know, one day,

these students were taking

a philosophy exam.

And at the start, the tutor

grabs a chair, puts it on a desk

and says, "For your last test,

"prove this chair exists."

So everyone's scribbling away,

except one guy.

He writes two words, gets up,

hands his paper to the tutor,

leaves the class.

Tutor looks at it

and on it, it says,

"What chair?"

Well, that's certainly very...

F***!

F***!

Bob?

Bob?

I love bulletproof vests.

Let's go f*** these scumbags.

I killed your snitch.

I chopped his f***ing head off!

Wait.

Don't...

I knew your last words would be sh*t.

All right.

All right, you made your point.

How much is this gonna cost me?

It's gonna cost you your life.

Nice line.

Well, that's a damn shame.

I kinda liked the guy,

in a funny sort of way.

His hair was receding quite a bit.

His teeth are all f***ed up.

What are you doing?

Well, we gotta give him a decent burial.

What are we, savages?

Thought you were, like, keeping him

as a souvenir or something.

So that story about

the philosophy exam and the chair.

What does that actually mean?

It's not supposed to mean anything.

It's like a Zen koan.

Just ponder on it.

Just ponder on it?

Yeah. I f***ed it up, though.

I was supposed to say,

"Prove the chair doesn't exist."

Ah!

So it doesn't exist, huh?

Man, that was some cold sh*t.

Wait, you going in?

So what's next, man?

I'm gonna live slow,

die old and leave an ugly-looking corpse.

What are you gonna do?

I don't know.

Something sedate.

You think you're capable of being sedate?

Well, Bob, it's like

the Buddha once said...

You're quoting f***ing Buddha now?

Do not dwell in the past,

do not dream of the future.

Concentrate the mind

on the present moment.

I love this song.

Great song.

Masterpiece.

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