Weather Girl

- Da, da - Da, da!

[Slow instrumental music]

- [Sniffling]

- One minute, people.

- I still have to do touch-ups

on Sylvia.

- What are you telling me for?

Where the hell is Sylvia?

- Hi, Iowa.

How now, brown cow.

- Hey, Dale?

- Yeah, yeah.

How's it going, Josh?

- It's okay.

It's okay.

Look, Dale,

Sylvia seems to be M.I.A.

- Well,

that's not very professional.

- No, no, it's not.

- Damn unprofessional,

if you ask me.

- And I agree.

Any idea where she may be?

- Now, how would I know that,

Josh, hmm?

I'm not my weather girl's

keeper, right?

Right?

- Yeah, it's just that

we're on in about 25 seconds,

And I know

you and she are close.

So if you have any idea

where she may be...

- Josh, my personal life

is my business.

Are we clear on that?

[Chuckles]

Are we?

- Sure.

Mary!

- I'm going now.

[Sighs]

Ms. Miller?

Um, Ms. Miller,

everybody's waiting,

And we're on in 20 seconds.

She's not answering.

I don't really--

I got her.

[Indistinct conversation]

- Jesus Christ, Sylvia.

- Not cool, Syl.

Not cool.

- All right, we got her.

- All right, ten seconds.

- Rolling at her.

[Theme music]

- This is Seattle Morning

With Dale Waters,

Sherry Warren,

And sassy weather girl

Sylvia Miller.

- Count it off.

- Five, four...

- three, two...

- [Laughs]

- [Giggles]

- Oh, what a great morning.

- Oh, not too shabby,

Dale.

- Good morning, Seattle.

And good morning to you,

Sherry.

- Good morning to you, Dale.

- You look great this morning,

Sherry.

- Oh, stop it.

You're making me blush.

- No, seriously.

- Oh.

- You look great, seriously.

Doesn't she look great?

- Come on, you.

- Let's say hello

to our sassy weather girl.

- Mmm.

- Good morning, Sylvia.

- Good morning, Sylvia.

- [Laughs sarcastically]

- Did we lose Sylvia?

- What?

What's going on?

- She's not talking.

- The rain is sure

coming down out there, Sylvia.

How long is it gonna

go on like this?

- Forever, Dale.

This is Seattle.

In case you haven't noticed,

The weather here sucks.

- [Chuckles]

- Well, I think

it's romantic, Dale.

- Go to camera three, please.

- ...A stroll in

the rain with your sweetheart.

- Oh, God, shut up.

Shut up, shut up,

you squeaky little b*tch.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

We don't call her

"Our sassy weather girl"

for nothing, folks.

Let's go to a commercial.

- Okay.

- You know what, Dale?

Before we do that,

There is something

that I would like to share

With our viewing audience.

- Well, I don't think that's

such a great idea, Sylvia.

- I don't care what you think,

you arrogant prick.

In fact, why don't you just

sit there

And look stupid.

- [Laughs]

- Whatever you do,

do not cut.

Do not cut.

- So this is a little segment

that I like to call

"Behind the scenes

of Seattle Morning."

- Oh, my God.

- Many of you may not know,

But from the moment

that I started working here,

Our seemingly charming cohost

Dale Waters

Has been all over me

like a cheap suit.

Day after day,

As I stood in front

of this stupid map

Repeatedly trying

to find new adjectives

To describe the word "Rain"...

- what do I do?

- I've been fighting off

the infantile

And often offensive advances

of that guy.

That's right, ladies.

He's grabby.

- Go to Dale.

- But you know,

for a plethora of reasons,

Not the least of which being

I am 35, single,

And, um, yeah,

occasionally lonely,

I gave in to his advances.

And we had several, you know,

What could only be described

as disappointing encounters.

Sorry.

But despite the amateurish sex,

I somehow developed

an attachment

To the walking haircut

sitting in that chair.

We moved in together

And began to share a boring,

stagnant, passionless life.

- What the hell is she doing?

George, help me.

Cut the lighting!

- No, no, no, no.

Do not cut anything.

This is good tv.

- She has lost her mind.

- That is, until this morning,

When after Dale had already

left for the studio,

I found these.

They're not mine.

- You go, Sylvia.

There's our Emmy.

This is it.

- Now, these are

a pair of panties

That I've unfortunately

witnessed

My exhibitionist cohost wearing

on several occasions.

How long have you been

sleeping with him, Sherry?

- All right, number four

to Sherry, please.

- Ah, well put, Sherry.

Well, I am now leaving

this stupid, meaningless job,

But before I go,

I just want to say

to all of you out there,

For the love of God,

read a newspaper.

This is not news.

This is fluff.

This is tidbits for dumb people.

- [Chuckles]

- [Sighs]

On that note,

I will say good-bye

To Seattle Morning,

And I will see you all in hell.

- What has she done?

- Wow.

Let's do a commercial.

- Go to commercial.

- Go to commercial.

- [Sighs]

That was great.

That was great.

[Thunder crashes]

[Knock at door]

- [Sobbing]

- Hmm.

- Hey.

- I know you, right?

Wait, I know.

Aren't you that weather girl

Who committed career suicide

in a very unsightly way

Before an audience of thousands

this morning?

- Oh, God.

- Oh, sh*t.

Okay, come on.

Come on in.

It's okay.

Come on.

- Oh, oh, God.

What did you do in here?

It's--

- You want me to kick his ass?

- Yes.

- Really?

- No, it's--

Please, no, don't kick his ass.

- All right,

I don't think I could anyway.

You want a drink?

- It's 9:
00 in the morning.

Yes.

Oh.

God, oh, wait,

can I have a bloody mary?

- Yeah, let me whip that up

for you.

I'm going to enjoy

an apple martini.

You look like sh*t.

Oh, that's good.

- Thank you.

- No, I'm serious.

You--You look like sh*t.

This is, like,

you look really, really--

This is, like, the worst

I've ever seen you look.

- Okay, is this supposed

to be helping me?

- Syl, I'm your brother,

and I'm really very fond of you,

But I cannot be okay

With you being

this much of a wreck

Over that douche bag

from the morning show.

- Hey, can I have, like,

five minutes here?

I'm kind of upset.

- I'm trying to help.

- Well, you can help

by shutting up.

What's happening here?

- Okay, you know what?

If you want to get all upset

over some stupid dude

Who I never liked,

then go nuts.

- I am well aware

of your opinion, thank you.

- Oh, well, then I guess

I don't have to say,

"I told you so"

Because I already did,

like, 50 times.

I mean, this guy's an idiot,

And my big sister's a wreck

because of him.

It's embarrassing.

- God, you are such an idiot.

Okay, it's not just him.

It's everything.

Two years, we were together.

Okay, two years.

We--We lived together.

We bought furniture together.

We talked about kids' names.

And where am I now?

I--

I'm 35 years old.

I have no job,

no insurance,

No apartment,

$1,500 in a savings account,

A car that I couldn't afford

payments on when I was employed,

And, um, what else don't I have?

Oh, you know what else

I don't have?

I don't have a boyfriend.

- Tell me about

this savings account.

- I don't know what I'm doing.

What I'm going to do?

It's like I'm starting

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes