Wee Willie Winkie Page #4

- Aye!

Now, balance your body...

equal on each leg...

bending your knees in the center.

Now, come on. Let's have it now.

Put your left hand in front of your face,

your right hand up for defense.

Now, come on. A little spring.

Now, spring with me.

- More spring!

- Now spring with me.

Hey, hey, Donald! Donald!

Demonstrate the punch.

Aye. The punch. The punch.

Uh, Mr. MacTavish,

I'll give you an opportunity...

to clout me on the nose...

with your left hand.

You see, you never get back there.

- You see, the man has no footwork.

- You're right, Donald.

Now with the right hand this time.

Right hand. Again.

You see?

- The man left the whole

of his right side exposed.

- Aye.

Mr. MacTavish...

I'm afraid you'll never make a boxer.

Mr. MacTavish, I'm talking to you.

Excuse me.

Can't we ever play together anymore?

No, lassie.

You've got your orders,

and I've got my orders.

Can't you teach me

the manly art of self-defense?

I'd like to...

but if Old Man Boots was to catch us...

it would be very bad indeed.

Just straighten your left hand up.

Put that up for your defense.

Oh, Mr. Mott!

Oh, they're just beautiful.

What are they?

- Puppies, stupid.

- I mean, what brand are they?

You mean breed.

They're pure mongrels.

Pure mongrels?

I wish I had one of them.

Well, you can't. They're mine.

So soft and cuddly.

I'd give anything for one.

Well, what would you give?

- Will you-Will you trade?

- Well, that depends.

- I'll give you my toys.

- What have you got?

Oh, heaps.

Three dolls-

only one's got a broken leg.

And a cookstove. And a tea set.

No. Girls' things. Hmm.

I'd give you one if I had six or seven dogs,

but I've only got the two.

Can't I hold him for just a little while?

No! You're liable to get

too attached to him.

Oh, good morning, sir.

Hey, Mr. Sneath.

Will you steal me a wee dog

like a good man?

- A dog, Donald?

- Aye.

Sit up. Come on. Sit up!

There he is!

But, Sergeant, they're mine!

Yours? You're laboring under

a grave misapprehension, laddie.

They're his.

- His?

- He's the father!

You don't deny the right of a father

to his own bairns, would you?

- But- But, Sergeant!

- Look how happy he is.

There's no question

of his paternity.

But I got him from his mother.

From his mother!

- It's the father that counts.

- Aye.

It's the man that has the right to his

own sons. You ought to know that!

- Aye!

- At your age.

But can't I even have one of them?

No. You have no right

whatsoever, laddie.

But, please, sir.

Aye.

Well, if you'll swear

by the ghost of the Black Douglas-

And the unburied dead of Culloden.

- And the whiskers of William Wallace.

- Yeah.

And, uh-

That you'll promise never

to blow that bugle in my ear again...

well, uh, I'll give you the wee one.

Oh, sir, I'll promise.

I'll promise anything!

Oh, thank you, sir!

Thank you so much!

Oh, man, you did a great deed.

Come on. Sit up. Sit up.

Come on. Sit up.

Oh, Mommy, look. There's that man

eating swords again. Look.

Run over and watch him there,

and give him these coppers.

- May I, Mommy?

- Of course, dear.

Thanks.

That's the most wonderfullest thing

I've ever seen.

There's that child.

No, I don't care for any of these.

Thank you. Elsie.

Just as I thought. Disgusting!

If you had a thimble

full of brains, Elsie...

you'd have landed him yourself.

- But, Mama, I did everything you told me.

- Oh, you are anemic.

But, Coppy,

I can't openly defy him.

Why not? You're not one of

his soldiers to be ordered about...

and forbidden to do this,

that and the other.

You have the right to see whom you please,

where you please and when you please.

- And there's no regulation-

- But, Coppy, you don't understand.

I'm under an obligation to him

for sending for me- having us here.

And for making your life miserable,

I presume.

- He doesn't mean to.

- He does mean to.

He revels in it, the old porcupine.

You are coming to that dance with me...

no matter what happens.

Coppy, I'd love to, but I don't see

how I'm going to manage it.

Archie! Archie!

- No, Elsie, you are definitely anemic.

- But, Mother-

Well, your father's people were anemic.

Oh! Go away!

This nasty little dog!

Archie, you mustn't. You mustn't!

Shoo. Shoo.

Go away. Go away!

- You stop hitting Archie!

- Archie should leave things alone.

He bit me! He bit me!

He bit me.

Mama!

Well, you hit him first.

- Nothing of the kind.

- You did! I saw you.

The colonel shall hear about this.

I've been attacked.

Do you understand?

I've been attacked by a mad dog.

- Yes.

- Before I could fight him off...

the creature charged at me.

- Yes.

- Well, do you understand?

- Yes.

- Oh, Elsie, come along.

Come, Mama.

Yes.

Let go! Let go! I won't let you!

- It's the colonel's orders.

- I don't care whose orders it is.

- You let go of Archie. Let go.

- What's all this?

That letter you sent out, ordering

Sergeant MacDuff to destroy all the dogs.

- I changed it.

- You did what?

Sergeant MacDuff,

what's the meaning of this?

It wasn't his fault.

He told me you'd bite my head off.

But I don't care what you do.

It was the meanest thing

I ever heard of.

Ordering him to-

to destroy all those puppies.

But don't you know

there's a mad dog around?

Yes, sir. Archie here was awful mad

at Mrs. Allardyce.

But if she'd smacked you on the ear with

her parasol, you'd have bitten her too.

What? That ridiculous puppy?

Bagby, look at it.

Why, from what I heard,

she said it was a huge beast.

Raving mad, foaming at the mouth.

Is that what old Snoopysnoot said?

What? Snoopysnoot? Snoopysnoot!

- Oh, Grandfather,

you have the wonderfullest laugh.

- Have I?

It sounds just like an old horse

that's got the whooping cough.

What? An old horse

with a whooping cough.

Good evening, Private Bagby.

- Private Winkie.

- Good evening, Grandfather.

Come to say good night?

Yes, Grandfather.

Now, you want me

to tell you a story, I suppose.

No, if you don't mind,

I'd rather ask you a few questions.

Oh, good Lord. Don't you ever

get tired of asking questions?

Bagby, shut that noise out.

Yes, sir.

I'm very tired sometimes, but that's

the only way I can find out things.

Well, fire ahead.

You know all the stories

you've been telling me lately...

about the time you held off that detachment

of Afridis for a whole week single-handed?

Well, practically single-handed, yes.

And the time you marched

those Ghurkas across the desert...

clean through a blasted simoom.

I did not say "blasted. "

Well, dashed.

Yes, dashed. All right.

And the time you were

almost captured...

and laid 16 Waziris low

with the butt of your bally rifle.

Yes. That got me me first ribbon.

Yes. Always fighting

and marching and working.

Well, that's been my life.

Well, what I want to ask is...

don't you ever have

a good time- fun, I mean?

No time for fun.

But you have time now, haven't you?

You're not doing nothing

but sitting here smoking your pipe.

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