Welcome, or No Trespassing

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Dedicated to adults who once were kids

And to kids who will one day be adults

"Welcome"

or

"No trespassing"

Screenplay:

Semyon Lungin, Ilya Nusinov

Stage manager:

Elem Klimov

Chief operator:

Anatoliy Kuznetsov

Art:
V.Kamskiy, B.Blank

Producer:
K.Gakkel

Music:
M.Tariverdiyev, I.Yakushenko

Sound:
V.Zorin

Conductor:
E.Khachaturyan

Operator:
M.Koroptsov

Special effects:

Operator:
I.Felitsyn, Art: N.Zvonarev

Costumes:
L.Ryashentseva

Makeup:
L.Baskakova

Setup:
A.Kamagorova

Editing:
N.Lozinskaya, N.Rudakova

Director:
G.Lukin

Cast:

Yevgeniy Yevstigneyev

A.Aleynikova, I.Rutberg,

L.Smirnova, A.Smirnov

"Learning is enlightenment"

V.Kosykh, Y.Bondarenko, L.Volkova, B.Demb, S.Kokorev, I.Kryukov, S.Tsarev, S.Mashovets, T.Prokhorova, L.Smeyan

T.Barysheva, A.Lagranskiy, I.Mazurova,

V.Uralskiy, N.Shatskaya, V.Burdukov

S.Zhiveynov, A.Miniovich, S.Shappu, S.Baikov

In mass scenes:

Pioneers from Moscow, Vorkuta, and Novo-Mikhailovsk schools

"Children are the masters of our camp."

- Third troop!

This is our swimming area.

And locals swim over there, on the island.

- Three... four... five...

This is Mitrofanova. She's on counting duty today.

This is our troop guide, Valya.

These are Stasik, Dimka, Venka, Lena, Nelya...

Our slippers...

Oh yeah, guess who is her uncle? Comrade Mitrofanov.

This is our gym teacher.

Whoops, not this one. This one, with the cucumber, is our supplies manager.

This is the gym teacher.

He goes to the university in the winter, but works camps in the summer.

We call him "Goose," but he doesn't seem to mind.

This is the doctor.

And this one is the camp director. Comrade Dynin.

- Twenty two...

- Twenty two!

- Twenty three...

- Twenty three!

- Twenty four...

- Twenty four!

- Twenty five... Tw...

- Twenty six!

- One, two, three, four...

- Boy! Hey, boy, get out of here!

These locals are spoiling our whole regime.

- Oh, relax, will you?

- I heard there were cases of whooping-cough in the village.

We must make sure our kids avoid all contact.

- Avoid any contact... contact... contact...

- Oh, dear, I shudder to think about the parents' day.

As if we didn't have enough trouble with locals.

Now we'll get some walking infections from the city.

- So what. It's all good!

- Why, why does he insist on this "parents' day?"

- They say Mitrofanov will be coming.

- Aaah.

[counting]

- ...24 ...25.

- Put on your slippers! Everyone put on your slippers!

- What's the matter?

- Quick, everyone, hurry! Put them on!

- Whose slippers are these?

- Mine!

- Hey, who's missing?

- How should I know?

- He got away.

- Lost one.

- Inochkin!

- All together!

- Inochkin!

- Inochkin!

- Inochkin!

And that's me. That's my name -- Kostya Inochkin.

I ran away with the locals to the island. I'm a very good swimmer.

- You don't believe me?

All right, one moment.

I can swim across this river a hundred thousand times over!

I'll have you know, I do 2:12 on the back.

If I was a woman, I would be a state champion in women's swimming.

- When I was a little boy...

I, too, spent summers in camps.

We had it tough back then.

Had to sleep in makeshift shelters...

Cook on open fire.

Had to fetch our own water.

And do our own laundry.

In other words, none of the comforts of life whatsoever.

And now? Look around.

Look at those dorms you've got!

Look at all those lawns!

Plumbing!

Television!

Gas cooking!

Greenhouses! Flower pots! Activities!

Children.

You are "masters of this camp."

You are!

What is required of you, my friends?

- Dis-cip-line!

- I expressly forbade swimming to the island.

But Inochkin ignored the rules and did it anyway.

- They all probably have whooping-cough there!

- No they don't!

- Quiet, third troop.

- Try to be more like the second troop, will you?

Who can guarantee now that Inochkin isn't infected?

Who? And it's not the first infraction from him, either!

On his first day here he started fighting with sticks!

And after him everyone started doing it. Even girls!

At night, under his blanket, he lit a flashlight and started reading a book!

And everyone else started, too!

And today he swam to the island!

What now, is everyone going to swim to the island, too?

What next? Do we start jumping across the river?

And that's not all!

In his things we found fishing lines, hooks and lures!

What do you think he was going to do with all that?

I think we've all had quite enough.

I have therefore decided to expel Inochkin.

I'm done.

"No exit without permission."

- Kostya! Kostya!

- Come back to visit!

- Come back to visit!

- Comrade Dynin?

- That's my name.

- Comrade Dynin.

- What "comrade Dynin?"

- It's not fair. I think...

- You think too much.

- What's so horrible about what he did?

- How long have you worked here?

- All right, this is my first year...

- Want some fruit punch?

- But he's a swimmer! 2:12 on his back!

- Those who don't swim don't drown. It's the other ones who drown.

You think it was easy for me to tear Inochkin from my heart like that?

- Then bring him back, comrade Dynin! I'll take full responsibility!

- All right, calm down.

- Then I'll go get him?

- Wait till I'm finished talking!

- You're all flustered about this Inochkin.

- And do you know how many "Inochkins" I've got?

- 263. Understand?

- I understand.

- Want some fruit punch?

- No.

- Dismissed.

- Let's go, kids.

- Kids.

- Hey, swimmer. Swam one too many? Too late now.

Here's your ticket.

- Got anyone at home?

- Grandma.

- She in good health?

- Uh-huh.

- That's all right, then, she'll do. Will you manage on your own?

I ain't got time to play nanny all day. The milk will go sour.

All right, let's say I get there.

Grandma doesn't know anything.

Probably singing some song.

She'll see me and say...

"Kostya. Did they kick you out of the camp or something?"

- Kostya. Did they kick you out of the camp or something?

...and then, of course, "You'll be the death of me!"

- You'll be the death of me!

Yep, here we go.

"Why did you kill your grandma?"

Yep, and now they'll do speeches.

"When he was a little boy..."

- When I was a little boy...

...he, of course, "also had a grandma."

- ...I also had a grandma.

And in his whole life "he couldn't, and I could."

- But in my whole life, I could not manage to disappoint her to death.

But he could!

And thus, Kostya Inochkin began his clandestine life.

- Hey, Nelya. Do you know how to dance Charleston?

- All girls here can.

- Can you show me?

- All right.

- Can you teach me? I can teach you something, too.

- Want me to teach you telepathy?

- What now?

- You know, make people do stuff with your mind.

- Kosmos, Kosmos! Come here!

- Try to make him do stuff.

- Easy. Like what?

- I don't know, something.

- Hang on.

- Dolt.

- I swear, that wasn't me. He did that on his own.

- There's something in there!

- Smells like a wolf. Or a badger.

- Have you ever smelled a badger?

- A hundred times!

- What are you guys doing here?

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